Oh crap

I'm signed in on the hospital computer because I need to tell you guys how scared I am.

i saw a resident today who said he would cut my Seroquel conservatively and let my real doctor do the big cuts tomorrow. Then he (I think) divided my dose to AM/PM. I can't take it in the morning or I will sleep all day, esp. I cannot take 450 mg in the morning which is what i think he ordered. So now I have less than i need to sleep tonight (except I'm EXHAUSTED so hopefully will fall asleep) and am essentially being cut to 1/3rd of my dose in one day. I know the plan was aggressive; I do not think it was THIS aggressive. MY AD is also cut because i''ve been cutting my patches and apparently they can't do that, which I expected.

Why would anyone think someone could take 450 mg of Seroquel in the MORNING?? They did this last time too. If nothing else they know I've always taken it all at night so logically dividing it would be not beneficial.

I'm a little scared........i also have a migraine which makes me anxious and I have to wait for an order for ibuproferon.

Going be fun tomorrow........the nurse is telling me this is probably all the plan. I'm going to ask her to check about the AM dose and maybe she'll question it for me but I got the impression not so likely. Oh well...I came to do this fast. This is fast. But from what the resident said to me this isn't the way he was thinking.

I at least am here and that is very, very good. I was up nearly all night so hopefully I'll sleep. i was very brave and asked for a bed away from the door when assigned one at the door (no curtain so all night it gets flooded with light and wakes me).

I've watched more tv out of boredom than I usually do in a month.

Miss you all!

Well at least you're in a place where you can be monitored while they do these aggressive cuts. And maybe what you need right now is to sleep for awhile, maybe sleep through the withdrawal. I don't know what your unit is like. The one I usually go to is liberal about sleeping; you're not required to attend groups and you can sleep all day if you want. Of course it's marked in your chart and it will be harder to get discharged that way. But the one unit I was on years ago required group attendance. I would sleep all day and eventually get put on "lockout protocol" wherein my room would be locked and I would only be allowed in to use the bathroom and at night. It got so bad that the last time I was there they took one look at my name and put me on lockout immediately! I showed them though, I just slept on the couch in the back room instead lol...

I'm so glad you're actually there though. I'm happy to hear from you. I will miss you very much around here.

I too think sleeping as much as possible will be good. Now's the time to heal!!
Unless you are worried about not sleeping at night then tell them that

How did it go? Does IP not allow sleep masks? Man, I have to have my room pitch dark and I wear earplugs!

Good luck and peace of mind for you as you make these changes. All my love!

They really did divide the meds. The psychiatrist actually laughed at the resident for doing that. So I have dropped a lot of Seroquel fast. I'm tolerating it fine though so he's adjusting the dose a little higher tonight to make the pills make sense and I'm starting a little clozaril tonight. And some Ambien. It will only work a few days but he seems to be thinking we're going to do this really fast. It depends on my response.

For now just having trouble with migraines. I stupidly thought I hadn't reacted to a food in a long time and ate something the other day that is a trigger. So now I'm fighting with that. But it's better now than it was.

Gonna go take a nap if I'm lucky. Meaning lay on my bed and stare or try to read. I'll be nice and relaxed for relaxation group.

Wildflowerchild, I got a smile from your sleeping on the dayroom couches. We're allowed to sleep I think but they really encourage group particpation on this unit. I'm sensitive about it because my first admission this nurse who I am SO GLAD isn't here any longer b/c she was MEAN gave me my Seroquel at 7:00 when I asked for a PRN. Back then Seroquel put me to sleep and I had been taught that I was to take it and get ready for bed immediately so I maximized the sedation. So I did that. 8 pM group came along and she forced me to wake up, come to group, and then tried to force me to explain why I was crying. Then she pursued me to my room and insisted on knowing why I was crying and lectured me on participation. The next day I told the dr who said "well, you are supposed to go to group". I pointed out that if I am taught to take Seroquel and go to bed and am given it at 7 and not told I can't go to bed at that time then I'm not being given a choice. He agreed, the nurse got in trouble, and then she wasn't just mean, she had a grudge. Which she held through the next 2 admissions. So I have trouble "not behaving" even when I know it's ok and that there is no longer a late group.

Anyway, I'll probably sign on later. I'm trying to not use too much time on here so I'm not checking a lot of posts but I need you guys so I'm still signing in when I'm alone. Not many people here right now and most people don't stay in the dayroom a lot which is very unusual but gives me privacy to get on here without anyone knowing what I'm doing. If I disappear we've gotten someone who tries to read over my shoulder . (It happened before).

No sleep masks. You could hurt yourself with the elastic. I have ear plugs but this group of people is silent so haven't needed them. One time I was hear I lived with the things so that is a nice thing.

Hospitalization is a weird thing. It's totally different than anything else in the world and yet it rapidly feels routine. Or maybe that's because this is my 5th time and I know everyone and how things work. Like I know I'll be getting an EKG this afternoon and I knew I'd be wakened at 6 for a blood draw. I did not know that the woman would choose to do this by walking into my room and turning on the light which was not appreciated by the migraine. It was so sweet of her. But at least this time she improved on my last encounter with her. This time she had a student who didn't actually bandage me so I had to deal with bleeding but this woman a couple years ago drew blood and put the bandage on the wrong vein. I started yelping that blood was pouring down my arm and she started blotting my pants while I was like "um, stop the bleeding please?". There are always conversations among strangers that you wouldn't ever encounter anywhere else; people bond fast. This time that's going to happen less since the people I more naturally am drawn to and who are my age are all leaving and it will be one other woman and 2 very young men and me. Until more people are admitted of course.

The dr. told me today that my pdoc has been "really worried about me. She keeps emailing me". He didn't sound thrilled about this. So now we know it wasn't her and I don't care if he felt annoyed about it all.

hmm i remember when i had to take 200mg seroquel in the morning but that was when i was manic so it didnt really effect me that much and since i was going through depression i just have to take 800mg at night. but now that i am going up again..well. lol.

Glad they are figuring it out
As far as "not behaving" wow you are a good patient to have. I was usually in for mania so I drove them crazy haha. But remember thy are not your parents and you are not a child. Iim naturally an anarchist lol but the word behaving for them .......don't even worry about that. You are there for you

I didn't really mean to use the word behaving but that's another sensitive spot and I tend to use it when aggravated about a part of a stay. I once was here and was due to go home in a couple days when I wrote down that I was planning to kill myself and gave it to the nurse. She put me on line of sight supervision and when I asked how long she told me until I could "behave". Which became my ironic word for all that is wrong in psychiatry. She was one of my favorite nurses until then; I think that evil nurse from above told her that I was doing it for attention but whatever the reason it was an unfortunate word choice. You're right and they all know that I'm likely to be a little "different" in the next few days. So I'll get more "enjoyable". I've been in here pacing and pacing and it's a small space which tends to get some attention. I've also been begging for things to do with akathesia/mania and so agitated. Thus far the agitation hasn't been bad this time. I'm just kind of bored. And a movie called Happy made me cry. And now it is weekend, the most boring thing of all (although I'm continuing to have med changes so we'll see how boring it stays).

Weekends inpatient is THE WORST lol

I am always the resident "pacer" too haha
So glad you are there getting this done
I am so genuinely happy for you.

Hang in there.

See, I get thrifty. I would cut off the elastic and ask for some bandage tape to attach the ends to my skin! LOL. I'm glad it sounds like things are going ok. I'm glad your pdoc has been concerned!

I'm glad you're finally inpatient. I hope the switch goes well.