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Old Jan 10, 2016, 09:22 PM
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nataliepatricia6183 nataliepatricia6183 is offline
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Hi,
I was wondering what your experiences are concerning your manic episodes and low self esteem. I know there is typically an elevation of mood and self esteem with mania; however what if your hurts go so deep that self sabatoging behaviors and attitudes still come out..even in mania. Does this make sense to anyone?
I used to binge drink..sometimes to the point I could have killed myself. I used to cut and say bad things about myself..I'd hate myself when I looked in the mirror and this was even in times of mania where I generally felt more happy, restless and irritable..
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Diagnosis: BPD 2 with mixed states, Cyclothymia, GAD, Trichotillomania and Skin picking disorder, some OCD tendencies


Meds: Abilify 30mg ,Lithium 600 per day, gabapentin 600mg, Zoloft 100 mg, remeron 7.5mg

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  #2  
Old Jan 10, 2016, 09:42 PM
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ComfortablyNumb5 ComfortablyNumb5 is offline
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[triggers in post] Some, maybe most people with BP may get happy or euphoric with mania but I suffer from dysphoric mania which is the total opposite. It hurts so bad sometime that I rather be dead. I suffer from low self esteem and eating disorders too but I've never associated it with my mania because whether stable or manic, I always have low self esteem. During my dysphoric mania I do hate myself as well as everyone I come in contact with. Maybe when I was younger and self harmed I got like you're explaining. I also suffered from alcoholism so yes I did absolutely hate myself and had no care about what happened to myself. I actually haven't been that bad since my drinking days but I get it!
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  #3  
Old Jan 10, 2016, 09:56 PM
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jacky8807 jacky8807 is offline
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'For me in mania my self esteem sky rockets
If you are having dysphoric mania which I have read is basically mixed then you would be having all those dark feelings with energy which really really bites
Have you talked to your pdoc about it?
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I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning, I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
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  #4  
Old Jan 10, 2016, 10:03 PM
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ComfortablyNumb5 ComfortablyNumb5 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jacky8807 View Post
'For me in mania my self esteem sky rockets

If you are having dysphoric mania which I have read is basically mixed then you would be having all those dark feelings with energy which really really bites

Have you talked to your pdoc about it?

Yes I started trileptal, a stabilizer a few months ago and it stopped my dysphoria in its tracks! Hopefully I'm on track for my longest term of stability yet. One can only hope. Fingers crossed!
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  #5  
Old Jan 11, 2016, 12:04 AM
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bbTofu bbTofu is offline
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My self-esteem is much higher when I'm "up", however, as you said some hurts are so deep that even that high cannot overcome this. It comes about when I see a beautiful girl, I still cannot approach her, I mean I can and I might but I won't dare to ask her out, it's so rooted deep inside that even hypomania can't overcome this.

Other than that, I feel smarter and sharper than most people around me
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  #6  
Old Jan 11, 2016, 10:21 AM
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Ocean Swimmer Ocean Swimmer is offline
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I've had what you're talking about before.
My support group calls it Black Mania.
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Day Vraylar 3 mg. Wellbutrin 150
Night meds Temazepam 30 mg or lorazepam
Hasn't helped yet.
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  #7  
Old Jan 11, 2016, 02:50 PM
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Lazarus16 Lazarus16 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbTofu View Post
My self-esteem is much higher when I'm "up", however, as you said some hurts are so deep that even that high cannot overcome this. It comes about when I see a beautiful girl, I still cannot approach her, I mean I can and I might but I won't dare to ask her out, it's so rooted deep inside that even hypomania can't overcome this.

Other than that, I feel smarter and sharper than most people around me
Oh my god, I so recorgnize myself in your words bbTofu!!

I have this huge confidence about myself and how I think I outperform almost anyone in anything but in love, I underperfrom terribly and it ashames me... ^^' I believe what blocks me is that I try to always guess what others think but since I can't, I freeze. And I read about that, a lot so in theory, I know what to do to NOT block but in practise, I freeze, all the time. It's annoying.
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