[earthangel1]

There is a social stigma about prostitution and I don't think it's totally fair. My pdoc won't let me work for 3 weeks and I have things to pay, like getting my car fixed, paying rent, and paying my heating bill. I am a male escort currently, and honestly, it's not that bad. My clients have been nothing but kind to me. They pay what they are supposed to pay, they often tip, and I end up earning money that I desperately need. I ran out of food yesterday. One of my clients sent me a check to pay for groceries, even though I had done nothing for him in over a week. I like what I do and want to keep doing it since I can't get on disability.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Why do you think you can't get on disability?

I'm confused. Just a couple of weeks back you said you were starting a job as a chaplain in a prison.

I just read your previous posts and you seem a little unstable emotionally. Are you sure your diagnosis is correct?

Have you tried seeing a therapist?

[earthangel1]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I just read your previous posts and you seem a little unstable emotionally. Are you sure your diagnosis is correct?

Have you tried seeing a therapist?

What do mean my diagnosis is correct? And yea I'm unstable but I also need money. I have no money and I am NOT going homeless.

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I'm confused. Just a couple of weeks back you said you were starting a job as a chaplain in a prison.

yeah that is confusing.

[Trippin2.0]

Why exactly can't you have sex for three weeks?


What's your pdoc's reasoning, because I am super confused right now.

[B2008]

My aunt has been a prostitute/dancer for 30 years. Working in Nevada mustang ranch and others, the streets, from her home etc. she also has an array of mental illnesses. Really if she could have saved her money she would have a large lump to retire on. Sadly the only thing she's left with is more mental instability. Guilt and shame. She's never had a stable relationship with family, friends or men. I do believe there are some that can manage this type of work but when you mix it with mental illness it's a time bomb. What started as a means of survival for her has torn her apart in the end. Good luck I hope you can manage it correctly.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Agreed. Your post history is pretty confusing. Your story doesn't follow a straight line or even the same jagged line that goes with bipolar. The job thing alone is confusing; there was the jail ministry and not long before that there was a factory job. I understand the pdoc saying time off now but what happened with those other 2 jobs?

There are options to being homeless that don't involve being an escort. When you were in Arizona I sent you a bunch of them and there will be others where you are now (or you could contact the AZ people and they'd help you find something local). Job and Family services exists to help. There are programs to help people who are low income get heat turned back on and to help with heat payments. If you apply for SSI you can get the maximum food stamp amount while you wait (here it was $200/month), medicaid, you are eligible for heat assistance and either a cell phone with a certain number of minutes or a landline with assistance. Etc.

I'm not going to go through the reasons NOT to do that because you know them. I think it is what you want to do and you want us to say it is ok. You are not going to get that from me at least; I think it is dangerous and degrading and a good way to get hurt in a lot of ways.

I asked why you can't get disability. You are eligible for SSI even if you've not worked. And if you need help geting through the process there are tons of lawyers out there who help people through it every day.

But we can't help much if we don't have a story we can follow or when you aren't taking advantage of the resources we are suggesting.

Originally Posted by Permacultural

yeah that is confusing.

I agree that sex workers are unfairly stigmatized. But that's beside the point.
Frankly, it's dangerous. Not only with STD's et cetera but it takes just one wrong client to brutalize you. And that will do nothing, absolutely NOTHING for your mental stability and could cause irreparable harm and trauma.
Besides the money, why does this appeal to you? Do you feel like you can't do anything else?
My heart goes out to you. But please, stop fooling yourself. You are playing with fire.

[earthangel1]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Why exactly can't you have sex for three weeks?


What's your pdoc's reasoning, because I am super confused right now.

It's not no sex, it's no work.

[earthangel1]

I did it when I was 17 and then again when I was 19, so I'm used to it when I run into problems with money. I was kicked out of my home at 17 and there were plenty of men willing to pay money. I just have this good Ben/bad Ben thing going on where I want to be good and upright and loving , and then bad Ben wants to be horrible. Like my driving changes even suddenly when I switch. Right now I am being good Ben, and I'm not contacting clients, but bad Ben will be back. It's only a matter of time. And I know I sound ****ing crazy but this is how I am. I also don't remember my times doing prostitution, and when I was 16 I was diagnosed with DID, but I think I am just ****ing crazy.

[Imah]

Originally Posted by bpenniman

I did it when I was 17 and then again when I was 19, so I'm used to it when I run into problems with money. I was kicked out of my home at 17 and there were plenty of men willing to pay money. I just have this good Ben/bad Ben thing going on where I want to be good and upright and loving , and then bad Ben wants to be horrible. Like my driving changes even suddenly when I switch. Right now I am being good Ben, and I'm not contacting clients, but bad Ben will be back. It's only a matter of time. And I know I sound ****ing crazy but this is how I am. I also don't remember my times doing prostitution, and when I was 16 I was diagnosed with DID, but I think I am just ****ing crazy.

You don't sound ****ing crazy, you sound ****ing honest, which we need in here. Putting bright spins on things, and making everything gentle with icing isn't real. I liked this post. Hey, good luck with getting the bad Ben and good Ben to become friends, and meet in the middle. (Signed Bad Imah who thinks everyone faking nice this Holiday should put on some honesty and tell judgmental people to go eff themselves - But good Annie is in charge right now so she only let Bad Imah say this much, and edited it to pieces.)

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Ok, I'm going to sound like a stalker, but I am very confused by you. You are posting asking for help but your posts don't line up in my memory so thinking it was my memory I read your past posts. In recent posts you've named 2 jobs you were taking and then never mentioned again, you were supposed to go IP this week, you were kicked out by your pdoc but managed to find one extremely quickly to replace him, you were stuck in Arizona with nothing and then back in Wisconsin with the parents that you said weren't going to help you. You've been extremely manic and now the escort thing. all of that can happen, I'm not saying it didn't, I'm saying it is a lot and your story is hard to follow because it feels like there are gaps.

On the other hand If you were diagnosed with DID at 16 why were you posting on that board that you wondered if you had DID at some point since joining PC in Nov. 2014 (therefore way past being 16)? If you do have DID with bipolar then I don't know enough to help you, but you are posting on the bipolar board and the only other time you've posted about DID was on the DID board with a "Could I have this?". So again, confused and not sure how to help here. Many more of your posts are inconsistent and that makes it hard to help or to know what to say. That's why I read them all, trying to find the narrative because I do think you are a young man who is struggling and I'd like to help if I can but with these inconsistencies I don't know what to say that is accurate and helpful for your real situation.

I don't think you sound crazy. I think you sound like you have some desire to do this and you want some mental health reason to justify it. A mental health board is not a place to talk about being "crazy" with or without cursing; crazy isn't the problem with anyone on this board. We have a disorder. It does not MAKE us do anything. It makes it hard for us to make good decisions sometimes and makes us impulsive etc but it does not MAKE us to one single thing except cycle from manic to depressed. What we do is choices. Bipolar might lead to bad choices but I don't buy that you don't have control of your decision to be an escort. If that is something you want to do then that's your decision. But don't try to justify a decision you know is not socially completely acceptable with "I'm just crazy" because that is not a reason.

Also, in the OP you were saying you were actively doing the escort thing but now you are saying you aren't?

I want to post something helpful but you are confusing me because I can't make your stories come out straight.

Also, I am used to peeling the skin off my fingers when I am anxious or manic. That doesn't mean it is a good idea or that there are no other options because I've done it in the past (this is an admittedly lame example but I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm mid-mixed episode and that's the best I can do).

I'm not going to say more on this post but I will re-iterate: If you really want out of your current situation, apply for SSI with a lawyer (they get paid only when you are approved out of your back pay so no costs to worry about). Go to the job and family services website or office and apply for benefits; you should get food stamps and medicaid. Contact your electric or gas company about heat assistance; here it is called HEAP I think and you can also find out about this online. You have no income. You will qualify. Job and family services may have other things you can apply for. Try to use those options. Find a therapist through community mental health. They may also give you a caseworker to help you through the financial/living situation issues. But take advantage of what is out there for situations just like yours. There is help available. Lots of it. As I said, the places I sent you in AZ may well be able to help you find support/assistance in WI; those places tend to network which is exactly why my friend came up with multiple options for you in about 2 minutes.

Escort if you wish. But do it because it is your decision and don't try to say it is because of your mental health. Accept that it's a choice. If you were manic and did it once impulsively, THAT would be bipolar. Repeatedly and asking clients for financial assistance, that is a choice. Just choose to live with your choices. You are the only one who makes choices for you.

[Imah]

I graduated in Wis in the 80's. Moved to AZ, moved back to Wis, then to MN, then to WI, then to AZ, then to WI. That was in under 4 years. I had over 11 jobs in that time. I stayed in WI for about 4 years, then moved AZ then to NV then to WI then to CA then to WA then to AZ then to FL then to MN, where I am currently. **** happens. It's okay if everything doesn't seem chronological. Do try to get help, so your life isn't a reflection of your illness, like mine has been.

[jacky8807]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the word "crazy" I use it all the time
Stigma only has as much power as you give it. We are all responsible for ourselves and getting offended is a choice
I wouldn't say this guy's post sticks out to me more than many other posts here of people never sounding better so I don't judge