Struggling with bipolar

Hello all, I found this forum and thought it might help me. Have really been struggling as of late. I had a depressive episode recently and spend a couple weeks either crying all the time or in bed. It seems like I've come out of that, I'm able to be up and about now and not crying all the time but my mood fluctuates a lot. Sometimes in recent days I feel euphoric and that everything is fine, that I don't have bipolar, that I can come off meds, etc. Other times I feel terribly irritable for no good reason, feel like no one understands, and feel really stuck. When I was in the depression I had a lot of suicidal thoughts, which I've not had before like that. I also was having side effects from meds and my doctor told me to decrease some of them (risperdal). I reduced lamictal too without asking him a couple weeks ago, at the time I did it hoping it would make me a little hypomanic and pull me out of the depression. I think it might have worked but I still don't feel stable. I haven't really felt stable in months and I feel like my life is not going well. The depression I had recently really did a number on me. I'm not working right now and am off a couple more weeks. I worry I'm not going to be stable enough to keep up. I feel like everyone that supports me expects me to just 'snap out of it' or that it will pass, and 'stay positive' and I don't feel like they understand how much of a struggle I've been having. It would be really nice to get some feedback and maybe here from someone who has been in a similar spot before. Thanks for reading and glad I found this board.

Hello piano97: Welcome to PsychCentral! I believe you will find many knowledgeable & caring members here with whom you will be able to share information & concerns. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become. So keep posting!

Thank-you. I'm glad I found this. I feel some relief already just by reading some of the posts. Makes me feel less isolated and that others are going through some of the same things.

Welcome, and I related to your post greatly.

I have BPD and despite 80 mg of latuda, do not feel much better. I have the irritability and the mood swings. I'm supposed to be "evening out" as I just started Latuda barely a month ago, and my next pdoc appointment is Jan. 19th and I can't wait to adjust my meds.

If you ever need to talk to a kindred spirit, please feel free to PM me. I check in often.

Hello and welcome to PsychCentral.

Welcome to Psych Central. This is a great group where you will find support. If you need anything then you can message me

Welcome to the Psych Central community, piano97! I also have bipolar and I can relate to what you've been going through. People who tell us to "snap out of it" just don't understand how real and how debilitating this disorder is. It sounds like you might be going through a mixed episode after your depression. I understand feeling "fine" sometimes and thinking you don't need your meds. Try to resist that thinking. And do get involved in the bipolar board-- and any other boards of interest to you. You'll meet lots of friendly, understanding people who can provide support, good feedback, and encouragement. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

Thank-you Mountain. I'm glad I found this. I feel at the end of my rope. It does seem like I'm mixed now, yesterday I had extreme irritability and then this morning could barely get out of bed and had major brainfog. I couldn't remember yesterday and finally did and realized what a change it had been. I made myself exercise for 25 minutes today and ate twice so far I have therapy this afternoon. I'm scared to switch meds though what I'm on clearly isn't working. I keep thinking tomorrow will be better and then tomorrow I'm as or more stuck than I was the day before. This board makes me realize there's other going through the same things and that at least gives some comfort.

i know what everybody means when they say they read others posts and then they don't feel so bad. i don't want to willow in my pity party so i have empathy for others here. welcome and enjoy!!!!

do you play piano? i got up to the john thompsons fifth grade book and learned a little bach and beethoven too, but lost some of my talent as i was ill.

Hi piano, welcome to PC! I saw you in the chat room. I look forward to meeting you there.

moogs

Kudos for the exercise and eating! They're both so important. I hope you have a good session with your therapist too. I understand about being nervous about changing meds. Mine were adjusted recently and I was concerned about it, but the adjustments (and one addition) turned out to be exactly what I needed.

avlady I play a little piano but mostly have been a guitar player. Not sure why I picked piano as my name lol. I got out of habit of playing but am making myself most days for a little bit and slowly building calluses back up.

Thanks Mountain. Therapy went really well, also talked to a couple of friends and really told them how I've been feeling vs. saying 'i'm fine'. It helped. I exercised for an hour today and have had two meals. Sounds small but big accomplishment. Optimistic about rest of day and maybe I can sustain feeling good. I think the exercise is the best thing i have going, I've went to gym almost everyday for 2 weeks and I think is paying dividends now.

just a thought here-i am schitzophrenic, bipolar, anxiety, and am on 8 different meds. if i miss even one of them my whole day is screwed up. i noticed i feel great on 7.5 hydrocodone and acetominiphin. they make me feel normal, and out of pain at least for 3 hours. is anyone else here on hydrocodone and how does it work for you? i need an increase and am worried the doc will think i am a pill popper just for recreation.

Welcome to PC, piano97.