[AngelShocker]

I have bipolar disorder, been in a depressive state for far too long. am no longer on any meds I stopped taking those due to bad reactions also not in therapy anymore but i was looking for another one but that stopped. They kept switching psychiatrists on me i went through 3 in one month because they kept leaving.
It's been months since then,

Holidays hit me hardest along with birthdays I know this and i understand this I come to expect a hard time for me during this few months. But, what I've been feeling and thinking has been going on for a very long time years even. I don't see a point to life. What type of future can my husband and I give a child he has agoraphobia and i have a list of issues. Neither of us seeking help for our problems. But i don't want to pass those on to our future kids. And that's all i've ever thought of doing and being is a mother and knowing that its not for the best just sucks, my mom died at the age of 43 for a different set of medical issues and it seems like i have some of those also.

My anxiety is all over the place where i want to self medicate because thats all i can do right now. I'm scared to actually get help because i don't want them putting me somewhere where i can't spend christmas with my husband but i know i need a new outlook on life. Just not sure how to get one anymore. Lamicatal didn't work for me and i think that was our last one that didn't have a side effect of increased weight gain. But I never got to try anything after it. And that didn't help the depression anyways. I wish i could see myself going somewhere in life.

[LettinG0]

I'm sorry things are so rough for you!

My suggestion is to keep seeking help. Don't give up on finding a good pdoc and t. And there are many, many meds out there that can be tried in different combinations.

Wishing you the best of luck in your treatment journey.

[Nix]

I too have been depressed for a while and I understand where you're coming from when you say it's hard to look toward the future. I've been trying not to make any life-changing or major decisions during this time and attempting to remember the goals and ideals I set for myself before I felt this way and hanging on to those as best I can. I hope things improve for you … after the holidays is usually worse for me, but maybe things will look up for you soon since the holidays are upon us and will soon be over. Good luck!

[AngelShocker]

part of my problem is my goals don't seem like they matter. I don't think it would make much of a difference if i did anything in my life.

[Nammu]

Sometimes you have to make a decision between stability and a bit of weight gain....and just because a medication is listed as having weight gain as a side effect doesn't mean you will always gain weight.

[AngelShocker]

yea, just scary as i already have a weight problem. Food is my drug. It's bad but that's what it is.

[Nammu]

Sometimes being happier leads to less stress eating.

[AngelShocker]

just frozen in fear, I know in the long run if it works it'll be better. but if it doesn't what happens. I need to find a psychiatrist and therapist near me i know this, just scared to go through the process agian. I hate telling my story, I've never been 100% honest with them and i know it is just hurting me but just frozen in my fear. I think i'll try the place i went to a month ago i just have to show up and hope i don't get turned away agian or this time talk to their crisis therapist. I think it may be me in a crisis.. I hate feeling so afraid of doing anything.