[BlackSheep79]

Completely paranoid with anxiety running through my body. I hate this feeling. Fear takes over my body every night. I should have drank earlier way before my meds to help me chill. My legs are all over the place and I'm typing words with my fingers over and over again. Hope I fall asleep soon and tomorrow is a better day.

Got my Abilify Maintenna shot today. Feeling good. My Lamictal is up to 200mg and I think its really helping with my energy level.

Been in a weird place lately, pretty down. BUT. Today I stood up against being extorted So that's good. Even managed to do it calmly, lol.

Feeling pretty good. Had a weird incident that upset me, but tried to respond to it in a calm way. I think I did.

[Takeshi]

I have no recollection of passing days, even hours sometimes. My mind has been busy doing god knows what. I come here often to see how everybody's doing, I didn't remember some of the posts that I put thanks on. I actually came here to find my own, and I didn't post any on the first of December. I was here though, trying hard not to post what was on my mind, I just needed to check to see how many days I'd been up. 2 and half at most, I gave up on the idea of breaking my own record last night, thanks to the friend's words in my head, I'd made a responsible choice there. I have been monitoring myself very carefully, comparing the current state of mind to the ones in the past, as well as eliminating bunch of possible causes and I have to say, sleep hygiene is a little overrated for me personally. I have a few more possible theories in mind and it'll take some time to prove/disprove or they will just remain as are. I was thinking of my parents a bit tonight, it's safe to say the genetic cause is still out. Emotional trauma. Possible, anything is. Though would it come alive years later after a stable carefree period? Other possibility is that my own thinking pattern got derailed, put myself in a maze so to speak, but it sounds a little too far-fetched, isn't it? By eliminating unhelpful things and ideas, even emotions, I have helped myself grown. It is not serious enough to call it a health issues for me right now, I have never experienced this prolonged period of mental state in which things are back to normal, naturally alone, and stress-free, yet, everyday it is like my subconscious is taking over half the brain all day, is that why I find myself breathing harder than I normally would many times a day? What is the sleep to me if I don't stop thinking laying in bed asleep?

Am I in slipstream of my subconscious during the day? Is it time to take a leap forward in time? That just sounds like me alright. All things considered, I'm just doing fine.

(Natural life has been quiet lately in my area 'cos it's winter and I am part of it. Even with my eyes closed,,,,,funny, it doesn't work!(it never works..) Let me rephrase here. With my eyes open, I can imagine the colored leaf carpeting the ground which I see on the way to work, I can also picture starry night sky which I look up while I'm on a bit dazed and dangerous bike ride home. )

“All those who love Nature she loves in return, and will richly reward, not perhaps with the good things, as they are commonly called, but with the best things of this world-not with money and titles, horses and carriages, but with bright and happy thoughts, contentment and peace of mind.”
― John Lubbock

[Lizabelle]

I feel way better today than I did yesterday, probably because I got a full night's sleep (for the first time in weeks....). I'm still trying to decide whether or not the tactile hallucinations that I was having yesterday were more due to the fact that I hadn't slept or that I was highly uncomfortable during what should have been a good experience that night.
I see the new pdoc on Tuesday, and I don't care if I have to call her back after the appointment and tell her what I need, she is going to give me the medicines that I need!

[gayleggg]

I feel some better today. Not quite as depressed. Having some anxiety but hopefully that will get better after the klonopin starts to work. I guess getting out of the house helped after all. And time spent with a good friend.

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[scatterbrained04]

Anxiety is high today. Work was again very stressful. I most likely have someone coming to my house this evening, and my place is a disaster. While I really want to see that person, I just don't feel like I'm prepared. I'm sure I'm making things bigger in my head than they really are...still about ready to have a meltdown.

[Takeshi]

Overslept.. ****! I'm just too old, it's amazing how much of untrue thing I say when I'm sleepless and physically tired. I thought I had a brain, that theory,,has never been proven scientifically...

This is about BS detector, right? I used to be able to call me out on that, My life become a fictional tale as soon as I say it, my past will be a thing that is open to interpretation after I write it down. So, my biography, even an ghost writer couldn't write it for me..

If I were right,,, All the great biographic books that I want to read...could be all ..

ETA: I never smiled this much until,,these past whatever. I gotta say this, hafta copy him again. I'm not retired, I'm just tired! Although I don't feel tired at all most days, I just can't tell. Is this a natural progression of my body or something else entirely? Work ethics, financial planning or anything that concerns my future. My parents did an "excellent" job, and that's an air quote. I'm just stating a fact of my past life that's long long gone!

retire: withdraw(to a place of a safety or seclusion, mid 16th century)

So...I'm not safe out there?! I'm going to say and act like I'm retired, when in fact I never retire from my own life.

Going to Advocacy 101 training at my county health office today. Really looking forward to it.

[scatterbrained04]

I think drinking too much coffee may be contributing to my anxiety lately. Cut back today. Feeling much more calm.

[gayleggg]

Feeling really depressed. Stayed home today and tried to take care of some business but couldn't work out a solution. It has left me feeling ineffective and useless.

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[Moreta]

I'm super excited today. I'm going out with my best friend for dinner. Haven't seen her in a few months. Should be good.

[ColeM1100]

I hate the following things:
My age
My red blotchy skin that's dry all the time
My yellow teeth with stains
My weight
What I see in the mirror
The fact that I'm married and want to change major things but I cannot
Being a pet owner
My position at work
My work
My laziness
No friendships
Having to start all over again at this age
My finances
Nothing to do
Too many chores to take care of
Lack of family
Inability to drive a car
And most of all bipolar disorder for helping to take away
what could have been a decent life

[Unrigged64072835]

Today marks the 21st anniversary of my second husband's death due to suicide. I've finally reached the point where I'm not depressed or anxious about this day or what happened. Guess time does heal somewhat.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by ColeM1100

I hate the following things:
My age
My red blotchy skin that's dry all the time
My yellow teeth with stains
My weight
What I see in the mirror
The fact that I'm married and want to change major things but I cannot
Being a pet owner
My position at work
My work
My laziness
No friendships
Having to start all over again at this age
My finances
Nothing to do
Too many chores to take care of
Lack of family
Inability to drive a car
And most of all bipolar disorder for helping to take away
what could have been a decent life

And living in Alberta - the land of plenty (not)

[cybermember]

This move was a really bad idea all because both housemates wanted to move and I had to too because I had nowhere else to go. This move put my mental health and my wallet in the crapper.

[Cocosurviving]

My day was pretty decent. I took a long nap. Then me and my 18 yr old daughter took my 9 yr old daughter to the doc. Then we went to a car dealership for my 18 yr old afterwards I took her to work. I went to the grocery store. I took a evening nap and now I'm rested to be up on PC

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[hopeless2015]

Feeling like I'm back on stable ground, Christmas shopping today and actually looking forward to it

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[tbird20tv]

Feeling very sad.

[Unrigged64072835]

Just had the car that we bought a few months ago towed to the dealer. It started making an awful racket when it was turned on. Thankfully we have an extended service plan so I hope it will cover what's going on. This leaves us with an old beater car to transport four people everywhere.

Between this and the cat getting sick last week my mood is pretty much shot. I would really like a month where something doesn't go to crap and everyone would stay well.

[tbird20tv]

My thoughts are with you.

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[BlackSheep79]

Left work, my mind won't stop, catastrophizing, depressed, suicidal thoughts, etc. I keep contemplating going to the hospital but I don't think I can handle being away from my husband, we are having problems, and I need to be with him right now. I start therapy next week and I think I'm going to try the bipolar support group again. I'll just try to ride the wave.

[Cocosurviving]

I had a busy day: started on laundry ....took my youngest daughter to the park and the library. Then we went to visit our aunt

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[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by BlackSheep79

Left work, my mind won't stop, catastrophizing, depressed, suicidal thoughts, etc. I keep contemplating going to the hospital but I don't think I can handle being away from my husband, we are having problems, and I need to be with him right now. I start therapy next week and I think I'm going to try the bipolar support group again. I'll just try to ride the wave.

Support groups always helped me. It feels like being around what a family should be

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