[Wanderlust90]

I feel like life is meaningless. A rat race. I feel like it's all stupid & not worth it. I can function still but keep ruminating on self destruction. Is this depression. I know it may sound like a stupid question but is this what others also experience?

Currently feeling very alone & disillusioned. I want to enjoy life not go through the motions. Also feeling really disconnected. Like when I talk I sound completely incongruent with how I feel. Wearing a mask.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Sounds like depression but everyone experiences depression differently and to various degrees.... only you and your Drs. can really say for certain. How long have you been feeling this way? You are dxd w/ BP2 ...does it feel like past episodes of depression you have had? and how long have you been on your present meds? Maybe they need tweaking

[Wanderlust90]

I feel this way on & off & have for approx 2 years now, have been dx BP2 since March. Sometimes it's gone but mostly it is an intrusive questioning of the point of the world around me & intrusive thoughts of suicide. I want to isolate but after a little while my own mind drives me mad & I start to feel really really agitated.

I have been on Prozac since September & lithium since October but I have, against what would now seem all common sense, once again stopped taking my meds. I know. I don't even know why other than I was sick so couldn't take them one night then just decided I probably don't have bipolar & I'm just making a big deal out of nothing so I stopped. That was 13 days ago. This did not turn out well for me last time I did this & to be honest I almost feel like it's a form of self destruction again.

But I can't keep this conflict out of my head. Constantly questioning whether I'm actually unwell or a complete ****ing drama queen. I feel like I'm in a way testing the dx by messing with the meds but it seems the obvious thing to do sometimes?

I'm so confused. Can't make up my mind about what I want or who I am because my outlook changes so frequently. I've questioned whether I fit a BPD dx instead but I don't think I'm really that severe.

[B2008]

New to this but my lifelong friend with bp says it's very common to think you're ok and stop taking the meds. For her that never turned out well.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[raspberrytorte]

I feel similar. I also wish I could enjoy my life, instead of not looking forward to every day.

I question my diagnosis all of the time too. Am I just making it up? Is there really nothing wrong with me? When I do that my husband tells me I'm not making anything up and brings up my history.

I hope you feel better soon. Hugs.