ECT appt

I just made an appointment for ECT evaluation on Friday. Now I have to decide if it's really worth doing again. It will work, I know that. But it doesn't seem to work for very long. I might have to do maintenance treatments, which is like really? For how long? Until I die? I can't even comprehend that. Why can't I have a normal brain?

I'm so down about this. I just feel like a complete loser. I feel like I must have done something wrong. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I missed something.



I really don't want to do ECT again. I really don't. I don't even know how I could. No one can take me. My mom said we will figure it out but I just can't imagine.

I need to talk to my nurse. She's not in today.

Sigh...I don't want to do this.

There's a lot that has happened between the last time you had ECT and now. If you weren't in the middle of grieving and making huge adjustments in your life this depression might never have happened and you would have never even known it could happen.

Trust your mom to help you. She seems to have a good understanding of everything and you need someone to help you. You can't force yourself to do everything all by yourself. It's too big of a burden.

I'm glad you made the appointment. It's ok if you talk to them and decide to do it now or decide to wait a little bit. You can ask if Emsam is a possibility to start after the treatments; I know my psychiatrist just put someone on it that way.

I'm glad you are getting the help you need. I know it's hard.

((((wildflowerchild)))))

I feel like since I know this will work it's the best bet I have. And maybe start emsam after the treatments. It just sucks because I know the memory problems that come with it. And cognitive functioning becomes impaired for awhile. Concentration issues and such.

I have a feeling the ECT doc will want me inpatient. Just because I'm barely functioning right now. And I'm seriously suicidal. But I know myself; as long as I don't drink I won't impulsively do anything. I keep thinking of the consequences thankfully. So hopefully I can convince her to let me do it outpatient. I'll stay in my PHP while I'm doing it. That way I have somewhere to go on days I don't do treatment.

I feel like this is probably the best option. It just sucks.

You said a giant mouthful when you were talking about drinking.
If you could avoid ECT by joining AA or something to keep you sober would you do it?
I understand. I feel better if I drink a little. But somewhere deep inside me I know I'll be happier and healthier if I do not drink.
Plus it's not ever a good idea to mix drugs with alcohol.
I had extensive ECT last year. I'm now a vegetable in comparison to the lively loving person I was. I lost huge blocks of memories.
I'm sorry, but I don't want any more ECT. My blood pressure is high for the first time in my life. ( as side effect of ECT. )
My pdoc and husband want me on a ECT "maintenance program". Like you said, what? Forever? My insurance would run out I'm guessing. Anyway, at what brain fry cost to me ?
The ECT never gave me the opportunity to be med free either.
I still feel I'm not over the last treatment I had in Sept 2015. Yesterday a friend was telling me a story I had Zero Memory of hearing. He said, "we used to talk about this all of the time!".
Do it if you are convinced to do it is my advice. Otherwise continue to try other things.
Change what you eat. Where you live. Your activities and hobbies

I actually don't drink very often, maybe twice a month. And then it's not usually a lot. I just know right now drinking of any sort would be detrimental because it would lower my impulse control, so I'm going to avoid it.

I agree with the cognitive functioning piece. I'm definitely not as creative as I used to be, nor can I concentrate as well on things. It's just that medication doesn't seem to help. I just...I know it will work. I don't know if emsam will. And what if I waste a month trying emsam to find out it doesn't do anything? I'm not safe right now. I really should be inpatient but I'm trying not to cause my son any more psychological damage.

I don't know. I'm talking to my therapist today. Maybe I'll try to see the pnurse too.

When you're not safe tell someone and go ip.
Then see if they'll put you on the new drug. It may not take a month to see if it works.
It will be better for your son.

Well I talked to my pnurse and she said she has to find out more about emsam. I have to be off Brintellix for 14 days before I can start it. But I haven't taken it since last Friday so that's not a problem.

I'm still gonna go to the appointment tomorrow. Just to talk to them. I don't think I can try emsam and do ECT because of the anesthesia.

I'll find out more tomorrow.

You have been going through a lot and I really feel for you. I just hope you find relief soon

Emsam can safely be done with ECT. They do it here frequently and there is published research about it. They have to avoid some meds but they aren't commonly used with ECT anyway.

Emsam is really a 2 month committment to know how you feel probably. It took a bit for it to not agitate me and to let me know how it really worked and they don't like to increase the dose very quickly. I kind of cheated. I was started on it in the hospital and my pdoc was out for surgery and my family dr wound up doing my first month's care for confusing reasons involving a bad social worker who didn't care. Anyway I asked him to increase it faster and he did. Which probably enhanced my agitation (which was also up from coming off imipramine).

But yeah, you'd need to be done with ECT before starting it is my understanding.

good luck with the ECT

i still don't know. The doctor today told me I could think about starting another course and just call for an appointment if I decide to do it. She asked me what was stopping me and I mentioned memory loss but honestly it's also because it makes me feel like a huge loser and failure to have to do it again. I didn't tell her that. I felt better last night and today - still depressed but no Intrusive suicidal thoughts. No making plans or feeling like I HAVE to do it. So that's much better than the last week or so. Makes me feel like maybe I'm coming out of this episode and I want to give it a few days to see if I continue to improve or not.

Good news is the doc said I can do the course outpatient and won't need to go inpatient unless I get worse. I'm glad she didn't see me on Wednesday because I definitely would have had to go. I really should have gone inpatient Tuesday but I stuck it out and survived without hurting myself, except for taking a few extra Benadryl, which only served to give me akathesia and make me feel drunk.

So I'll decide by the end of next week what I want to do. I'll hopefully be able to talk to my nurse on Monday and see if she found anything out. She also suggested ketamine infusions, which I've heard about but haven't researched too much. The only clinic In the area that does them makes you pay out of pocket and submit to your insurance company for reimbursement so that's out anyway.