[cashart10]

As most of you know, I've never been "good with meds" unless I'm very depressed. However, I have never stopped them entirely since they were prescribed to me again about 3 years ago. Well, now is different. I have been feeling well for several weeks. This is when I always start to become careless with my meds. It's like I feel good so meds aren't at the forefront of my brain and I forget to take them. Well, it's gotten really bad, and, yes, for reasons I can't even find, I'm sure it's probably deliberate at this point. I usually claim "I'm not really Bipolar" when I decide to stop taking my meds but I never actually stop because my support group so heavily itercedes. But now, I don't deny my illness. In fact, I recognize how terribly severe it is and I know how detrimental it could be to stop taking meds. I feel excited by this though. I am not manic, my husband says I am becoming so. He keeps asking if I am taking my meds. I admitted to him that I have been spotty lately and I was honest with my doctor and we talked a lot about it. Now though, if I had to guess, I would say it has been close to a week (if not more) since I have taken EVEN 1 PILL!!! I have not made a deliberate decision to not take them so what do I do? Do I make that decision now and just continue this path? I know my husband will be furious if I tell him I stopped taking meds altogether; he has told me numerous times he would never support it. But, tonight, I am actually afraid to take them. Lamictal, for instance, is supposed to be my "staple" med but it has to be tapered on and off. I am embarrassed to call my doctor because we just discussed this on Thurs and I didn't have this level of concern and I go back to him on the 31st. My sleep has been off kilter which is never a good sign but I am still very much in control and I feel well. I am scared, nervous, and excited about missing so many meds all at once. It's like a ridiculously dangerous double dog dare. Are you really sick Sarah? Are you really? Will you really lose your mind Sarah? Will you really? I get plenty sick on meds. When I was unmedicated the last time, I just became so unwell that I was psychotic and insane for half a year. But, it was very, very, very euphoric for quite some time before it ever became scary. At the same time, I'm still not certain how I survived the depression that followed. I am going to call my pdoc in the morning. I am going to tell him how long it's been and probably start over.

[Victoria'smom]

Calling to Dr is a good idea. I wouldn't start any med till the morning after talking to pdoc. I would not say anything to your husband until after you talk to pdoc.

[ozzy1313]

You have made a deliberate decision to stop all meds. You repeatedly have talked about stopping meds in all of your posts. Things do not happen by accident. You are aware you are not taking your pills.

I guess what I am saying is we are in control of our lives. Yes, we are all here bc we have a mental illness and we cannot control that, but we are in control of how we handle our lives with said mental illness.

I hope you find some peace and work out a plan that keeps you safe and your little ones safe.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by ozzy1313

You have made a deliberate decision to stop all meds. Things do not happen by accident.

I hope you find some peace and work out a plan that keeps you safe and your little ones safe.

You know what will happen. Please get a plan established so that your child/children will be safe when it does.

[raspberrytorte]

Are you addicted to being unstable? Are you one of those people who find stability "boring"? If you want off meds that's fine. It's up to you obviously. But the smart thing to do would have been tapering.

[coffeebuzzbuzz]

I get upset if I am down to one pill the day I go to refill my meds...I don't see how some of you take them off and on. Not judging, seriously don't understand. I get brain zaps horribly within 24 hours without meds, and feel like I'm in a coma. Maybe you guys can withdraw off and on because there is no establishment of meds in your system. I don't know.

I will say that there was a few years of my life where I did not want meds, was in denial and angry at myself. I later realized it was because my ex at the time judged me and pushed me to be that way. I am completely med compliant now and could not be happier. It's taken 15 years to feel this good, but worth it. Just some food for thought.

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know how some people can take them on and off either. If I don't take mine I can really feel it.

[Toodles333]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I don't know how some people can take them on and off either. If I don't take mine I can really feel it.

I tried for a week off them recently. Cold turkey. It's one of the most unpleasant feelings I've had. I couldn't sleep, sit still,think straight or function at a basic level.

[LettinG0]

I tend to agree with raspberry.....do you like being unstable?

I don't mean to sound judgmental but, honey, you have been all over the board and back around twice in the last few months.....

I just want you to do everything in your power to help yourself be as well as you can be.....and IMO that would include taking your meds as prescribed.

Best of luck to you......

[Disorder7]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Are you addicted to being unstable? Are you one of those people who find stability "boring"? If you want off meds that's fine. It's up to you obviously. But the smart thing to do would have been tapering.

I'm constantly stopping and starting my meds, too. I also adjust dosages.

I never thought about it, but maybe some of us are addicted to being unstable. Although if you ask me, I'd say I'm afraid of the side effects. That's my go-to excuse.

Every time I start thinking I'm not bipolar, I come here and read something that sounds like I wrote it....

[cashart10]

I called my doctor this morning and he told me how to restart my meds so I did that this morning.

[LettinG0]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I called my doctor this morning and he told me how to restart my meds so I did that this morning.

Good for you! Good luck with trying to remember to take them.....do alarms help at all?

[cashart10]

I don't gets side effects from not taking meds. Last night I completely freaked out though. I think it was because I realized that I hadn't just been spotty with my meds at this point, I had actually stopped them. My anxiety turn into chaos for several hours. I am better this morning though. I took 1 MG of Klonapin to make sure I slept last night and I did sleep.

I went off my meds once. I said "I needed to be sure I was bipolar." My doctor told me I am an experiential learner.

I found that to be true. That one time proved to me that I am indeed bipolar. That and the fact that she suggested hospitalization. I would not handle that well at all.

[cashart10]

I am very careless. When I start to feel better, it feels like I don't need the drugs. I'm never very level headed about it. But, fear has won in.

Good.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by LettinG0

Good for you! Good luck with trying to remember to take them.....do alarms help at all?

Alarms don't work anymore. If they go off when I'm in the middle of something I'll say "I'll take them in a minute. Sometimes I remember; sometimes I forget. I can't do the pill organizers because I am too afraid of my kids getting a hold of my meds (even in my locked cabinet). That has happened once before. My husband and I are going to talk about this tonight.

[LettinG0]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Alarms don't work anymore. If they go off when I'm in the middle of something I'll say "I'll take them in a minute. Sometimes I remember; sometimes I forget. I can't do the pill organizers because I am too afraid of my kids getting a hold of my meds (even in my locked cabinet). That has happened once before. My husband and I are going to talk about this tonight.

Hope you all can come up with a solution that works for you to help you remember to take it....

If you can't find it in yourself to be responsible and take your meds as prescribed, I would give them to your husband and have him dispense them to you. I'm sure that's not something you would want to do, but if you can't be an adult and do it on your own you need additional help. Like a previous poster said, it sounds like you're addicted to the instability. It might be fun for you but I'm sure it's hell on the people around you. Good luck.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by jupiter3

If you can't find it in yourself to be responsible and take your meds as prescribed, I would give them to your husband and have him dispense them to you. I'm sure that's not something you would want to do, but if you can't be an adult and do it on your own you need additional help. Like a previous poster said, it sounds like you're addicted to the instability. It might be fun for you but I'm sure it's hell on the people around you. Good luck.

My husband has dispensed my meds in the past for different reasons. It's not fun but I recognize when it's necessity. I may be irritating to you, but please regard that you don't really know me outside of my posts on here. I think my overall behavior is something my family understands better than you. Your flagrant sarcasm "might be fun for you" but it is rude to me.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Are you addicted to being unstable? Are you one of those people who find stability "boring"? If you want off meds that's fine. It's up to you obviously. But the smart thing to do would have been tapering.

I am not addicted to being unstable. I spent many years happily stable. I am very afraid of being stable though. I have a hard to manage life (as does everyone, I know) and I used to be very good at it but I have been unable to manage it for so long I'm afraid once I can manage it I'll be terrible. I don't think that's what this is about though.

[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by ozzy1313

You have made a deliberate decision to stop all meds. You repeatedly have talked about stopping meds in all of your posts. Things do not happen by accident. You are aware you are not taking your pills.

I guess what I am saying is we are in control of our lives. Yes, we are all here bc we have a mental illness and we cannot control that, but we are in control of how we handle our lives with said mental illness.

I hope you find some peace and work out a plan that keeps you safe and your little ones safe.

I like this comment. I forget my pills to or put off taking them.until I start to feel the affects of my anxiety issues and depression

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[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I don't know how some people can take them on and off either. If I don't take mine I can really feel it.

Oh my gosh me too! I feel like I can't thrive without. All I have to do is miss a dose or take it too late.

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[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I don't know how some people can take them on and off either. If I don't take mine I can really feel it.

I don't know how bad I actually need it until Mt symptoms come back. It's difficult to be responsible for it with everything else I have going on in my life....I couldn't get out of bes without my meds or do anything....

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[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I called my doctor this morning and he told me how to restart my meds so I did that this morning.

I'm glad. I'm worried about you. One symptom of bipolar is not taking your meds when you feel "good".

I have noticed you have been in a psychosis or manic state by the posts you have been posting. Yo u could have a mixed episode or depression to hit you in the face next.

I hope you get better.

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