[cashart10]

Hey guys! I know I haven't been around for a while. I've read some things here and there but I've been too exhausted to respond.

Possible trigger:

I'm finding myself worried that people (my therapist in particular) know what I'm thinking. I also find myself, instead of wishing for vibrant, full lives for my children, wishing they would die young so they would miss out on life's misfortunes and also to be sure they are saved. Concurrently, I can envision the agony of losing my children. I couldn't live if anything were to happen to them. I just wish my mind worked properly.

Has anyone else have/had these thoughts or similar thoughts? How did you overcome them?

Cashart, i have heard others say they would not want to bring their children up in this world. However that is selfish on our part cause people are born and die when the good Lord decides to take them home and how He chooses. You are concerned your children are saved, you rather they die first. That is fear. If you believe God gave you your children then place them in his trust and care. We tend to forget they may be our children but they are individuals with their own will and choices, we do not make them for them nor are we responsible for them when they become adults. Concentrate on your spirituality and not your religion, there is a difference. In others words trust your maker and live in the moment not tomorrow in your head that is not here yet. Be grateful for the now and that takes the power back from worry. i hope this helps, tc

*hugs* it is good to hear from you. Please try and trust your therapist and tell them what is going on.

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[cashart10]

Originally Posted by omegalamed

Cashart, i have heard others say they would not want to bring their children up in this world. However that is selfish on our part cause people are born and die when the good Lord decides to take them home and how He chooses. You are concerned your children are saved, you rather they die first. That is fear. If you believe God gave you your children then place them in his trust and care. We tend to forget they may be our children but they are individuals with their own will and choices, we do not make them for them nor are we responsible for them when they become adults. Concentrate on your spirituality and not your religion, there is a difference. In others words trust your maker and live in the moment not tomorrow in your head that is not here yet. Be grateful for the now and that takes the power back from worry. i hope this helps, tc

Thank you for your solicited advice. I agree entirely and it helps a lot. I also admit that these thoughts sprout from selfishness and fear. I just don't know how to overcome them and I fear them escalating. I have, at one point, heard the voice of God telling me to do bizarre things (but never towards hurting another person). I am quite certain I am not psychotic and I am hearing no voices that interact with me so I doubt it will become a problem. Still, I fear telling my therapist about this because if something did happen, I fear it would be pinned on me and I would miss out on the pleasure of raising my children. I am self loathing at the moment. I'm not sure what to do.

[wildflowerchild25]

I think you do need to share these thoughts with your therapist. I think sharing them will take away their power. The more you keep them inside the more afraid you are going to become. Fear builds on itself. If you can't share with her, continue to share here. Share with somebody! And the only thing you can do, I think, is challenge these thoughts. When they come in, challenge them as unreal. No one can read your thoughts, and your children are safe. I'm dealing with anxiety about my son too; now that I lost my husband I feel anything is possible. I'm most afraid that he will get into drugs and die exactly how his father did. But every time I think that, I just shrug my shoulders and say what will be will be. I can't control the future. I can only hope that everything works out but if it doesn't I know I'm strong enough to handle it. And you are too. You're strong enough to handle this. They are just thoughts.

I wish you peace! Know that I love you and I'm thinking of you.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I think you do need to share these thoughts with your therapist. I think sharing them will take away their power. The more you keep them inside the more afraid you are going to become. Fear builds on itself. If you can't share with her, continue to share here. Share with somebody! And the only thing you can do, I think, is challenge these thoughts. When they come in, challenge them as unreal. No one can read your thoughts, and your children are safe. I'm dealing with anxiety about my son too; now that I lost my husband I feel anything is possible. I'm most afraid that he will get into drugs and die exactly how his father did. But every time I think that, I just shrug my shoulders and say what will be will be. I can't control the future. I can only hope that everything works out but if it doesn't I know I'm strong enough to handle it. And you are too. You're strong enough to handle this. They are just thoughts.

I wish you peace! Know that I love you and I'm thinking of you.

Thanks love. I will consider it. My therapist is very trusting and forgiving so it isn't entirely out of the question.

I can only imagine the fear you have towards your son after such a devastating loss. I hope time and your wonderful outlook will make it easier. Love you too!