[mlt2819]

Hey,

Maybe a strange question, but how did you realise you were bipolar? I know, maybe it's a dumb question. But for the last year or two I've really begun to wonder if I'm bipolar or something! I've looked at the general 'characteristics' online and I would say I feel I could be (rapid-cycling!)... I'm curious to know how you concluded/realised for your self... I sure as heck don't feel it's productive to talk to people I personally know about it as they'll probably just dismiss it. So I'm hoping people here can chat please!

Anyway, I've really not been sleeping well, in fact, I rarely ever sleep well. I do get tired, but usually not tired enough to fall asleep (often takes 1-3 hours). I'd generally describe my mind/emotions like a yo-yo/rollercoaster.

I'm on here right now typing away, looking for feedback, because I've had a day which has reminded me that something feels frustrating with how I feel my brain is generally working... I've had a day with loads of ideas flying around, hyperactivity in my mind, going on and on like my brain is pedalling really fast on a bike that I can't stop. This happens quite a lot, to the point where I become self-concious and almost like I should hide sharing my rampant enthusiasm/ideas with other people. Of course I have many low points too, all the time. Generally I see no trigger for those highs or lows... they just seem to jump in to my brain and it happens. I have also had a long bout of depression a few years ago (diagnosed/therapy), but as I've grown older I've also realised that it seems also surrounded by very high points (flighty creative thoughts/ideas) and mental/verbal hyperactivity. I am a creative person, so maybe this is just part of it... but I don't know... something always just feels weird and I can't even remember what it's like to feel mentally 'balanced' - if such a thing even exists - my mind just teeter-totters all the time...

Anyway... your input would be appreciated.

Thanks!

[scatterbrained04]

I never really thought ahead of time that I could be bipolar. My beliefs about what bipolar is was basically that of bipolar 1. I knew I wasn't that, as some of the symptoms of mania I never had. I just knew something wasn't right, and I experienced a lot of depression.

However, I filled out what felt like a book of info at my initial pdoc appointment, and after talking for an hour, came out with a diagnoses of bipolar 2. It was like an "a ha!" moment for me when I learned about hypomania.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was dxed BP back in 2005 when I was eighteen after taking a small overdose at college. I was overwhelmed by the stress of college and couldn't handle it so I od'ed. I thought the doctor was out of his mind. As the year went on continued with very self destructive behavior but never - that I recall - got hypomania or mania. At the time I thought you had to be happy in one of those states and I never was. It all ended witch a suicide attempt and my first round of ECT treatment. After that I thought I was good to go. I addressed childhood trauma issues and thought myself cured.

Fast forward to 2013. I was hit with a lingering depression that cause me to hurt myself in a rage. It also cause me to throw things and yell at my husband. I thought maybe something is really wrong; I still don't think bipolar but maybe some sort of major depression or something. So I sought help. I had to wait three months for a psych appt.

What cinched it for me was during those three months I finally had a euphoric mania. I was laughing, singing, dancing. Getting lots of things done. One night I was doing dishes and my husband threatened to call my mom downstairs if I didn't slow down because I was almost breaking dishes. This made me realize maybe something was wrong, even though I just felt happy.

When I finally got into the dr she dxed bipolar immediately. Since then it's been changed from BP 2 to BP 1 due to the presence of psychosis and full on mania.

[cashart10]

I was diagnosed at 15. I accepted it at 29 after having a major psychotic break.

[theenemywithin]

I am not sure anecdotal accounts will really help you. Maybe, all of us would agree that, while we fit a cookie cutter diagnosis, our illness is somewhat unique to each of us.

If you feel your ability to function is impaired in any way, then it may be wise to seek professional help.

(Schizoaffective not bipolar but same diff)
I had a lot of strange behaviors but I thought they were personal quirks. I had to hide a lot of my thoughts. During "up" times people would ask if I was on speed, that normal people don't act that way. In 11th grade English class my teacher saw a decline in my writing (using words that don't exist, going off on tangents, etc) and she brought it up to the guidance counselor, who suggested I see my doctor. I was losing sleep at this time and hearing voices I couldn't trace the source of. I never actually thought anything was wrong with me.
That was until my boyfriend had a serious chat with me and said he thinks I'm bipolar. That my mood swings aren't normal. I also found out at this time that he told some other people I was schizophrenic. I realized I needed help (didn't know if bipolar/sza/etc though) at this time. My doctor thought it was sleep deprivation, but my first pdoc diagnosed me with psychosis NOS.

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know. I never thought I was. I was just told I was after having SSRI triggered mania eight years ago.

[BipolaRNurse]

I remember looking through journalist Jane Pauley's book Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue about 15 years ago and thinking it sounded an awful lot like me. My sister was also skimming through the same book and said "I think you have that (bipolar)." All I really "knew" about BP then was that you had to take lithium for it, and I was having none of that. So I went undiagnosed for another decade...here I was, a nurse, and I didn't know squat about the illness. I was in a lot of denial. But I couldn't ignore it any more by the winter of 2011-12, when I was forced by my PCP to have a psych eval. I've been in treatment ever since.

[Pastel Kitten]

I was told I was at a pdoc appointment when I was 16, and I completely disagreed. Then I only really realized something might be up this past September when my friend mentioned the possibility. I said "yeah, definitely not." Then I looked up the symptoms which I honestly hadn't really done before and it hit home pretty hard. That's when I sought out help

[Keegan2015]

I was taking an abnormal psychology course during my senior year of college and we were covering mood disorders one week. Up until then I thought I'd just been suffering from bouts of depression and anxiety but once we got to the lecture that covered bipolar I and II I remember sitting in class looking over the DSM-5 criteria and thinking "huh... this actually sounds *a lot* like me...." I ended up getting diagnosed with BP 1 a couple of months later.

I suspected i had bipolar after a really embarrassing episode of hypomania when i left my husband and went to a women's shelter and started divorce proceedings. Once i came back down to earth i talked to this friend i had and asked her if she ever had times where she was super energetic and on top of the world and then tired and inactive and she said no. So i sought out and got a diagnosis.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

after reading about BP before diagnosis, it was hard to brush off weeks of waking up feeling like i was on blow

my mood is usually fairly flat and stagnant, so it was fairly obvious to me.

i was talking faster than i ever had, laughing uncontrollably, colors were vivid like i was smoking but felt euphoric like i was blowing. woke up like that. couldnt sleep/shut my mind off. emailed my therapist sexual comments. then went into a manic stupor one night, and then woke up that night with paranoid delusions.

that was 3 years ago

i knew based on my out of character behavior. very neurotic

[cmorales]

I am like the most laid-back dude ever, naturally. Very calm. Very friendly. Very shy. So when I began exploding with uncontrollable anger as a teenager, I was very afraid because I didn't know what was happening. Coming out of a delusion at 15, I began to realize something wasn't quite right. I had a mental breakdown at 19 and had been on and off depressed since I was about 14 or 15. But it wasn't until I was about 23 that I really began to suspect what actually might be the problem. It was then that I came to accept the possibility, but didn't want to jump to conclusions. It wasn't until a few years later that I got diagnosed and entered treatment.

p.s. Keegan, I love the quote in your signature!

[lacerta]

I was in depressive state and red about different kinds of depression on net. Then when it came to bipolar, I realised it's about me. I took some bipolar tests on i-net, and they were positive, then I went to my p-doc and told about that. He ascertained my diagnosis.

[LorrieTorrie]

I was diagnosed after I had a mental breakdown that put me in the hospital. After going over my history the psychiatrist there diagnosed me. To this day I still haven't fully accepted the diagnosis, even though it fits. I guess I just wish it were something else.

[thedayturnedaround]

I knew nothing about mental illness until I sought help from a primary care physician for anxiety and depression, and when SSRI's (zoloft) made things worse, I saw a psychiatrist. When I described my "ups and downs" that I had lived with for years he explained to me what bipolar disorder was, and that I fit that diagnosis. Later I had psychosis.

Moral of the story: I wouldn't assume anything without talking to a psychiatrist about it. But be careful. I knew so much about PTSD that I convinced one of my psychiatrists I should only be on zoloft again (I had to get off lithium because of side effects, started to become manic.) She went with my observations, prescribed me more zoloft and I had a terrible reaction. Keep that in mind, be objective about your symptoms, don't assume it's bipolar. It could be ADHD for instance. (Total hypothetical) Bottom line is let the psychiatrist diagnose what it is, because if you come in with a preconception, they may just go with your preconception.

[gina_re]

I had no idea. I was diagnosed with MDD and prescribed Paxil when I was 20. I probably went hypo afterwards, because I upped and moved to MO later that year. While living out there, I fell into depression again and was hospitalized while there. The pdocs were just giving me medications without really explaining the diagnosis to me. When I moved back to VA I was on and off medications, still not knowing (at least I don't remember). It wasn't until I went to a pdoc again after another depression that told me I had bipolar depression. I had no idea what she was talking about, but the med she gave me worked. I read more and more about what this bipolar was, and I was like hmm, this does make sense. I was feeling better and somewhat "normal". And from then on I knew that's what it was. I was 27.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by thedayturnedaround

I knew nothing about mental illness until I sought help from a primary care physician for anxiety and depression, and when SSRI's (zoloft) made things worse, I saw a psychiatrist. When I described my "ups and downs" that I had lived with for years he explained to me what bipolar disorder was, and that I fit that diagnosis. Later I had psychosis.

Moral of the story: I wouldn't assume anything without talking to a psychiatrist about it. But be careful. I knew so much about PTSD that I convinced one of my psychiatrists I should only be on zoloft again (I had to get off lithium because of side effects, started to become manic.) She went with my observations, prescribed me more zoloft and I had a terrible reaction. Keep that in mind, be objective about your symptoms, don't assume it's bipolar. It could be ADHD for instance. (Total hypothetical) Bottom line is let the psychiatrist diagnose what it is, because if you come in with a preconception, they may just go with your preconception.

True. The more you read about the symptoms, the easier it is to convince yourself you have them.

[LacunaCoiler]

I've been depressed or manic most of my life but what made me seek help was when I had a really bad depression spell and the gf made me seek help with my pcp, which he prescribed a ad. Having a bad reaction to the ad and becoming extremely manic the gf gave me the "go see someone for help or I'm leaving" threat. Reluctantly I sought help from a therapist at my college and after about 2 or 3 sessions she referred me to a pdoc because she thought it was bipolar.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I didn't realize. My best friend at the time was the first person to realize it. He said something and we talked, and then not more than a week later my T brought it up that I might be bipolar, and during that time I was looking at symptoms and said 'huh, that makes sense' and I got a pdoc appointment scheduled where the end point was a diagnosis of BP II.

That's different from acceptance. It's been 5 years and I still haven't fully accepted that I'm bipolar. I know it to be true, but I want so badly for it not to be that I have this little fantasy world in which I'm not that I sometimes live in.

[pirilin]

Always knew I was "different". And was happy and proud of it.
20 businesses, 3 marriages and 3 kids later, I got depressed.
Started wondering why nothing of mine lasts.
My 3rd and actual wife sent me to the Pdoc for depression.
And then the bomb. Bipolar I. A shock for a 62yrs old man.

[1278]

I always had suicidal ideation and depression for as long as I can remember, from even age 6 or 7. I just thought it was clinical depression, and I kept a secret from my parents because I was in denial. I had my first panic attack at age 20 and told my parents I was depressed. I was diagnosed as bipolar at 21 after having taken antidepressants and then trying to kill myself. My new pdoc suggested I might be bipolar 2 and after hearing about hypomania things started to click.

[Victoria'smom]

I remembering getting told my sister was dx with manic depression. Going to school the next day going to health class and looking it up and sinking. Thinking that's all the females in my family, ****. closing the book leaving and purging. I SH so much that night. I didn't tell anyone. I did ask for help and it fell on deaf ears. At 13 The school had me as emotionally unstable, 17 I was dx depressed and ED, 21 depression, 22 IED & PDnos, 26 BP w. psychotic features and so on.

[TryingToMoveForward]

Pretty sure my first real hypomanic episode was when I was 16. Because I distinctly recall grandiose feelings, like I was being recorded by other people while getting dressed for the day. I was high energy, on top of the world, I felt like a rock star. It was when I met my first boyfriend, and the feelings persisted a while, but I didn't know much about bipolar back then. Never in my dreams would have considered myself to have it. It wasn't until after a psychotic episode that a psychiatrist diagnosed me. And it shocked me. I never would have put it all together...like it couldn't be me, couldn't be real.

But as I learned more about the disorder, it made a whole lot of sense.

If you can get an assessment done, I would recommend that.

Well throughout the years I've always had problems sleeping and I would go through deep dark depressions and hypomanias. I'd had my primary Dr tell me that he thought I had bp but I didn't believe him. Then in 2011 I went through a psychosis. Landed in the hospital and was diagnosed with bp I and PTSD. When I think back after I gave birth to my son I couldn't sleep and behaved very strangely. Got really suicidal and was put on a sleep aid. The drs have said that was my first manic episode. So I went untreated for 15 yrs. Very happy I'm medicated now. Don't live with so much anguish...