[CuriouslyCrazy]

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sorry to be such a downer on a day like today, but I'm not doing well. I’ve been depressed for a little over 2 weeks now after a manic episode. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar since I started seeing my T, but I kept refusing to see a psychiatrist and try medication because I thought I could manage my symptoms. Well, I finally decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to try medication, but the appointment isn’t until March 4 and I pushed to even get that date. And everyday is getting so much harder. Mix the depressed mood with the absolutely no energy and the constant crying spells, and you have a mess. This past week has been horrible.

Possible trigger:

I just want to let go. I don’t want to deal with people. I don’t want to deal with my symptoms. I don’t want to deal with having bipolar. I just can’t. And my mind keeps going in circles about how much better off I would be if I wasn’t here; how much better off everyone else would be. I know it’s probably the depression talking, but I just don’t know how I’m going to get through this. This is the first time that I have thought of a plan, but I don’t think that I would actually go through with it. I’m trying to stay away from any drugs or alcohol to prevent any impulsiveness.

I'm trying anything I can to keep myself together, to keep my head on straight. I’m trying to keep things under control. I’ve felt bad before, but never this bad. I just keep telling myself that I have to make it to the appointment.

Any suggestions or comments about what's helped you when you were depressed are greatly appreciated.

[boogiesmash]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been in the same place only a couple of weeks ago and started to breakthrough. it is a horrible cycle but their is hope when you come out of it. Maybe try calling the tdoc again and explain your situation. He she might recommend a short inpatient stay and start you on Meds

[Ocean Swimmer]

What I do is watch funny videos.
Read books to keep my mind off of the depression.
Play with my cat.
Take pictures and send them in emls.
Go outside in the sun.

[TryingToMoveForward]

If you are having active suicidal ideation and impulses, go to the ER. They might make you a temp inpatient or let you go, depending on their judgement. But it could get you to medication sooner and above all else, it could save your life and keep you safe. And that's very important. Waiting might not be an option for you.

Doing that is scary. I've been through it, because I told my bf I was suicidal and planning and he reported me. I was taken to a clinic for assessment and couldn't stop crying. Everything leading up to that point was traumatic.I mean, they put me in the back of a police car and drove me there. It was horrifying. At least you would be driving yourself. They decided not to make me inpatient, because I was so scared I swore I wouldn't try anything and meant it. Complied with seeing a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me as bipolar. They immediately placed me on meds. Once you get over the shock of it all, it turns out okay. I promise. And it saved my life.