[lunaticfringe]

Hi everyone.

I'm back to vent and share some struggles I'm having now after about two months of peaceful stability. I could be worse of course, but I'm very sad on top of what I'm dealing with to have lost my stability. Everything was really going great for a while and I hope to get back to that place.

I'm having some difficult feelings about my current relationship with my fiance. He is a wonderful man and I love him very much but I often find myself saying that I feel "like a wilted flower". I know I have made the right choice in my fiance as he will be a wonderful and caring lifelong partner and would be a great father. Lately however I have been obsessing over a past relationship I had which was very passionate. It was all the things my current relationship are not. My partner is not a very experienced lover and though I have tried to teach him things, there are some things that just cannot be taught. I find myself longing for the passion of my old relationship and I find it hard to resist contacting him.

My obsession with this person (my ex partner) has been going on for years. I have even thought I may have OCD because the obsession comes with a certain level of intrusiveness. I know I'm not doing well when I start to think about him a lot, but I cannot stop. I fantasize and daydream constantly to the point where I am exhausted and can't get anything done which leads me to feel depressed. My thoughts are getting out of control again and I am reminded that I have an illness. I try to manage myself with self care but it's not working.

Has anyone else struggled with an obsession like this over another person? Even though I love my fiance and know my place is with him, I have constant possibly delusional thoughts that my ex is my soul mate and we're spiritually connected somehow. I cannot help but think/know on some level that he feels the same about me, even though we haven't seen each other in years. An old doctor told me I had erotomania, and if that is what it is, it is the worst thing I deal with on a daily basis. It controls me.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

Hi everyone.

I'm back to vent and share some struggles I'm having now after about two months of peaceful stability. I could be worse of course, but I'm very sad on top of what I'm dealing with to have lost my stability. Everything was really going great for a while and I hope to get back to that place.

I'm having some difficult feelings about my current relationship with my fiance. He is a wonderful man and I love him very much but I often find myself saying that I feel "like a wilted flower". I know I have made the right choice in my fiance as he will be a wonderful and caring lifelong partner and would be a great father. Lately however I have been obsessing over a past relationship I had which was very passionate. It was all the things my current relationship are not. My partner is not a very experienced lover and though I have tried to teach him things, there are some things that just cannot be taught. I find myself longing for the passion of my old relationship and I find it hard to resist contacting him.

My obsession with this person (my ex partner) has been going on for years. I have even thought I may have OCD because the obsession comes with a certain level of intrusiveness. I know I'm not doing well when I start to think about him a lot, but I cannot stop. I fantasize and daydream constantly to the point where I am exhausted and can't get anything done which leads me to feel depressed. My thoughts are getting out of control again and I am reminded that I have an illness. I try to manage myself with self care but it's not working.

Has anyone else struggled with an obsession like this over another person? Even though I love my fiance and know my place is with him, I have constant possibly delusional thoughts that my ex is my soul mate and we're spiritually connected somehow. I cannot help but think/know on some level that he feels the same about me, even though we haven't seen each other in years. An old doctor told me I had erotomania, and if that is what it is, it is the worst thing I deal with on a daily basis. It controls me.

I have done this. I have spent time, at periods in my life, so egulfed with another person that obsessing about them has exhausted my every measure. Fantasies, written letters, rehearsed conversations, and invasive thoughts have been enough for me to confess my obsession (disguised as undying love, longing, or affection) to others. This has happened at least 3 times in my life, all to women almost double my age. I have felt such a strong connection that I have believed these women to be a part of me. This has happened only when I have been acutely unstable. The only remedy for me has been "snapping out of it," ie, regainig sanity.

[cashart10]

I would give my pdoc a call if I noticed these symptoms.

[SaraNoia]

I am very sorry you are experiencing these thoughts that seem to prevent you from going forward. Write a list down of your currant partner of all his good attributes and focus on those. Also keeping you mind occupied with doing something that will divert you and keep mind busy. Dwelling on the past does not help. Create new memories. Stop comparing the two. People are different.

There is a story about two monks. They were by a river that needed to be crossed.
A woman came along and needed to get across as well. The first monk, we will him monk x said to the woman, "I will take you across the river". The second monk we will call monk Y said to monk x..."Our religion forbids it, you cannot take her across."
Monk X put the woman on his shoulders and carried her across. Monk Y kept chastising
Monk x........He said........"why did you carry her across?" Monk X said, "I have put her down but I see you have not dropped the pebble"

Bottom line......Let it go!

The best of luck to you and wishes for your good health.

First off, congrats on finding a gem...let's not lose it. When illogical urges and desires start messing with me, that tells me that I need a med adjustment. The past is the past...you're next is your new. If you start regretting or wishing what was, that'll taint the new and future.

Promiscuity and sexual longings are a signal to onset of hypo or mania. Every time I realize this...I tell myself that I'm just being silly and try to snap out of it. Of course, bipolar is instincts gone wild....you need a fix...IMHO.

Good luck!

[Sesiley]

Me...if you let these feelings happen...especially if you cotect that person and do the "wrong" thing....your heart will stray one way and you will stay confused...talk to a therapist and look up (google) techniques to stop these obsessive thoughts. Before it gets out of hand...talk to your fiance about this. You must communicate about EVERYTHING if you even want to make it or your confusion will get out of hand and you will stray the wrong way...also get marriage counseling!!!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

[vjdragonfly]

I have not actually obsessed over a certain person, but I have obsessed over the thought of being with someone else just for the sheer passion. I like the bad boy persona and I don't want to make a relationship out of it though. I am married and I did mess up once, but we were having major marital problems and I was about to leave him, not a good excuse though. I still have those thoughts but I try to actively to reorientate myself when I get those feelings. Therapy helped me a lot in developing coping skills. If you don't see a therapist I would recommend you to find one.

[lunaticfringe]

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughtful responses. I am still having a hard time with this and am working up the courage to call my pdoc. First I need to accept that this is actually my symptoms coming to the surface and not destiny calling my name or whatever.

A side thought - In the past I have been heavily into spiritual concepts and based on my beliefs in the past I have allowed my feelings to lead me completely. My feelings were my only compass in life. It did lead to a lot of confusion and heartache, but I was never more alive than during those times. Anyway...it is a serious struggle to not follow my feelings and internal instincts. I end up getting confused and hurt no matter what I do because my feelings are so strong and yet I cannot fulfill them. This is what really makes me a crazy person I guess. I do whatever I can to dull my feelings but they still eat away at me.

A window into my actual craziness - For years I have believed that this ex of mine and I are spiritually connected. I am certain we have this kind of cosmic connection that will never fade away and that we have known each other in other lifetimes. My soul gravitates towards him even though he has only caused me pain, which leads me to further believe that we have some intense past life karma coming into play. I dream about the day when I meet him again and what it will be like. I know this is all crazy sounding, and I assure you I am not even manic right now. These are the thoughts and feelings I struggle with every day and have been for years. I want to add that these feelings are in a way VERY unwanted and definitely intrude on my thoughts in a majorly loud way. One part of me wants to give into these "bipolar" feelings and live with them as a compass and the other says I need to stay in my stable relationship and be a responsible mature respectable adult. What I truly (I think I guess) want is to be a content, mature adult and to live with logic in mind. Like we're not living in medieval times or something people don't just drop everything they're doing and travel across the continent to see someone they think they're in love with leaving a trail of burnt bridges and devastated family members. No. Every day I tell myself no.

In the past when I was in the hospital three times it was because I was unable to argue with myself and I actually DID fly across the country to see this man and did a slew of other irresponsible but highly romantic (in my mind) things...

It is hard to explain all of this to a pdoc...and in fact I only have mentioned all of this once. It's a long story! And I don't want to be medicated up to my eyeballs.

Do you guys think they will medicate me up to my eyeballs if I tell them all of this?

[vjdragonfly]

Not really sure what they would do. The only thing I can say is talk to them about it. You do have say in the medication you are taking and I'm sure they will work with you. Me honestly, I take whatever they prescribe me just because I want to be normal as possible.

[cashart10]

In my experience, an increase in antipsychotic for this has been the pdoc's order. But, the last time I experienced it it took a while but, as I mentioned, I was acutely unstable and was indeed medicated up to my eyeballs. Don't let them do that to you. It's not necesary. Once it happens, you won't be able to tell the difference between the illness and the side effects of the medication.

[lunaticfringe]

Thank you so much guys.

[BadWolfC]

I've had an experience like this. My first boyfriend was the first person who ever really mattered to me, and it's still hard for me to forget him sometimes. I'm getting married to my wonderful fiance early next year, and even with this going on I still fall into missing my first ex somehow. I had a dream in which I was talking to him a couple weeks ago, and it nearly destroyed everything I've worked up to. I manged to bury it again after a few days, at least to the point where it doesn't hurt me.

Some people are just hard to forget, especially when you have that kind of connection. I thought this guy was meant to be with me, but now I know that I was dead wrong. But even knowing that, I still miss him sometimes. Did you ever get significant closure with this person? I think my main problem is that I never did, I never knew the real reason he left me and it still eats away at me.

I would tell you that it's normal to feel the way you do, but I'm honestly not sure. It's normal for me, anyway.

[lunaticfringe]

For anyone who wants to know more about the extent of my crazy, I am bumping this post to get more feedback.

[WibblyWobbly]

I think it might help ground you to look at the facts rather than fantasize about what may be. Ask yourself some questions... How long has it been since you broke up? Has he made any effort to get back together? How likely is it that he has moved on with his life? How successful have your attempts to reunite with him been? Is it possible that your pursual scares him or might be illegal? Who tells you and shows you he loves you in your present life? Who craves a relationship with you and your attention? Who would notice if you decided to run away and join a convent? Who comforts you when you are in distress?

You get the idea. Maybe you can find some things about your current partner that meet your needs in the way no one else has before. If you're feeling too restless, maybe you can do some traveling.

For what it's worth, I'm also trying to get over my ex. We were together for 12 years and I thought we were soulmates. It's been 9 months and I still have the urge to inject myself in his life every day.

[Nammu]

Medications don't have to be forever and if they can help keep you from making rash decisions that may be worth talking to the doc about these symptoms honestly. It's up to you to decide if you want to take the risk of losing what you have for what may be a short fling.

Remember deciding to make no decisions is making a decision too.