[Ripose]

I have been married to wife about 10 years and together for about 13 years, I have been bipolar for much longer though. In all the years with my wife it never dawned on me to tell her I'm bipolar until about 3 weeks ago. Since then I have asked her what she thinks about me and bipolar and she refuses to talk about it.

I'm quite sure all she knows about bipolar is what she has seen on TV and movies, so generally not good messages. I don't know what she thinks was wrong with me since I have never worked in all that time and I have always been
generally quite weird.

Should I bring it up again and insist on talking about it or just give her more time to think about it, if so how much longer should I wait? I think her way of dealing with it is to not think about it and pretend I never even told her.

Does it matter if we never talk about it again?

BTW She knows I have started just Lamictal and I have told her that it is for bipolar.

Also on Cymbalta, Risperidone, Ativan, Tegretol, Baclofen, Inderal.

[Daonnachd]

That's a very curious response on her part.

I think that as long as she knows, she'll be better able to deal with any crises which may arise.
It's certainly better that she know than have no idea.

[Ripose]

That's a very curious response on her part.
I think that as long as she knows, she'll be better able to deal with any crises which may arise.
It's certainly better that she know than have no idea.

__________________
True I guess she knows now and will view things differently, even if she never discusses it.

[wiretwister]

before I could leave ip my entire family, wife and kids, had to come to a meeting with myself and my ip pdoc, and agree to take care of me, ... all was explained to them, ... nothing was left out .... "they were educated" right then and there, it got us off on a good footing, ... maybe some gentle education on how you feel and how you don't want this to be a stumbling block in your marriage, remember as you said popular media stereotypes is all she knows ...

[~Christina]

I personally would have either blown up about your not telling me or I would be too stunned to speak...

It's possible she just needs time to think things over, maybe shes revisiting times in your marriage that now she is aware you have Bipolar that could explain somethings.

Is there a reason you chose not to tell her the truth?

[Ripose]

you don't want this to be a stumbling block in your marriage, remember as you said popular media stereotypes is all she knows ...

I guess I may try to bring it up and she if wants to talk about it with my doctor.

[Edgar's Mom]

I'm with Christina on this one.

For me it would feel like I'd been lied to for 10 years and it would shake me up to think that I could go so long and not know something that important about the person I'd agreed to spend my life with.

I could imagine being in shock, feeling betrayed or deceived, and hoodwinked. I might wonder what else I hadn't been told.

[Ripose]

I personally would have either blown up about your not telling me or I would be too stunned to speak...

It's possible she just needs time to think things over, maybe shes revisiting times in your marriage that now she is aware you have Bipolar that could explain somethings.

Is there a reason you chose not to tell her the truth?

Well she was surprised but at the same time she said "That does help to explain a few things."

Honestly I never told her because it never crossed my mind (seriously), probably because I've been treated for it for so long I just never thought about it much.

[Ripose]

I could imagine being in shock, feeling betrayed or deceived, and hoodwinked. I might wonder what else I hadn't been told.

I understand what you are saying but she did not/would not think that way. She is just not sure what bipolar really means, which I why I would like to discuss it with her.

[Nammu]

If she said it would explain a few things, she might not really care if you have a label. After all you've been together for 13 years.

[Ripose]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

If she said it would explain a few things, she might not really care if you have a label. After all you've been together for 13 years.

Thanks sidestepper, knowing how my wife thinks this makes the most sense so far.

[Edgar's Mom]

Originally Posted by Ripose

I understand what you are saying but she did not/would not think that way. She is just not sure what bipolar really means, which I why I would like to discuss it with her.

You know her best :-) I hope you are able to have a good talk and reach an understanding...

Good luck :-)

[lovejoy91]

I would tell me significant other so that they know your circumstances.

[Angelwngs25]

My Fiance told me he knew I was "Bipolar" after 55 seconds of meeting me. I'm serious that's what he said. Now I know your wife only knew the stereotypes about what Bipolar was like. But my Fiance is curious about why your wife had no idea after being with her for 13 years that you were "Bipolar". Did you ask her how she wasn't tipped off to something like that being who you were? I'm seriously curious. I mean dude, I can tell when someone's "Bipolar" and I could do that before I was diagnosed "Bipolar" in the end of 2013.

And dude seriously, this is the kind of thing you should have told her when she was just your girlfriend.

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just curious why you didn't think to tell her until you were 13 years into the relationship?

[Ripose]

My wife is one of the least observant people I have ever met, so she easily misses out on what is obvious to everyone else. My family and her family quickly knew I was "not normal" but my wife was in love from the first time she saw me and it seems nothing else mattered to her. She noticed quick enough that I was different and that was always explanation enough for her.

I've been asked twice now why I didn't tell her sooner and I already said it never crossed my mind, sorry but I'm not very bright about some things. It is definitely not because I was trying to hide anything from her. She has never told me that she suffers from depression and anxiety, I just figured it out from her meds and disposition. Maybe she just does not like talking about MI in general?

This is the strangest post I have seen here.

How can people be married and not know about each other?

[Lonlin3zz]

An unconventional method would be, to write your thoughts and question down in a note book or on a piece of letter, and let her read it.

Some times, direct conversation might be a turn-off. Especially since this might be unprepared for her.

[SillyKitty]

I know that when I dated this guy, I knew, but I didn't tell him because it's just not something I used to be vocal about. I wanted to see where it was going before trusting him with my "big secret." Long story short, we dated a year and I never thought too much about it, never was the right time. My husband and I have been together for longer than you guys, and I never wanted him to know MI runs in my family. When I was diagnosed, it took a while for him to adjust. He always just thought I was "dramatic and weird." Give her some time imho.

[Moogieotter]

Hi Ripose,

Please keep us posted. I have a few questions if I may. Did she never in 13 years see your meds or you taking them and express some curiosity? Was there a cover story? What about other items? Appointment cards, appointment reciepts, and health insurance records?

You mentioned not working for 13 years. How do you have means for necessities and psychiatric care?

I think it's great that you guy have been together so long, and I hope she understands soon.

Thanks,

moogs

[loophole]

I personally wish my wife never knew I had bipolar. When it gets used against you on a monthly basis it gets very old and pisses you off after awhile

Sent from my iPhone 6 plus using Tapatalk

[elevatedsoul]

i dont think its a mistake
she probably had to know something was amidst...
with you taking medication and seeing a doctor...
and im assuming you are on disability

i think she might jst not know much about bipolar and doesnt understand how it effects peoples lives besides what she has seen on tv

i dont think you made a mistake, maybe you can get her some pamphlets from the doctors office or print them off the internet for her to read?

people i talk to tend to think bipolar means you are batsh*t crazy and have no idea that its a mood disorder

Originally Posted by Angelwngs25

I mean dude, I can tell when someone's "Bipolar" and I could do that before I was diagnosed "Bipolar" in the end of 2013.

I'm going to challenge this. Many of us here were not diagnosed until later in life and lived for many years before even the professionals could figure out we had bipolar disorder, so no, I don't think you can tell someone has bipolar disorder just be casual observation. In fact, even during the period of time when I was at my most severe, causing me to be hospitalized multiple multiple times, most people around me had absolutely no idea I was even ill because I am extremely good at carrying on on the outside when it is chaos on the inside.

Thus may be the case for the OP. I have no idea.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I'm going to challenge this. Many of us here were not diagnosed until later in life and lived for many years before even the professionals could figure out we had bipolar disorder, so no, I don't think you can tell someone has bipolar disorder just be casual observation. In fact, even during the period of time when I was at my most severe, causing me to be hospitalized multiple multiple times, most people around me had absolutely no idea I was even ill because I am extremely good at carrying on on the outside when it is chaos on the inside.

Thus may be the case for the OP. I have no idea.

I was crazy as a kid because I was being abused, and the professionals thought I just had a mood disorder. Then I grew up and had a mood disorder, and my therapists just wanted to blame it all on trauma. Lol.

[Moogieotter]

Hey Ripose,

How is this working out?

moogs

[Ripose]

So far I have to decided to give her a little more time which also gives me time to get used to taking Lamictal. Hopefully the Lamictal will even me out so I don't respond too emotionally when I do talk to her about bipolar again.