What If Issues

My mother and I got into an argument today. It wasn't explosive, but it was on the brink.

My faith that I can get back up on my feet and live a normal, independent life is very fragile. I have to convince myself everyday that I can do it and to not throw in the towel.

And my mother was just pelting me with "what if" scenarios.
What if I can never drive again.
What if I try to drive and get into a terrible accident.
What if I become very unstable again.
What if I can't find a job.
What if I can't hold down a job.

She doesn't think helping me out is the "right thing to do" because she doesn't think I am capable.

And maybe I'm not. I'm not doing so hot on this medication. I have almost no energy. And without a vehicle, I'll need to be able to walk for hours outside in the cold this winter.

So I'm constantly grappling with all the "what if" issues, and then I have to hear it from my own mother.

Another thing she brought up was how I only apply online, but don't go into fast food places and so on to ask to speak to the manager. And I haven't been doing that, my social anxiety makes it really hard.

So then I'm thinking that maybe my mother is right, maybe I can't have a normal, independent life. And it sparks a small rage in me, because I have to try so hard everyday to convince myself there is hope and to not give up.

Any of you ever get a terrible bout of the "what if" worries?

I did when I was younger. I managed to take care of myself until my early 40s though and none of my fears panned out except for weight gain and physical disability. When I used to walk for miles I'd wonder if I ever might not be able to anymore and it would make me walk longer to appreciate it. Now, not because of that, I can't walk and im glad I appreciated it while I could. I'm glad I was able to work, have relationships and friendships while I could.

I try not to think too far ahead and just take it one day at a time like the AA folks say.

It sounds like you don't want to give up but the fear is holding you back. Sometimes you have to move in baby steps to get to where you want to be. Don't overwhelm yourself and take each task at a time, day by day and give yourself credit for making some type of progress. I know medication can make you so lethargic you have no motivation to get up and do anything, but this is where keeping your pdoc in the loop about how you're feeling and the side effects of your meds come into play. But that want to change comes from within you, and I know you can reach your goals. You haven't given up yet, and you're not going to now.

I totally get bouts of "what ifs".

BUT. All kinds of things can happen. No matter who you are. What with being inherent in the human condition and all that... So what to do?

Cross that bridge when you come to it. IF you even come to it.

Also, it's operating under the assumption that all "what if" outcomes are catastrophic.

CBT this. Reality check. Go ahead and just take it one step at a time, building your confidence as you go. Don't let problems that are only theoretical (and catastrophised theoretical at that!) stop you from trying, ok?

P.s. While "in person" it has its place, online IS the way it's done anymore. I'm old school, and found this to be the (for me, disconcerting) new reality. So it's not exactly a valid point of criticism. (So tell her I told her to stop that! )

Baby steps, one breath at a time.


I've taken the past two years, to sift through what kind of job, what kind of hours, etc works well with my particular challenges...


I started slow, 2 days a week, then 3, then 4 with a regular shift pattern, and now, at long last, I'm ready to take on full time.


Yes I'm luckier than most, in that my employers have never taken issue with my dx, they've been most supportive. But I would've never known that had I stayed home and hid behind all my very own what ifs...


Btw, I've never walked up to a manger and asked for a job.

I've had at least 12 which I applied for online, and that's here in supposedly backward South Africa.


You know your mother is a piece of work, you KNOW this, so stop allowing her to get to you. Reserve that space in your head for something more productive.


People get into car accidents every day, due to drunk driving, bad roads, mechanical failure etc, By your mother's logic nobody should drive. Not even her.

As someone who can't even think of going through an interview without panicking, I understand the fright. I'm going to school this fall, and I want to puke every time I think about it. It def doesn't help when I talk to my husband or dad who pelt me with what ifs. Try to ignore her. You know you are trying very hard. I used to be terrified of driving, but with short trip practice, I can now take my daughter to school all the way to the other side of the city. Give yourself some credit! At least you're putting in the apps and are willing to walk to get there!

Hey Copper:

How are you doing?

Lots of great advice here...and I especially love Trippin's post.....just wondered if you had been able to work thru any of the "what if" terrors........

Hugs

I haven't been doing too well lately, have been avoiding the forums because I didn't want to spread too much negative energy around or accidentally have another blow up. Thank you for asking, though. I'm still hanging in there, though.

You are welcome......keep hanging in there......