How many identify with being a "bad" bipolar?

Meaning, sometimes letting the hypomania, mania win?

My therapist and I say my "edge", as in close to the edge of the cliff, is literally as far out as it can be.

I guess I am a bad bipolar because the depression beats me down again and again.

Also feel like avert very very bad person for being the way I am.

[cashart10]

Only when severely manic does my temper become out of control and sometimes even hysterical. Hypomania sometimes equals *****y but I can usually keep the irritation and anger at bay.

However, when I was psychotic, I believed I heard and therefore obeyed the voice of God. My psychiatrist is quick to remind me of women who have committed monstrosities because they heard the voice of God telling them to do things. I don't think I could ever hurt another human, only myself, but it is very scary to think.

[cmorales]

Guilty. I chase every time I feel it coming on. And oddly enough, I sometimes dwell in the depression as well. It's just... such intense feelings unlike any normie will ever feel. But, alas, that's all gone now given my meds dulling everything to barely there, (I guess I shouldn't complain about that, but hell, this is a thread about being a bad BP, which I just admitted to, so, whatever, right?)

[Nammu]

Guilt and I are very very close

[wiretwister]

to be a "bad" bipolar implies there is a "good" bipolar ... think about that ...

[vjdragonfly]

I feel like a bad bipolar because my dad is in the hospital and I just feel like I can't deal with it right now. I just want to be in my hole.

[*Laurie*]

OP, do you mean being self-destructive? Or striking out at others because you feel self-destructive?

I call that perpetuating abuse. Personally, I try hard not to abuse myself or others.

[WibblyWobbly]

I'm bad at being compliant with my meds. I skipped about 5 days last week and ended up going ballistic. As soon as I took a dose of lithium I felt very ashamed.

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

OP, do you mean being self-destructive? Or striking out at others because you feel self-destructive?

I call that perpetuating abuse. Personally, I try hard not to abuse myself or others.

No, not abuse at all. I am not talking about that.

Letting myself get too close to the edge. Chasing the mania. Revelling in the depression. Feeling too much.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

No, not abuse at all. I am not talking about that.

Letting myself get too close to the edge. Chasing the mania. Revelling in the depression. Feeling too much.

Oh, yes. I used to do that when I was younger. Most definitely. I 'indulged in the chaos'. Even told myself it was a spiritual experience. Maybe it was. But then too much real life slammed in on me...losing all my aunts and uncles, then my parents, beloved pets, a much-wanted pregnancy, my precious sister getting cancer, recovering, and getting cancer again...just too much stuff and too many losses. 'Fun' hypomania somehow turned into hellish, torturous dysphoric hypomania. Delusions tortured me. 'Indulging' lost its luster. I would give almost anything to just feel peaceful. So nooo...don't 'indulge' anymore.

[Ruminati]

i can relate to that Laura Beth. when i'm high i feel like anything is permissable,that i have no boundaries.... i get really out going and overly flamboyant.

On the slide down i feel really embarrassed to say the least, and often have a lot of apologies to make..some thankfully receive them- others sadly wont hear my sorries... this is the life.

[Azvixxen]

I'm horrible in the fact that I can easily give in and want to give in to the mania. I know it is bad for me, but I once explained to a friend that for me I have never had to use recreational drugs because my mania when in it is a high and euphoric state that abusers chase and dream of attaining. And as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized that there really isn't much of a difference between giving in to the mania and the actions of a drug abuser. Does that mean I fight it? - I wish.