[Standup2me]

Do you know what I mean?
Have you been in this same place?

[Woolly Bugger]

The old me is gone and will never, ever return. It is better that way. I don't really like the new me all that much, but the new me can survive. The old me couldn't. It is a compromise. I miss the old me, but he doesn't exist any more, and for good reason.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel the same sometimes. I think about how passionate I used to be, how much I cared about other people...I just don't have the mental energy anymore.

[Miss Laura]

People say do you really want to go back to the old you? I always said yes.... but I was ill most of it so what is the real me?

Maybe this is your chance to learn who the real you is :-)

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[violetgreen]

I've been in that place for a long time, only recently connecting with myself. Therapy, medicine, getting on medical leave, opened a space to reconnect. I thought I had lost my connection to making art, but I've picked it up again, and with a feeling of engagement and pleasure. I think that the old me, current me, and future me are all the same me. I can feel distanced from myself, but I'm still here. I believe, so are you. Do you have an intuition of how to find yourself again?

[fishin fool]

I know what you mean. I have always felt like a very different person on the
inside than what people saw of me on the outside.
I am just about to turn 53 and I am only now for the first time starting to find
ways to bring out what I consider the real me.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. I want to spread my wings and fly!

[intergalactictraveler]

I keep trying to get back to that place. I feel it so intensely. The man I've become, due to worsening bipolar and marriage to a woman who, unfortunately, has Borderline Personality Disorder and alcohol addiction(and won't go for therapy or attend AA), has developed into sadness and hopelessness. But I keep trying to break through the 'wall'. As long as I'm committed to staying alive, I see no reason to throw in the towel. Life is like the ocean; it never stops moving and changing.

[beeblove]

Originally Posted by intergalactictraveler

I keep trying to get back to that place. I feel it so intensely. The man I've become, due to worsening bipolar and marriage to a woman who, unfortunately, has Borderline Personality Disorder and alcohol addiction(and won't go for therapy or attend AA), has developed into sadness and hopelessness. But I keep trying to break through the 'wall'. As long as I'm committed to staying alive, I see no reason to throw in the towel. Life is like the ocean; it never stops moving and changing.

Just keep swimming

Yes this is different I know but my therapist recently had me draw up three pie charts - yes sounds silly. The first chart was to identify the person I used to identify myself to be. The second was to draw one up of what I consider myself now to be. The third then was to consider where I could restructure that pie finding places to squeeze back in what I'd like my life to look like. The exercise was supposed to be about recognizing what I've allowed to take over my life and where/how I could realistically change that. Just a thought.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by violetgreen

I've been in that place for a long time, only recently connecting with myself. Therapy, medicine, getting on medical leave, opened a space to reconnect. I thought I had lost my connection to making art, but I've picked it up again, and with a feeling of engagement and pleasure. I think that the old me, current me, and future me are all the same me. I can feel distanced from myself, but I'm still here. I believe, so are you. Do you have an intuition of how to find yourself again?

I think that is a big part of the issue. As odd as it sounds, I have not really learned what parts of me are missing, so I don't know how to get it back. These are foreign feelings for me, and I am having trouble understanding them

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by rcat

Yes this is different I know but my therapist recently had me draw up three pie charts - yes sounds silly. The first chart was to identify the person I used to identify myself to be. The second was to draw one up of what I consider myself now to be. The third then was to consider where I could restructure that pie finding places to squeeze back in what I'd like my life to look like. The exercise was supposed to be about recognizing what I've allowed to take over my life and where/how I could realistically change that. Just a thought.

Or list them. I tend to be a very linear thinker, so lists work well for me

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Do you know what I mean?
Have you been in this same place?

I know what you mean. I'm going through it now myself. ((((hugs))))

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[Melmo]

I don't even know if the way I am now is the "real" me, or the way I was about 5-6 years ago that I want to get back to.

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[pirilin]

Ive been seaching for myself for a while.

[hopeless2015]

Yes, something is definitely missing I'm not sure I ever knew who the real me was. It makes me sad

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[alincdytyourmeds]

I feel more energy than I have in years. I want to get back to the things I loved, but don't want to be so emotional with each aspect. Today I am honestly crying because work has been so tough for the last week and a half and I wonder How did I do it before and why can't I handle it now.

Yes, I know what you mean. I don't know what else to say other than I understand. xo

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[UpDownMiddleGround]

I'm going through the same thing. I long for the old me.

I understand this all too well. I get no pleasure in anything anymore. Getting more stable has turned me into a fat, lazy, blob of a hopeless human which I was just as hopeless before. Is taking meds and regular therapy worth it if I still have no desire to live, and do nothing at all entertainment wise for pleasure. At least before, I did have some fun every now and then. I am seriously wondering if it is worth it to continue with treatment.

[Ripose]

I have lost about 45 years of my life due to MI and self-medicating with alcohol. I was always known as the "crazy" guy who would do anything, anytime, anywhere. Without alcohol I would have died many, many years ago as it stopped me from being totally psychotic.

I saw psychiatrists and doctors along the way who tried several different meds on me but when I didn't get instant results I went back to booze. Now at 55 I am on the full regimen of psychiatric drugs and very rarely drink. Only now I have no incentive to do anything, I won't go out by myself, I won't talk on the phone and I have broken all ties with ALL friends and family members. The only person in my life is my wife, and my doctor when I need refills.

I need to get the "old me" back but I know the alcohol would kill me sooner than my meds. But I am so tired of spending up to 16 hours a day on my computer, every day, 7 days a week while not doing anything else except the dishes (my wife does everything else).

I guess I really dont know what to do anymore. I am tired of suffering either way.

*hugs*

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[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Do you know what I mean?
Have you been in this same place?

Actually, with the bipolar I have to say that I spent years not knowing who "me" was. Yes, I understand completely though... sometimes I get so lost in treating my bipolar that I forget who I am ...

... however, I always remember that the bipolar is part of me and concentrate on the good parts while minimizing the damage the bad parts can do.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by rcat

Yes this is different I know but my therapist recently had me draw up three pie charts - yes sounds silly. The first chart was to identify the person I used to identify myself to be. The second was to draw one up of what I consider myself now to be. The third then was to consider where I could restructure that pie finding places to squeeze back in what I'd like my life to look like. The exercise was supposed to be about recognizing what I've allowed to take over my life and where/how I could realistically change that. Just a thought.

My onset was in 2011 and I was diagnosed in 2012. I was out of control with my moods. My symptoms were off the chart. I thank God no risky behavior or drugs. But I liked the clubbing scene tho and would hang out on the weekends. My limit was always one or two drinks if I had any at all. In 2013 I moved out of state and started getting admitted to MI hospitals. I was dealing with so much. I was dealing with not being the old me. The me before the onset. I had a decent life....had a nice job. I hated my life in 2013. In 2014-15 I kinda started coming around and accepting that things will be ok. That I'm surviving in this new life. This year 2016 I started taking steps to build on in this new life.

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[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by BastetsMuse

Actually, with the bipolar I have to say that I spent years not knowing who "me" was. Yes, I understand completely though... sometimes I get so lost in treating my bipolar that I forget who I am ...

... however, I always remember that the bipolar is part of me and concentrate on the good parts while minimizing the damage the bad parts can do.

Muse, you raise such a good point. Maybe we are so busy trying to find the right mix of meds, trying to stay healthy, trying to be "normal" (whatever that is/means).
Maybe we don't give ourselves a chance to be us?