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#1
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Hi,
I was wondering what your experiences are concerning your manic episodes and low self esteem. I know there is typically an elevation of mood and self esteem with mania; however what if your hurts go so deep that self sabatoging behaviors and attitudes still come out..even in mania. Does this make sense to anyone? I used to binge drink..sometimes to the point I could have killed myself. I used to cut and say bad things about myself..I'd hate myself when I looked in the mirror and this was even in times of mania where I generally felt more happy, restless and irritable..
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![]() ~ how faint is the heartbeat that constantly craves..never satisfied..hungry..racing thoughts..waiting for the storm after the calm~ ME Diagnosis: BPD 2 with mixed states, Cyclothymia, GAD, Trichotillomania and Skin picking disorder, some OCD tendencies Meds: Abilify 30mg ,Lithium 600 per day, gabapentin 600mg, Zoloft 100 mg, remeron 7.5mg |
#2
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[triggers in post] Some, maybe most people with BP may get happy or euphoric with mania but I suffer from dysphoric mania which is the total opposite. It hurts so bad sometime that I rather be dead. I suffer from low self esteem and eating disorders too but I've never associated it with my mania because whether stable or manic, I always have low self esteem. During my dysphoric mania I do hate myself as well as everyone I come in contact with. Maybe when I was younger and self harmed I got like you're explaining. I also suffered from alcoholism so yes I did absolutely hate myself and had no care about what happened to myself. I actually haven't been that bad since my drinking days but I get it!
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![]() nataliepatricia6183
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![]() nataliepatricia6183
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#3
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'For me in mania my self esteem sky rockets
If you are having dysphoric mania which I have read is basically mixed then you would be having all those dark feelings with energy which really really bites Have you talked to your pdoc about it?
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
#4
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Quote:
Yes I started trileptal, a stabilizer a few months ago and it stopped my dysphoria in its tracks! Hopefully I'm on track for my longest term of stability yet. One can only hope. Fingers crossed! |
![]() jacky8807
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![]() jacky8807
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#5
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My self-esteem is much higher when I'm "up", however, as you said some hurts are so deep that even that high cannot overcome this. It comes about when I see a beautiful girl, I still cannot approach her, I mean I can and I might but I won't dare to ask her out, it's so rooted deep inside that even hypomania can't overcome this.
Other than that, I feel smarter and sharper than most people around me ![]() ![]() ![]()
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Bipolar II ENFP - |
#6
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I've had what you're talking about before.
My support group calls it Black Mania.
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![]() Day Vraylar 3 mg. Wellbutrin 150 Night meds Temazepam 30 mg or lorazepam Hasn't helped yet. From sunny California! |
#7
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Quote:
![]() I have this huge confidence about myself and how I think I outperform almost anyone in anything but in love, I underperfrom terribly and it ashames me... ^^' I believe what blocks me is that I try to always guess what others think but since I can't, I freeze. And I read about that, a lot so in theory, I know what to do to NOT block but in practise, I freeze, all the time. It's annoying. ![]() |
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