 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
May 17, 2016, 11:38 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I've been so so up. So happy, so whatever. I don't have the desire to explain the positivity because now I resent it. There were moments of tumultuous turmoil Mixed in, but mostly I was winning.
This weekend something changed. My thoughts became too big and too small. Intrusive thoughts of anxious violence, despair. My therapist, yesterday says he has been worried for awhile. My boyfriend says he witnessed increased anxiety and knows I haven't been sleeping, but thinks things are fine; our routine is just "out of whack". He's right. It is. He is missing the part where I feel like I'm soaring and out of touch or drowning desperately in nothing.(in ****ing nothing! What an insult) My coping is excellent and In moments like this I resent it. No one believes what they cant see. I'm certain I will never feel accepted and understood. I'm not sure if I'm just a giant baby. Maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills. Maybe the flirting, the drinking, the daytime marathons of drinking and gyming, the nighttime a full of poetry and reading and midnight conversations filled with insight and exuberance, maybe the 6 grand I ran up on my credit cards last month and all of the times I couldn't catch my breath were once again, figments of my imagination. Maybe throwing up everything that I eat because i feel too much of it and swirling desperate thoughts of speed and suicide and visions and dreams of death death death are nothing. I feel so lost. It all feels pointless Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
 Gabyunbound
|
|
#2
May 17, 2016, 01:48 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It's all just imagination, as I see it, and there are limits to it different for everyone and at different times. If you can imagine something to be, as, real, it's real.
What looks like freedom isn't freedom. Freedom can't be seen, just experienced. If you are drawn to things very strongly and you feel you have to, you aren't free. If you can't seem to do anything, you aren't free. My coping is excellent too. It limits me. If I think I escaped my troubles, new ones arise. Different, less tangible.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
 Coconutzo
|
|
#3
May 17, 2016, 01:53 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I know these feelings all too well. It's a very tough thing to go through. My mania always starts out as this amazing feeling of exuberance and invincibility and then it devolves into horrible anxiety, anger, resentment and feeling completely out of touch and alone (which is where I'm at right now)
I hope things get better for you.
__________________
Bipolar I Borderline Personality Disorder ADHD Generalized Anxiety Disorder "You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.” ― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls |
| Coconutzo
|
|
#4
May 17, 2016, 02:15 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
Looks like we are rowing the same boat. I hope you feel better too. Hugs |
| Anxiousvalkyrie
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
