[coffeebuzzbuzz]

Hello all. I am 29 years old, and am Bipolar with Aspberger's. I have struggled with my Bipolar for about 15 years(I believe puberty helped it surface). Since then, I went from a mild mannered little girl to a sometimes stark raving mad banshee. As a teen, everyone chalked up my 'outbursts' as being an overly dramatic typical teenager. Well, I never outgrew it. It actually took me about a decade to figure out that my meltdowns were a byproduct of my Bipolar. I travelled a lot from age 17-27 so I did not have a steady relationship with any doctors. So I tried coping with the ups and downs by myself mainly.

Well, I am in a stable environment--that is not moving across the country anymore. I went through a terrible divorce two years ago, and for that two years was pretty much a long depressive episode. I was able to come out of that state and back to my "normal" cycles. Which is generally a few weeks of neutrality, a few days to a week of depression, with some manic and mixed episodes(those are always sporadic), and back to being neutral.

I do have meltdowns at least once a week, sometimes two or three times. These are always triggered by what I see as stress. Usually that is minor arguments with friends or family. Everyone knows what I go through, and I always warn them to back off or I will get out of control. It is really taxing for me to go through these...it takes a few hours to an entire day for me to regain composure. Of course afterwards I am exhausted physically and mentally.

Currently I am taking Prozac 40mg and just added Wellbutrin 75mg 6 weeks ago. I was feeling zombie like and comfort eating, so my NP decided to give Wellbutrin a go. I was on Depakote and Celexa, but switched to the Prozac because I became pregnant last year. Now I am breastfeeding. I love this combo, but well...15 years of meltdowns and still no solution. Is it possible to just take something during the meltdown to calm me? The only thing that does that now sadly is food. I honestly don't see them going away no matter what I take for long term maintenance. Maybe if I become a hermit I will be without stress. Until then, any advice?

Sorry so long winded for a first post. A little exasperated. :P

[pete6142]

I remember I used to be prescribed a benzo [ativan] for those meltdown times; it did calm me down during episodes and made me feel more at peace. But that doc at the time did not realize why I was having stress--manic-anxiety [neither did I].

A week ago I would have said 'ask for it', but a week ago I didn't have the diagnosis I just got. My new doc and googling showed benzos are very bad for bipolar related anxiety.

Not sure what would work for you, but the counsel I received was not to take benzos. Maybe other people can add to that as well

[loophole]

Welcome to PC.. Not sure I have a ton of good advice.. Do remember that we all have our own personality and not everything can be blamed to bipolar... I can be a @ss sometimes just because sometimes I can be one lol... Also getting a therapist may be a good idea (yeah I know).. Things can be managed a lot of the time.. I'm gonna go eat my own words now. Lol. Good luck and welcome

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[wildflowerchild25]

I'm not sure your meltdowns can be medicated away. Medication is good but this is a behavior you have been doing for years. It is your automatic response to stress now. Medication will not reduce your stress. If you are having these meltdowns when you are not in an episode, they are not necessarily bipolar related. I have outbursts when I am extremely agitated (usually in a mixed episode) but not any other time.

I suggest trying to learn some dbt skills, especially distress tolerance. DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) has been helpful for me in learning how to control my outbursts. Generally when I feel myself getting worked up I will find a way to remove myself from the situation, even just for a minute or two. Then I will use distress tolerance skills such as becoming aware of my breath or holding some ice or hugging myself to reduce my anxiety and stress. Then I will go back to the situation calmer, and if it happens again I will do it over again.

There are classes you can take but generally you have to pay (or your insurance does) and it will take up your time one to three times a week. But I think it's worth it. However there is also a book called dialectical behavior therapy workbook for bipolar that can help start teaching you some skills.

[CopperStar]

Sounds like you're actually halfway to recovery. I tend to disassociate badly, and it's not until my brain fights its way through the disassociation that suddenly all my pent up rage come roaring through the surface. It sounds like you are already embracing your emotions as they come and trying to deal with them head-on, which to me shows that you have some impressive psychological oomph going on, at least more impressive than my brain has so far most of the time. Now would be a great time for you to get into DBT/CBT therapy and start tackling your emotions head-on, while they are surfacing on a regular basis and you have self-awareness of the trends in your meltdowns. Remember that you have already been strong enough to do on your own what a lot of people (like myself) still need specialized help with. That's really impressive to someone like me. You're like, right on the brink of facing and tackling this stuff.

[coffeebuzzbuzz]

Thank you. I know I am very stubborn and hard headed, but also try to see the other side of the fence. So, perhaps my personality gets me into the argument or situation, then it feels like my mind and body take over by themselves. I always thought I was going insane when the outbursts began--I can think to myself "don't be so upset", and try to fight with myself from totally losing it. The crying, screaming, heart racing, flight response, all feel instinctual and primal. Which, perhaps if I was in grave danger would make sense. But, feeling like that when someone says a snide remark to me...a little overkill.

By being open minded, I have learned I can control most of these outbursts. However, they also occur when something uncontrollable happens(dealing with death of a grandparent, miscarriage, slapped with divorce papers, etc.). I do try my own distraction techniques if I don't have say a pint of ice cream to rely on. I will go for a brisk walk, clean, take a shower, and/or listen to particular music.

I was just wondering about medication because I am afraid my techniques won't work anymore. It just seems sometimes it takes forever to calm down. I did not think I was doing well at all tbh. When people say recovery, does that mean your illness is very well controlled? I know I can't entirely be fixed...but I do feel 90% better with my current medication. It is just frustrating to go from "normal", almost forgetting that annoying bipolar pest in your mind, to an uncontrollable outburst or depressive/manic/mixed episode.