[bananakone]

Hi everyone,

I've lost my way and am a mess... I don't know what to do. To give you a little background about myself:

I came out of a very bad 7 year relationship that left me devastated and hurt to this day. My fiancee was travelling a lot and was very focused on her work. I became very depressed and had to start life over again after that breakup. During that depression, I was also "told" that I was bipolar. I had to take lithium, but stopped taking it shortly after because I felt like a zombie.

My whole life I've known (and still don't know what it is) something's wrong with me. I feel apathetic towards everything and have zero interests. I don't struggle to wake up every morning or sob uncontrollably. But I show very little emotion towards anything and feel very empty inside. I have no goals or ambitions any more. The things I used to enjoy no longer matter to me. I find ways to kill time or take up new hobbies. I've tried every hobby I can imagine and nothing sticks with me. I generally don't care about anything.

It's been like this for about 6 years now. I have a lot of trouble mustering up energy to do anything. Sometimes I'm very up and sometimes I'm very down. I think I do experience hypomania.

I'm writing here today because I feel so empty inside. I don't have a single friend in the world I can call and the only 2 people I talk to in the world are my parents. After my fiancee and I broke up, I had to move back home after selling our condo. It left me devastated. She was my world, my heart, my soul. I cherished and adored every little bit of her, but even after 7 years, I knew we came from different worlds and we could never be. Every day since then I've thought about her and cried endlessly when I think about her. Actually there are some days where she doesn't come into my mind and those days are ok.

I want to have interests again. I want to be able to leave the house without feeling intensely scared. I want friends again. I want to be able to like things again. I want to know how to be normal again.

I can't even find the energy to call a doctor to get help. I feel really helpless and my parents don't make things any better. They don't understand at all because they're ignorant first generation immigrants. What is wrong with me...

[Ocean Swimmer]

Have you ever seen a Psychiatrist that can evaluate you and get you some meds?
I know you say someone told you you're bipolar.
Let's start with the energy and motivation to go to the doctor.
Have you been to college ? Do you work?
Meeting girls will be easy once you learn to live yourself.

[Ocean Swimmer]

That's love yourself.

[Keegan2015]

It sounds like you may have major depressive disorder (MDD). if finding a psychiatrist is too difficult, why don't you start by going to a General Practioner and asking for them to prescribe you medication and/or refer you to a psychiatrist?

[gina_re]

Nothing is wrong with you. You are human, and humans experience many different emotions. If these emotions are taking over your life and you are unable to function, that is when you need to seek outside help, whether it be a doctor for medication, or a doctor for therapy and/or both. Either way, I hope you are able to heal which ever direction you eventually (and should) choose. You're among friends now. Please take care.

[TishaBuv]

I think you are getting back on track by reaching out here, too. You are hurting and that is understandable. Keep reaching out.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm sorry about your breakup. 7 years is a lot to put into something and then that gets taken away. I think anyone would be depressed. And who "told" you that you were bipolar? Did you see a legitimate pdoc? I think seeing therapist and maybe some antidepressants would help you. However if you indeed are bipolar, you have to be careful with ADs. I know you have no motivation but you really need to see someone.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

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