[Dakuliu]

I have been dealing with this disorder for quite a long time. I have experianced the highs and the lows, but more recently it has been severe bipolar depressiln. Growjng up I was sexually abused more then 10 times all by different people. I recently opened up about it and my depression has become worse. All I think about is dieing and suicide. The only reason I haven't acted on my thoughts is I dont want to hurt the people that "love me" a few days ago a friend of mine comitted suicide and it is causing me to want to act on my thoughts more then ever. I am extremely anxious, I was before, but now it is alot worse. I dont know what to do anymore.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't have the same type of trauma but in my experience it does get worse before it gets better, especially when you start talking about your trauma for the first time. You have to keep talking about it and not let it eat you alive. Try to keep holding on. It WILL get better eventually.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That is a shame. I can understand how it would be triggering for you but remember your loved ones. You wouldn't want hurt them that way. Seek help.

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[steven w]

Hey. Your mind can do awful things to you. I have been hospitalized twice when I literally lost my mind and could think of only taking my life. When your brain does that you are totally irrational in thought. You need to go get care as soon as possible. Being trapped in the hospital can do wonders for you. First of all, it keeps you alive. Second, you will get direct attention to your needs. Get a loved one and talk to them about going in, don't take yourself. If you need a listening ear, PM me.

[Dakuliu]

Um thank you steven, I dont like talking in general. My anxiety os just as bad as my depression. But I will give it a try, if nothing good comes of it I will be sure to message you.

[PumpkinPieHead]

Please, if you think you are hurting yourself, go to the ER or contact your Pdoc about being admitted right away.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've been abused as well. I had to talk about the abuse, over and over, until it can no longer affect me. I'm still not completely over it, but I'm getting better with managing the pain. It helps to have a therapist who knows how to deal with trauma.

Your mind is lying to you sweety! Please don't listen, it's just in self-destruct mode. I always try to practice distraction to stay out of my head to avoid them kinds of thoughts. I hope that you can and that things get better for you.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by Dakuliu

Um thank you steven, I dont like talking in general. My anxiety os just as bad as my depression. But I will give it a try, if nothing good comes of it I will be sure to message you.

I am the same way as you in that matter. I've never been overly talkative but at one point I finally went to talk to a psychiatrist and I really enjoyed it. I didn't think I could talk as much as I did.

Just remember to keep it at the pace you're comfortable with. I wasn't too keen on releasing my darkest secrets, but for the most part it really helped.

I'm reading a book called ' the introverts way ' and one part it says that you can always go and leave if you don't enjoy it, but if you never go you'll never know the joys. Keep that in mind. Well wishes friend!

[hopeless2015]

Depression is an ugly horrible thing...it lies like nothing else. Please take care and seek help and stay safe...big hugs

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[Dakuliu]

Everyone, thank you for all your support. It means more then anyone could imagine. Ill do my best to be happy