I think I can **** si trigger ****

******* SI TRIGGER .... SI TRIGGER .... SI TRIGGER *******



The little bipolar that could, he said I think I can, I think I can. …

when he needed to get over the blahs … I think I can, I think I can …

when he got irritable … I think I can, I think I can …

when he was manic, … I think I can, I think I can …

when he was raging … I think I can, I think I can …

when he was pissed …. I think I can, I think I can …

when he was racing …. I think I can, I think I can ...




when he was si …. ………………………..




Tigger is feeling dark lately ….. sorry . not sure what I feel ...

Don't really know this feeling ... very calm .

sleep , the darkness, scary and comforting at the same time .... no one can see you , the real you, in the dark ... but sleep is so hard ... afraid to go to sleep , .... when will I wake up .... hooked to a cpap ... like a respirator ... like being a living machine ... being less than human .... lonely ... afraid ...a wasted life .... not brave enough to keep my eyes shut ... going on out of fear of the unknown ... sameness gives comfort ... the living dead .......

have caused so much pain in the past ... never want to cause pain to any living creature again ... just need to blend into the shadows ... to become invisible ... loving but never loved ... sacrifice ones desires to blend into nothing ... removing unneeded things that leave a trace ... becoming the wind ...

Tigger, please hang in there , friend. I've never met you in person, of course, but I care!

I have to sleep with a cpap every night. I have COPD as well as my MIs. It takes adjusting but it helps me breathe when I sleep, so it's a life saver. Not one I wanted in the beginning but you get used to it. Also please don't hide your beautiful soul ( what you've shown on PC so far) in the shadows, please.

I don't know if it helps at all... but you're not alone.

(((Hugs)))

less than the wind ... like the dust ... that is everywhere but nowhere ... from dust we begin ... to dust we return .... the circle of life ... no one can change it ... only prolong the pain out of duty, or fear ...

yes the machine ... the giver of life ... the artificial life ... the means to keep my pitiful soul here ...

I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I'm sorry

yes ,a zombie, not alive but unable to die .... living on others ... a pitiful existence ...

no worries .... no need to be sorry .. live your life ... enjoy every second of it ... live for those who can not ....

the zombies of the world sucking the very life out of others ... darking a room meerly by being there .... the unlife of the party ... the undead ... the unreal ...

the unloved ... do you know why Tigger loves so freely and really means it ... because he is desperately trying to be loved back ... so far it has not worked ... it is my last hope ... my last straw .... my last reason ...

I know I am tiring to hear ... it is no easier on this side either ... I write because I must .... to not write is to burst open ... to let all the festering puss pour out ...

Christina who is very wise, said keep it on one thread, see I am trying to make it easier for you to skip this .... but I can not skip it ... I live it ... if this can be called a life .... I have all the trappings of a successful life ... I have even over come my work fear (mostly) ... but it is just not "there" for me ... it eludes me ... it teases me ... I am tired of failing to catch it ...

Like a disease , ... a disease of life ... my god am I so upside down ...

Down ....

no one wants to slap the great Tigger ,, to kick the one who tries so hard to help others ,, to see the hypocrite for who he is ... a fraud .. a cheat ..a nobody ... Am I not even worth your scorn ...

I don't know what to say. So I'll keep "hugging" you, I don't know if it helps.

I have spoke my peace ,, if I wake and have anything left , I will return ... be afraid peeps ... for the Tigger rides tonight ... and I bite ...

Is it really that G*damn hard to love another human being .....

Tigger are Saturday's bad for you? I hope you are okay.

why do we seek love when the answer is so clear and the hope is so gone ...

why can't we be happy with all the trappins of success ...

is love, is sex, is peace of mind that important ...

sexual depression
I believe my sexual preference and lack of support from my wife has led to my depression ... I find myself drawn heavily in bondage ... which I think comes from the need to be sexual but not the cause of the sexual pleasure .... I suppose to be from a deep seated guilt about sex ...

I realize this is one sided as I am seeking to have these things "done" to me .... in my defense she has never been very sexual ... I think because of her upbringing ... she finds oral sex repulsive either giving or receiving ... we have mutually agreed to give up having intercourse ... as neither of us has any real desire that way ...

It's not an issue of wanting someone else it is just a realization neither of us are desiring intercourse ... however I do feel a "need" to have an orgasm at least a few times a year or so ...

For several years we had a working arrangement of occasionally "playing" .... but I think it has caused her to lose her sense of self esteem and a feeling of being used ...

She has never expressed any desire to be touched sexually but I think the one sidedness has soured on her

I have for years pleaded with her to seek counseling but she refuses saying they would side with me ... I ask her to chose the T and maybe go alone at first to build a relationship but she refuses ... which leads me to believe there is abuse or other issues in her past she does not want to face ...

leaving or finding a play partner is not going to happen ... As I am "old school" and those options just do not exist ...

I really don't think there is an answer to this question ... mostly just wanted to see it in print as that helps me to distance myself from the pain ... thanks for listening ...
__________________
Tigger loves you

I wonder if self bondage could "accidently" be used as a way to end the "pain" ...