[RomanJames2014]

Today I accidently started to tell my therapist how depressed and sad I really was. I am not suicidal but have suicidal thoughts and sometimes contemplate it. Like an idiot I almost said too much and I could tell he began to try and pry it from me. I could not get locked up right now. I am so busy with school and work and stuff that IP would be totally unacceptable. His face started to turn and show immediate concern but I was able to change the subject seeing as how I have gone completely manic. I have decided to go off of my meds because I feel like my PDOC and Therapist are just trying to control me. Sometimes I don’t even believe in bipolar disorder. I think its all made up by doctors, pharma, and insurance companies. I feel like he would love to have me committed just to have some drama to talk about.

Does anyone else ever fear or face this? I know that it might be good to go away for a bit buy I really can’t and I really don’t want to.

[Keegan2015]

Man I feel you

Idk if BP is "made up," but I can't tell if I've been misdiagnosed or not at this point -- I've been seeing shrinks since I was 5 years old.

My most recent PDoc saw me 2 months ago, wanted to put me on anti-depressants and ****. I told him I didn't want that because I was worried they'd trigger mania and that I was uncomfortable with the side effects.

At the end of the session I told him that I'd been feeling suicidal lately, and he was just like "But do you have a plan?"

And I was like "Not specifically."

So over the past couple of weeks I've been developing the specific plan. "Thanks Pdoc!"

"Please prescribe me more mood-stabilizers and SSRIs and ****. I know I can never talk to you as well. I miss my old PDoc, she was cool, too bad I showed up at a session drunk and got IP and can't see her anymore, :/ blah."

Sorry, a lot on my mind too, but I feel like I relate to you. I've been med free for about 6 weeks now. I don't trust doctors and I hate being IP (Edit: IP sucks in general, but especially now that I actually have job responsibilities and people depending on me, I CAN'T waste a week and half of my life chilling in the looney bin again)

[wiretwister]

both you guys are playing with fire ... be careful you don't get burned ....

[Mr.Arch-Vile]

it's best to stick with meds just so you can have a "told ya so" moment with the doctor when it turns out the medication you've been prescribed did nothing; by not taking your meds you miss your opportunity for that!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

I think you owe it to yourself to be honest with your mental health team. You are doing yourself a disservice.

There is a difference between being suicidal and having suicide ideation. Generally one isn't hopitalized for the later.

[LettinG0]

I don't understand the purpose of having a mental health team if you aren't going to be honest and aren't serious about managing your mental illness.

[jacky8807]

Idk....my team told me it's very very VERY common for people with bipolar to do things like that
Especially stopping meds
I can attest to that at different times!

[Nammu]

Sounds more like a very dangerous mixed mood state.

Worried about you...keep us posted. xo

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by RomanJames2014

I have decided to go off of my meds because I feel like my PDOC and Therapist are just trying to control me. Sometimes I don’t even believe in bipolar disorder. I think its all made up by doctors, pharma, and insurance companies. I feel like he would love to have me committed just to have some drama to talk about.

I did the exact same thing for the exact same reason back in spring of 2014.'let me just say it ended with me being terrified to leave my house, believing people were implanting thoughts in my head and could read my thoughts, and thinking everyone I met was trying to kill me. And of course ended in hospitalization because even when I started my meds again they didn't work.

Point is looking back I can see I started to become paranoid three weeks before the complete meltdown and my first thoughts were "they're just trying to control me".

Be mindful. Your thoughts can betray you. Bipolar is very real; it took that episode to convince me. I hope you don't run into the same issue.

[CopperStar]

Yeah I know that feel. BP typically leaves me feeling very much so caught between a rock and a hard place.

On one hand, I read/hear the angle that it's a matter of personal responsibility to overcome denial about one's mental illness, to be responsible by taking medications both for your own sake and the sake of those around you. I hear/read it and I do understand it. I know that sometimes IP is the most responsible option. I do get it.

But on the other hand, there is everyday life also staring you down from the other corner. It's hard enough as it is to hold down a job and provide for one's self, then it's even harder to do it with mental illness, and then add experimenting with meds / taking time for appointments / needing time for IP / etc - all of which can jeopardize one's job or education - and it's just like.. what the heck are you really supposed to do sometimes?

Like one can listen to the arguments saying take the meds or go IP or spill your guts to your pdoc, and one can understand those arguments and the reasoning behind them. But there is often soooo much at stake, and it's just really not a simple decision, like at all.

Then I also know that feel.. as far as how constantly being torn between like that, can grow resentment, frustration and oppositional thinking. Basically like getting overwhelmed to the point of just wanting everyone - doctors, therapists, relatives - everyone, to just back the hell off.

It really does suck.

[Victoria'smom]

If you don't stick with medicine at least be honest with your t. Get one who is willing to work with you off meds.