[raspberrytorte]

I've been wondering lately if this problem I have could be considered self harm.

I can't do this as much right now because my husband is holding my meds for me, but he doesn't watch me on pill dispensing night.

Possible trigger:

I'll take extra pills when he's not looking, sometimes up to eight extra, or a handful. Tonight it was with buspirone and propranolol. Usually I do it with gabapentin but couldn't because I'm going to run out of that early. On one really bad night it was with cogentin and gabapentin and I woke up the next morning slurry and unable to walk. One morning my husband had to shake me awake and told me it looked like I wasn't breathing.

I know this is bad. Last year around this time it was just propranolol I would abuse.

This is embarassing.

But is it self harm, or just drug abuse. I freak myself out.

Thanks for reading.

I am depressed right now. Just want to sleep.

Should I tell my pdoc? I'm scared to tell her. I'm worried she'd IP me or something.

[raspberrytorte]

And I'm not sure why I do it with the weirdest meds! Last year I was still on clonazepam and I never did it with that.

[RomanJames2014]

Yes that could be considered self harm. Either for the usual self harm reasons or because it's a compulsion. Either way let your dr or husband know so that you don't take too many and regret it. Praying for you and hope you feel well soon.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Definitely let your pdoc know this. Tell you husband what you are doing so he will fill your med box for you. There are ways to correct this problem, and it is a problem that can really become dangerous for you. It will be better to be upfront about it with those that can help than for them to discover it because you fall or pass out and hurt yourself or end up in ICU because you've overdosed somehow.

[Victoria'smom]

Yes tell pdoc and yes it's a form of self harm. It's more dangerous form than others.

[~Christina]

Yes it is a self harm and its a dangerous one. It's easy to over serve yourself meds and not be aware of it.. I did that once and got very very lucky.

Please let your pdoc know things are not working at this stage, and also ask your husband to physically hand you your correct meds until your feeling better.

Stay safe hun

[raspberrytorte]

It's just so frickin ridiculous! I just do it with my anxiety meds I've noticed. If I take enough gabapentin it feels nice though makes my vision weird and propranolol makes me feel very relaxed. I'm scared to admit this to anyone it's so embarassing. Would my pdoc take me off of everything or send me to the hospital? I was just there. It's expensive! We're still paying off last year as is.

[~Christina]

No its doubtful that you will get taken off your meds and go IP .

I over served myself Xanax , I didnt realize how much I was taking ... I was trying to get a break from my serve Fibro pain.

At that point I just agreed that my husband had control of my meds. When my pain gets to a certain point I just dont think at all.

I have a couple extra pills in a bottle in case I need something while he is at work or out , whatever.

Your current med cocktail just isn't working out. I also do think your dealing with the long term side effects of coming off your benzo. its a common complaint.

Please push to find the best combo of meds that are the "best for you"

I hope you stop doing that. You could take too much and stop breathing. I would stop doing that asap. Be well. Hugs

[wildflowerchild25]

As others have said, it could be a form of self harm. What's your end goal? To just feel better? Or to do yourself harm? I had a bad habit of taking too many pills, Advil - I would take eight or ten at a time. My unconscious goal was to damage my kidneys and hopefully die but I wasn't attempting suicide. Any time I feel I am sliding back into the habit I get rid of all the pills in the house or at least put them out of my immediate access.

Definitely tell your Pdoc. You can't move past it if you're not honest. As long as you're not an immediate danger you will not be put ip against your will.

[bbTofu]

I wonder what would happen if I swallow 30 pills of Ritalin?

[Victoria'smom]

I was doing this for a few weeks last year ish. My Therapist suggested a safety plan. I use to do it even if I had a session the next day. He was concerned by my impulsiveness and eventually I did end up IP but not just because of that.

[gina_re]

I did this with Xanax and Seroquel about ten years ago. I ended up in IP. In my head it wasn't a suicide attempt, I just wanted to relax and not deal with life. But from the outside looking in, it was a suicide attempt. So I would think it is some form of self harm because you are in a way literally harming yourself with taking so many pills unnecessarily. As hard as it may be, I would let your pdoc know.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I called my pdoc just before and am waiting now for a nurse to call back. I had to call about how depressed and anxious I've been these past few weeks. I can't stand it! And I've been having problems with seroquel.

I'm hoping once I feel better I won't do this over pill thing. I'm still too scared to tell my pdoc or husband. I could see my husband dragging me to the er.

[Wattsherfayce]

There is no point of talking to your psychiatrist if you can't be honest with them. If you want the right, proper, and competent treatment it means you have an essential part to play; and if you're not honest with them you won't be helped in the way you need it.

I understand that it's scary, and it's not easy. Maybe look into Dialectal Behavior Therapy if you haven't done so already? I recommend it to everyone, I wish they taught it in schools!

[pirilin]

As has been said. Your cocktail may not be working.
The one who needs to know is the Pdoc.