I'm looking back at my relationships and realize that there was one particularly chaotic. This was around the time that my symptoms started flaring up. He struggles with depression as well as Dependent Personality Disorder with Avoidant traits.
I would sleep with other guys and tell him about it. I went out, did drugs, and talked to him under the influence (I knew this made him uncomfortable, worried, and upset). I verbally abused him. I got physically abusive as a result of a delusion I was experiencing. I broke up with him and made amends and ended up in bed with him the next day. His friend hated me and continuously told him to break up with me, but he just couldn't. I kept pushing him and pushing him to find where his line was, but he just wouldn't end it.
His therapist told him that I likely had borderline personality disorder, but he told me he didn't believe her. (I'm never sure if he really believed it or not since plenty of other times I've asked his opinion on something and he just went with what he thought I would think.) I've never been diagnosed with BPD, although I know comorbidity rates are high.

I know some of my behavior is because of sza, but I feel guilty about some of it because a lot of it was when I was asymptomatic. I don't really know why I did it. I'm preparing myself to apologize to him because I feel like I really ****ed him up.

Partially just venting, but also looking to hear from others on the topic.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

yes, but i am not going to write paragraphs explaining how.

only to myself . . .

[scatterbrained04]

I think I can be at times. I certainly don't mean or want to be. Don't want to elaborate.

[Nammu]

I get verbally abusive when I'm in a mixed episode and arrogant when I'm manic. My ranting make people very uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of me although I've never been physically violent my anger can be terrifying...that's what I told.

[BipolaRNurse]

Verbally, yes, but never physically. I did things like punch refrigerators and break glasses when I was pissed but didn't hit my kids or spouse. I just screamed at them, which I now know was emotional abuse and I have apologized to the entire family for it. Thank God they forgave me.

[lacerta]

Yes, mixed episodes are a hell. I'm really ashamed of that.

[moremi]

I have been both. Depending on where I'm at in my cycle. More actually when i was younger before i knew i was,bp1 i would lash out i had no fear of anything, I would speak my mind firmly whatever it was and I had no care as,to whom I hurt. I now feel terrible about that. One time my husband came in drunk and we argued waking my oldest daughter who was,probably 5 at the time and he tried to kick me i didnt know she was behind me snd he got her. Somehow I mustered the strength to throw him into the bedroom that was atleast 5 foot away jump on him snd knock him out. Its,not the only physical altercation I've had. I had a traumatic childhood i grew up in an abusive home its what I knew to do to survive. I dont know if it's part of BP or part of my trauma. The lashing out i believe is the bipolar it comes with the moods. Thankfully I have been stable for about a year and a half or so bc i am a rapid cycler. I got into a new psychiatrist snd he changed my life. I am forever grateful to him. He also put me on all weight neutral meds so I've gone from 195 to 145. Hes amazing.

Crystal Ball

when I was in my early 20s I would hit my partners and throw things in fits of rage. I've also been hit and choked in return. But I have much better control of my emotions now - or at least my actions - and can't even imagine being in those situations/being physically violent anymore, so can I 'blame' it on bipolar? I don't know.

[theenemywithin]

I have been agitated and argumentative, which may have resulted in some name calling.

I just posted on another site, regarding a female whose spouse was verbally and physically abusive to her but not in the social community. Her question was, "Why do the spouses of bipolar take all the abuse?

This was my reply to a question replied to 166 times, since 2008:

I am certain many can relate to this question, however not all spouses with bipolar disorder are abusive. Here it seems the abusive spouse is comfortable with the bond he has with his wife and feels he can be abusive. In social settings, his bond with his friends and co-workers is tenuous, so he is more concerned with displaying appropriate behavior. The individual with bipolar disorder, presented in this question, by report, was not properly medicated and may not have had any counseling. The question should have been "Why do I Take the Abuse from my Husband who has Bipolar Disorder?" This concern must be taken on an individual basis, as each person with bipolar disorder behaves differently in an interpersonal relationship. You also must take into account how medication and counseling can contribute to stability. The bottom line is not all individuals with bipolar disorder are abusive.

When i was married i had a really bad hypomania where i was verbally abusive to my partner. I wasn't profane, just insulting. Problem was, he decided that the things i said were true and it crushed his love for me. Over four years he fell out of love with me. I killed his love for me. It wasn't that the things i said weren't true it was just that they burst his bubble, destroyed the dream he had of me and our love. When we were getting divorced he said i had really hurt him that time. He certainly got me back.

Gotta say, …. Sure sounds like borderline you're describing there, escapeartist… relationship chaos, doing impulsive things that you knew made him uncomfortable, worried and upset, breaking up, then flying right back into it, and most of all….pushing him and pushing him to find where his line was, but he just wouldn't end it.

Having been on the receiving end of BPD intentionally uncomfortable/worry/upset-making words and actions, I've found that they almost invariably coerced me into a given response (which is one of the reasons BPD folks are perceived as manipulative.). Yet I would be told by them that they were only trying to express their desperation (about whatever). It's a maladaptive behavior, and I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say that it falls under the umbrella of "testing", which is very much what you describe in pushing and pushing to find where his line was. And testing is all about the abandonment thing.

Having said that, my real point is that we are kind of discussing a couple different things. There is provoking someone through using intention and button-pushing, and there is "fallout" from episodes. To me, they are not the same. So when you ask if we've ever been abusive as a result of BP, I can't really answer that without making that distinction. I don't do anything that would be abusive with intention of getting anything from it. Or with intention and button-pushing period.

Flipping my **** is not a consistent feature, it's tied up with episodes (especially mixed). Far and away, the most common thing I do in such times is throw things. And scream from the sheer intensity of it all. I generally don't involve other people on a personal basis. And I sure don't do it on purpose. I don't really think that the times when I do lose it on someone, it is so much the BP as it is throwback (when I'm too overwhelmed to use better skills) to what was modeled to me in childhood . BP episodes can make me arrogant, obnoxious, abrupt, and yes, even explosive thanks to agitation. And when agitated, prone to respond to provocation.

But I'm not totally comfortable with calling that abuse. Regardless, I don't want to pawn it off by blaming the BP (as in the thread title "abusive as a result of"). Various states can make it harder to control ourselves, and the BP can help explain things, but we're still responsible for our actions. If I do veer into abuse for whatever reason, or even simply behave badly, I'm usually quick to apologize. It's embarrassing how out of control I can get. But BP doesn't make me abusive.

[Row Jimmy]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I get verbally abusive when I'm in a mixed episode and arrogant when I'm manic. My ranting make people very uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of me although I've never been physically violent my anger can be terrifying...that's what I told.

Ditto but I'm more rapid cycle than mixed.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm not abusive.
But I do get hateful. And I'm ashamed of it.
It's always when the other person disappointed me or doesn't meet up to my standards.
My brother in law for example. Started a conversation about how cheap Costa Rican Prostitutes are,and that my husband should get himself a few.
All of this while I was laying in the hammock right in front of both of them and we were newlyweds. What an *****.

[DisfunctionJunction]

I think a lot of crap gets blamed on MI both by society and ourselves... Truth is (BP, BPD, any MI or No history of MI) really how many ppl in this would can honestly say they have NEVER been abusive to another in some fashion?!

[Ocean Swimmer]

You're right Disfunction.
Nobody is perfect.

[venusss]

No. I get angry and *****y, but never ever ever ever abusive. Because I am a good person and no condition will ever change that.

Bipolar DOES not make you abusive and it is NOT a good excuse for being abusive.

I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm just saying during manic/mixed episodes I have a lot of aggitation, anger, and rage along with zero impulse control. It's bad, which is why I take meds to avoid getting to that point.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Gotta say, …. Sure sounds like borderline you're describing there, escapeartist… relationship chaos, doing impulsive things that you knew made him uncomfortable, worried and upset, breaking up, then flying right back into it, and most of all….pushing him and pushing him to find where his line was, but he just wouldn't end it.

Having been on the receiving end of BPD intentionally uncomfortable/worry/upset-making words and actions, I've found that they almost invariably coerced me into a given response (which is one of the reasons BPD folks are perceived as manipulative.). Yet I would be told by them that they were only trying to express their desperation (about whatever). It's a maladaptive behavior, and I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say that it falls under the umbrella of "testing", which is very much what you describe in pushing and pushing to find where his line was. And testing is all about the abandonment thing.

Having said that, my real point is that we are kind of discussing a couple different things. There is provoking someone through using intention and button-pushing, and there is "fallout" from episodes. To me, they are not the same. So when you ask if we've ever been abusive as a result of BP, I can't really answer that without making that distinction. I don't do anything that would be abusive with intention of getting anything from it. Or with intention and button-pushing period.

Flipping my **** is not a consistent feature, it's tied up with episodes (especially mixed). Far and away, the most common thing I do in such times is throw things. And scream from the sheer intensity of it all. I generally don't involve other people on a personal basis. And I sure don't do it on purpose. I don't really think that the times when I do lose it on someone, it is so much the BP as it is throwback (when I'm too overwhelmed to use better skills) to what was modeled to me in childhood . BP episodes can make me arrogant, obnoxious, abrupt, and yes, even explosive thanks to agitation. And when agitated, prone to respond to provocation.

But I'm not totally comfortable with calling that abuse. Regardless, I don't want to pawn it off by blaming the BP (as in the thread title "abusive as a result of"). Various states can make it harder to control ourselves, and the BP can help explain things, but we're still responsible for our actions. If I do veer into abuse for whatever reason, or even simply behave badly, I'm usually quick to apologize. It's embarrassing how out of control I can get. But BP doesn't make me abusive.

well said!!

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm just saying during manic/mixed episodes I have a lot of aggitation, anger, and rage along with zero impulse control. It's bad, which is why I take meds to avoid getting to that point.

that's kind of different from what you initially described though...

Originally Posted by thepterodactyl

that's kind of different from what you initially described though...

Well I am a terrible person, but that's not related to BP. Some "violent" actions are related to BP though, doesn't mean I'm not responsible.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

I'm not abusive.
But I do get hateful. And I'm ashamed of it.
It's always when the other person disappointed me or doesn't meet up to my standards.
My brother in law for example. Started a conversation about how cheap Costa Rican Prostitutes are,and that my husband should get himself a few.
All of this while I was laying in the hammock right in front of both of them and we were newlyweds. What an *****.

That doesn't sound hateful, in my opinion - that's just good sense. Who in their right mind would EVER say something like that, especially in front of the person's spouse!? That's deliberately hurtful and nasty, and a negative reaction on your part is totally rational. Ugh.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm just saying during manic/mixed episodes I have a lot of aggitation, anger, and rage along with zero impulse control. It's bad, which is why I take meds to avoid getting to that point.

Meds cannot control what is your personality. Sure they can make you apathetic enough and numbed it enough... but when they "stop working" (funny thing, how these things like to "stop working"), it will all come bubbling through.

You need to deal with your dark side to be able to tame it. We all got that side. I have plenty of evil in myself. Just try not to take it out on people who matter to me.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I'm looking back at my relationships and realize that there was one particularly chaotic. This was around the time that my symptoms started flaring up. He struggles with depression as well as Dependent Personality Disorder with Avoidant traits.
I would sleep with other guys and tell him about it. I went out, did drugs, and talked to him under the influence (I knew this made him uncomfortable, worried, and upset). I verbally abused him. I got physically abusive as a result of a delusion I was experiencing. I broke up with him and made amends and ended up in bed with him the next day. His friend hated me and continuously told him to break up with me, but he just couldn't. I kept pushing him and pushing him to find where his line was, but he just wouldn't end it.
His therapist told him that I likely had borderline personality disorder, but he told me he didn't believe her. (I'm never sure if he really believed it or not since plenty of other times I've asked his opinion on something and he just went with what he thought I would think.) I've never been diagnosed with BPD, although I know comorbidity rates are high.

I know some of my behavior is because of sza, but I feel guilty about some of it because a lot of it was when I was asymptomatic. I don't really know why I did it. I'm preparing myself to apologize to him because I feel like I really ****ed him up.

Partially just venting, but also looking to hear from others on the topic.

Do you by any chance have BPD? I've been in relationships where when I was provoked, I've abused. I'd hit, push, say awful things. This often lead to me getting my *** handed to me in return. I would also talk badly about the person behind their back, cheat, lie. However I never really knew if it came from my BP or my BPD though. Perhaps both?

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Originally Posted by venusss

Meds cannot control what is your personality. Sure they can make you apathetic enough and numbed it enough... but when they "stop working" (funny thing, how these things like to "stop working"), it will all come bubbling through.

You need to deal with your dark side to be able to tame it. We all got that side. I have plenty of evil in myself. Just try not to take it out on people who matter to me.

As if I didn't already feel guilty enough. Thanks. I've been trying to "tame" my dark side, but it seems like without meds I always end up super aggitated, paranoid, delusional, etc... call it what you will but my doctor calls it a manic episode.
If these meds will spontaneously stop working then I guess I'll kill myself before I hurt any more people, since I've already failed at taming my "dark side."
Again, thank you for making things so much clearer. I think I'll go and drink myself into oblivion now to deal with it.