Agitated again rant

I'm so angry. I can't relax, I want to scream & rip at my skin one second, the next I'm so angry that I have to suffer this I want to make someone suffer, having homicidial ideation again. I kno how bad that sounds but hey it's the truth, obviously I've never actually physically attacked anyone & wont. I woke up this way, bored out of my brain the second I woke up. There is too much day to fill & nothing interests or satisfies me. Not as anxious today, that fearful anxiety has blossomed into rage. My boyfriend runs with his tail between his legs. APs not working at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not smoking marijuana to help anymore because that poison is only making me worse. I have nothing to soothe me. I am incapable of self soothing.

Thoughts of hurting yourself or others should be taken very seriously. It sounds like you may be having a bad case of dysphoria and I know how torturous it is. If your thoughts are getting really bad or you think you may act on them then pleeeeaaase go to the ER so they can possibly put you in IP and intervene with a different AP for you. I know that's probably the last thing you want but this can be pretty serious. Hope you find some relief soon! ((Hugs))

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This just happened to me a few days ago. Please try and make an appointment with your pdoc ASAP, if its not possible then go into hospital. Please take care of yourself

Are you handling things any better today?
Can the Pdoc call in a script for you?

Thanks everyone. Sorry about all the anger. Pdoc called in prn olanzapine script & stated I will need to recommence a mood stabiliser if I don't want a daily AP (which I very much don't, I've already started binge eating). I've been sleeping with the olanzapine & feeling calmer. He suggested lithium again. I mean it's because it's worked twice before & I have it on me but I cant tolerate the physical side effects & Ive also stopped twice before. I feel like he's coming around to the bipolar 2 dx my previous pdoc dx me with though which is good. Now the question is what mood stabiliser is most effective for bipolar dysphoric hypomania.

Trileptal is my stabilizer that stopped my dysphoria. And I take risperdal PRN for anger and rage

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if I got put in the mental hospital everytime I got homicidle I would always be in there. I have a violant criminal record. been locked up too many times, its best to take a medication to calm down, that's my advice. hope u feel less agitated.