Is this a form of bipolar? Can BP be linked to schizoid PD or to atypical depression?

In the last four years, except for 1.5 years when I had a shopping addiction, I've been regularly experiencing some sort of episode. When I had the shopping addiction I felt my normal self though. No episodes then. But it was costly. So I stopped with that. I was not surprised that the episodes slowly returned afterwards.

The episodes look like, I first start overthinking, analysing crap, unnecessarily, think too much in general, locked in my mind, I start to neglect daily tasks and everything, I just sit at my computer or in the bedroom and think total bs stuff. It's really no good, sometimes almost feeling schizo. This can last up to a week.

Sleep also is skipped due to that, I maybe even forget to eat. I definitely forget to do my sports training.. which is no good.

Then eventually I get some emotional outbursts, that part lasts only for a day or two maybe, I get exhausted too fast by that. Then when I'm exhausted, I do return to baseline, next day I feel like I crashed for a few hours then I'm entirely back to baseline. Please note below my description of this baseline.

When lucky the whole thing is over in a couple days. That's been more often than the week long episodes actually.

In the first two years beyond all this, I had two episodes that were not only a whole week long but ended in a psychotic breakdown. I was seen in the hospital for each one, first time I just left without permission lol, after I got a little sleep on the pill they gave me, the second time I was hospitalized for a few days then got sent home, with "one-time not specified psychotic episode".

The psychosis stuff did not repeat since then because I figured out the trigger for it (it was me trying to get too close to an unresponsive partner in a relationship). But the episodes themselves did continue.

This year I also got, on top of all that, some sort of general emotional dysregulation. I've got that somewhat under control too by now. It's like, the intensity of emotions are not regulated right, I'm not being myself at least. Positive and negative emotionality alike. Depressive ones included. But also over the top positive too. It's all been really bad and has had a compulsive flavour to it which made it even worse.

It looks like I gained some control over this and the episodes themselves recently, in the last month or so; simply by recognizing my mindsets and recognizing how it's just leading to a dead end if I let myself overcome by too much thinking and too much emotionality. I mean I get nowhere with that so why allow this?

So I'm really vigilant on my sleep schedule now because if I don't sleep enough hours at a night then next day I'm already a bit susceptible to a new episode start. I have to be careful with that.

I am hoping it does not come back mainly because I do not want it to mess with my sports training - that I've had problems with in the last half year for some reason, depression??? - or other tasks in my daily life. I've been unable to work in these last 4 years, too.

My baseline since age 18 is some low-ish energy baseline that sounds somewhat like atypical depression. Though I do like and prefer to have a project with a long term goal to focus on - work or sports, etc, anything I can also analyse while doing it -, not much energy beyond that. Unlike before age 18. Also willingly isolated myself from people since age 18. I hardly visited university classes, only as much as they required me to. Even with work, I only did remote work, not in a workplace around people. I'm 32 now.

That isolation was kinda like schizoid PD. I no longer want to be isolated but, as a result, instead I'm having these episodes. So it's no good.

Background on that isolation and me in general if it's relevant in any way, in this post: http://forums.psychcentral.com/4696614-post1.html

In that post, I also mention how the whole shiit stirring started. I can go into details on that if it's important enough.

Thanks!

Have you been seen by a psychiatrist for a full evaluation?

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I dont know either.

Sorry, but, honest question, what are these forums for if not for getting a bit educated? I did not write this post to just be told to go to a psychiatrist to get evaluated.

I am really interested whether BP is ever linked to schizoid PD or to atypical depression.

I am also interested in whether people here diagnosed with BP relate to any of what I wrote.

And in any other thoughts that you or anyone else may think of beyond this standard question about a psychiatrist.

I remember reading that atypical depression was linked to bipolar disorder.

I don't know how to answer the second question though.

The reason I asked this question was because your comparing your symptoms of Schizoid PD to possible Bipolar symptoms .. I was not sure if you had already been diagnosed Schiziod PD

"Typically" Bipolar follows as such . Baseline , funtioning well no major problems to More than a week of hypo/mania that can turn to mania for a week or more then depression/crash follows lasting weeks to months.

Its not common for Bipolar shifts to change in a day one way then flip back to anohter in a day or so... Unless its a " Mixed episode" and those are almost always pure hell on earth and most people run as quickly as possible to a Doctor.

Sorry if my question upset you in any way.

I have absolutely no idea but to me it sounds more like anxiety.

You say you don't want to be isolated anymore-that doesn't sound like schizoid PD. PwSPD have a hard time interpreting human interactions and prefer to be alone. Having to interact with people can cause anxiety and drain their energy. I don't think the desire for isolation would go away without treatment, if at all.

Thanks, oh I see now why you asked, it's OK , no, I don't have an official diagnosis mainly because no one so far has bothered to try and diagnose me (I have been to several places so far yep).

Mixed episode, well if you mean having both positive and negative emotions intensely, hell yes that's what I have. I'm fine after it runs through me though... I act it out a bit then finally I get exhausted and then it feels like my mind is finally clean, no thinking anymore (A bit of a depressive crash next day after episode end but that passes fast too)

I was bringing up schizoid PD because I had symptoms very similar to that for many years but it's possible it's just similar and not outright schizoid PD. Perhaps just a coping mechanism that resembles the personality disorder itself.

Anyway how it is relevant is that when I wanted to finally exit my isolation is when all the moody **** started It was a sudden change tbh, me wanting to change from isolation back to normal.

Why not ask in a schizoid forum?

Maybe you are not bipolar?

Oh and are you trying to say that bipolar people maintain a specific strong mood constantly? Before changing to another?

That's absolutely not how mine is, tbh, it is intense yes but it changes easily between the positive and negative. Real fast switch in seconds.

Ask in the schizoid forum about mood swings you mean? Let me know what you meant exactly.

The other option I'm considering is something resembling schizoaffective disorders but I think that also comes with psychotic stuff regularly? I'm past my psychotic episodes though I used to have them due to a certain trigger.

Not bipolar, imho.

Yes I had exactly that a long time ago. Anxiety, energy drain. Specifically for a few years I had incredible energy drain if around people. That started up when I was 18. I could not go to school or to a workplace. I stayed in isolation for 10+ years overall. (I did remote work.) I no longer have that sort of energy drain somehow, it went away after enough rest I suppose. The desire for isolation did not go away on its own though, it only changed 4 years ago when I ran into some guy who I tried to have a relationship with. That relationship lasted for a month but I never fell in love or anything, just the initial contact made me feel like I was connected.. for a short time or something. I never had that experience before I think? Not even before I was 18 and my normal default self. Then I just changed into this crazy and moody person afterwards lol and no longer wanting isolation. I'm 32 now btw if I didn't mention that.

Idk if that makes sense But this is why I wondered about some link if one is known between the two disorders.

Why? Can you tell me a bit more? Thanks

Why anxiety? That's actually not one of my main symptoms. I have a bit of OCD, have had it for a long time but it's not serious. Nothing else that's anxiety related. I mean I do not feel much anxiety, if that's what you mean.

If you mood is changing in a matter of seconds then no I do not think that Bipolar is at play. Personality disorders can switch on a dime. I of course am not a Pdoc and can't diagnose.

imho this is not Bipolar.

Oh this is the sort of stuff they don't tell you in generic descriptions. Thanks

What did you mean by PD's switching on a dime?

The thing with mood is you should keep a mood tracker. I have rapid cycling bipolar with mixed states. I have a very clear cut cycle and I cycle continuously with very rare times of "calm" or "normal" mood. I also have mixed states, which makes it really hard to always pinpoint what is going on with my mood exactly, since part of my cycle I'm manic and depressed at the same time.

The thing is, if I'm already in that muddled mixed area, even just getting close to it, my mood can switch on a dime depending on the triggers. I can be crying, then laughing, then yelling. It's all very complicated and dangerous for me.

Now, I'm not a pdoc either, but that's exactly why you should get evaluated. Because here we can only guess at what is going on. It could be PD or it could be something else. Borderline Personality Disorder tends to fluctuate mood wise more than traditional BP from a strict sense.

Also I have the Dx of schizoid PD. I don't know if it's correct, I don't fit into that box, either. I like working alone (not as a team), But I don't like total isolation.

So, anyway, it's all very complex and difficult to deal with by yourself.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

OK that sounds more like me, except that my baseline when I'm not in these episodes is very calm actually. I feel normal and all, though not as normal as before age 18 (because of the schizoid like thingie).

It is not exactly dangerous either except when I had some suicidal desires but that's gone I think. It just really interferes with my normal daily activities.

What is the mood tracker good for? Because I'm already aware of how my moods go, is the point of this tracker thing to share it with others, therapists etc?

Wow, you actually have BP and schizoid PD together? Did you first have SPD? If so then how did the BP start up for you?

As for borderline disorder, I don't match the BPD descriptions or criteria as I don't have those fluctuating self-image issues, I'm not doing intense unstable relationships either, I'm not emotional enough for that and I prefer stability in friendships (I do not know much about romantic relationships at all, I dread even the idea of trying). The emotional thingies in my episodes I try not to show to anyone, tbh. I'm not emotional outside my episodes at all.

Another question, did they ever consider atypical depression for you? That's the one other thing I can relate to if it isn't SPD.

PS: I'm sorry if this wasn't made clear before but I've been to several psych's, and I've had enough of how inefficient that system works, I never got a diagnosis either

It is hard for me to keep. I am really volatile when manic.

It kind of reminds me of Borderline Personality Disorder. At least what you describe as moods switching on a dime....

But Im no doctor.

I also agree, that it does sound more Borderline. They can be confusing.

Are borderlines fully unemotional/calm outside episodes? I am.

So the rapid cycling bipolar does not have moods switching like that? I may have misunderstood that then? Let me know, thanks.