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#1
Jan 11, 2016, 04:26 PM
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I had to have records faxed to my pdoc about my recent hospital stay and got a copy myself so I could read what she's going to be reading.
Lol. I don't know why I do this to myself! If I was disturbed before, I'm really disturbed now. I think it would be okay, except that I read a summary of my ER visit. And I feel like they also get my diagnosis wrong! Like last year, they wrote down that I was in a mixed/moderate episode, and this year it was mixed/severe. Why was this year severe and not last year?! Last year was when I thought I was severe. Maybe this year was severe because I overdosed and last year I really didn't (I mean, I did take a lot of clonazepam, but I didn't want to kill myself, or wasn't trying to anyway. It's complicated).
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
 Anonymous37780
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#2
Jan 11, 2016, 04:33 PM
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raspberry torte, it is what it is, history. You cannot undo it, it is done. Now you have the report and it states your mental state of mind at that time. But you are not like that now, you are better. So you move forward from this experience and find a better way to balance your medicines and to communicate with your pcp and T when necessary. I do hope that everything does start working out better for you in this new year... (((hugs))) blessings
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| raspberrytorte
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 raspberrytorte
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#3
Jan 11, 2016, 04:37 PM
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Omegalamd has some good advice. I've had to let go of the hospital notes, jail house notes, etc. It's over and done with. I can't change it. I can only keep on trucking and finding the right med combination. You aren't alone. At least I didn't get to see the tape of the last incident!
__________________
Hashi/Bipolar Mom 300mg Lamictal 1800mg Gabapentin 10mg Memantine (weaning off) .6mg Clonidine (for sleep and anxiety) 40mg Propanol (for sleep) 3 mg Xanax 10mg Saphris |
| raspberrytorte
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| raspberrytorte
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#4
Jan 11, 2016, 05:11 PM
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My favorite was when my paper work said admit dx: moderate mania
Discharge dx: severe mania Haha like hellooo wouldn't they know to legally protect themselves? I did end up in another hospital two days later So like the others say its records of a moment, an episode, a snapshot in time It does not define you 
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| raspberrytorte
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| raspberrytorte
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#5
Jan 11, 2016, 05:12 PM
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Like the person I was on that hospital sheet is not who I am right now
That was just the bipolar monster coming out to play
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#6
Jan 11, 2016, 05:12 PM
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Both of you, thanks.
I also don't know why clonazepam never shows up in my system. You'd think 130mg of it would!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#7
Jan 11, 2016, 06:03 PM
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Take your records as history. You've moved on
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#8
Jan 11, 2016, 06:28 PM
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I didn't know I also had BPD until my lawyer got my records for my SSD case! I was PISSSSSED. Some of the stuff they wrote about me was quite disturbing. Like finding out that a group of highschool girls are talking behind my back. That's how I felt. You asked why this year was severe and not last year. Dx's can change over night depending on your mental state. Plenty of days I've woken up and could tell I was in a mixed episode when I went to bed fine. It's the nature of the disease. There's no promises on how you will feel the next day when you're not stable. Before I started trileptal I was having mood swings so bad it was like flipping a light switch. Yea it's not fun. Don't worry about what they wrote about you then. What's important is how you're feeling now.
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| raspberrytorte
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| raspberrytorte
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#9
Jan 11, 2016, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
I do agree with the other part of my diagnosis, so at least I have that going for me! And I guess I can see how it would appear I was in a mixed episode. I spent some time crying, then I spent some time very angry and didn't know what to do because I had a roommate (if I didn't have a roommate I would have spent my time crumpling up pieces of paper and throwing it all around my room, like I did last time I was inpatient) and I ended up self harming, which is something I never do, and then I was seemingly okay and talking the pdoc to death, and I had a inflated sense of self esteem and made friends with everyone, which is also something I don't do because I'm normally very shy. It just wasn't the same as last time I was mixed.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Hashi/bipolar mom
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#10
Jan 13, 2016, 12:56 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#11
Jan 13, 2016, 02:13 PM
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Quote:
I know from the outside it looks and sounds like a suicide attempt, but that wasn't the goal...it's complicated.. |
| jacky8807
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#12
Jan 13, 2016, 02:19 PM
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I have Kaiser and dislike that my BD2 diagnosis is on everything. Not too long ago I was there for something non psych related, very cute nurse was TOTALLY flirting with me. Pulls up my chart and it was like crickets and all kinds of akwardness immediately. Not that I really thought I was going to hookup with her or anything... just kinda felt good, lifted my spirits (was having a hard time then) and then I just felt ashamed.
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I'm my own worst enemy. |
| jacky8807, raspberrytorte
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#13
Jan 13, 2016, 02:22 PM
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I hate that one of my medical records I have access to view online has history is self injury on it so every dr that opens outnin that healthcare group sees it
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| jacky8807
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#14
Jan 13, 2016, 02:25 PM
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I hate going to my regular doctor because everyone there knows I'm a schizo. It was bad enough when my diagnosis was just bipolar! Now I feel like everyone is scared of me and I've never done anything wrong! Physical this year should be fun. Just kidding!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#15
Jan 13, 2016, 06:57 PM
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I met a guy inpatient both manic but he had schizoaffective/bipolar type
When I met up with him on the outside he would be fine but then randomly start talking about how the FBI bugged his house. Or the conversation would be normal but then he would shift to "disorganized" speech and making no sense to the topic at hand. Jokes would be twisted in his mind as threats I felt really bad for him
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#16
Jan 13, 2016, 07:05 PM
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I mean it's one thing in an episode (where I also thought FBI was bugging me lol)
But he was like that all the time. Must be so hard .hope you doing alright 
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#17
Jan 13, 2016, 08:40 PM
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Thanks jacky.
If I wasn't on haldol right now, I think I'd be psychotic (again. Jeez.) because the whole OD thing was really stressful, and I'm stressed right now about it, and when I get stressed out it starts a whole new episode. Anyway, I keep things to myself. When things start to turn into "secrets", my husband knows I'm having delusions, even if I don't realize it (obviously!).
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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