Imagine that researchers found a cure for BP. However, the only way to cure BP is to remove a small part of your brain. (That means it has to be surgically removed.)

Fortunately, there are no known side effects from removing that part of your brain. It just cures BP 100%.

However, as with any brain surgery, there is a risk in involved. (i.e., The surgery can go wrong and you could get brain hemorrhages, etc.) Most brain surgeries are "high risk".

If you ignore costs, would you do it? If not, would you deal with it and/or stick to your meds?

[pirilin]

That is a YES my friend. If I lose is not much. But what if I win?.
The manic gambler in me.

[Icare dixit]

No, never.

My brain is toxic enough and might just burn a hole just exactly where that brain region would be. It burns holes all-round.

But then I'd have to find a way to selectively protect it, because I would never want to live without rundown, mild BP. Just maybe 20 more years. After that I might want it to finish some books and stuff.

But I really can't do without the challenge anymore. It should just have a pause switch. Maybe that I'd want inserted into my brain. A guaranteed-to-work pause switch. But the risks might be too high.

I also feel I'd desert others with BP: the smaller the group, the less society cares.

I'd rather die trying to change society. Less BP helps. No BP won't.

Possible trigger:

It is at times that I am really stable that I might try how many meds fit my mouth. Really.

[jacky8807]

In a heartbeat
And that's all I gotta say about that lol

[gina_re]

I'm not sure. Yes it's difficult to live with (and that's an understatement), but I think it makes me who I am and I like who I am. I just happen to live with bipolar disorder, but it hasn't stopped me from achieving all the goals I've set for myself. It just makes me work harder and has made me stronger.
I'm better off than many of many of my family members and I am the one with the disorder!

[fishin fool]

I believe bipolar has held me back from achieving many things in my life
and I have tried to overcome that road block many times.
So for me the answer would be yes. It would be worth it to see what it
feels like to get beyond the brick wall.

[pirilin]

^^^ So you're telling me you don't want to be normal?.
You don't want to get up at 5:30AM. Prepare a sandwich and stuff it in a brown bag.
Run to the bus stop and wait for an hour to get to the factory. Ponch a clock 15 mins prior.
Work in the same boring job you have had for 25 years. Waiting for social security.
Get out when the whistle blows smiling at the foreman. (More of a grin.)
Hop on the bus back home. Stop at the convenience store for a six pack and bread.
Get home and plumment in front of the TV beer in hand. Thinking about doing it all over again tomorrow.
Man oh man, I would pay for a normal life!!!.

[venusss]

Probably no. I am just too used to the way I am now, even with the bad stuff.

Plus, I believe struggle builds a characters.

And I do have to wake up at 6:00AM and like take subway... i have a qualified job, so it's never boring. Well, almost. It's sometimes rather too eventful lol.

Then I have this absurdly not normal part of life about which people question me a lot. And I got there by my own decision.

[Icare dixit]

As Friedrich Nietzsche (suspected BP) used to say: "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

I don't wake up at any particular time: much of dealing with BP is building flexibility into your life.

And I have the good fortune that I was pretty mad from a young age, so I could somewhat anticipate the storm: I never did as told, knew not just my weaknesses but more importantly my strengths, and learned to be as independent as possible and not to care about what anyone says, even when severely depressed.

I learned to live in isolation. I learned what friendships are possible and which aren't (pretty much only psychotic spectrum friends or hyperthymic). Don't ever get alienated, know my best and my worst.

I decided I would always have to live alone. Interactions with people should never be expected—great sacrifice. I take it. Flexibility. Not normal, against human nature? Not mine.

My life, my way and gonna keep it no matter how bad it gets.

I learned to enjoy soul-crushing, -draining and mental suffocating challenges and realise that the challenge, the game, isn't over at the end of one episode. I realised I had to use my mania instead of being scared of it, to connect all the dots, all manic episodes. To keep relative focus, yet function doing things that most people see as all over the place. And be successful.

It is all about a believe in yourself that you can keep on connecting the dots. Makes you one person. Gives you pride. Not just a person and an so-called illness.

I learned that all forms of psychosis tell you something meaningful (except maybe particular hallucinations, but just the phenomenon itself is very useful information).

I learned that science was the only way to both keep my sanity and that it could encompass every manic idea or delusion I ever had. I still use all my ideas. All my misconceptions.

Use your weaknesses to your advantage. There are numerous advantages.

One advantage is that we know BP and people try hard to know BP (and SZA/BP) and don't have it. One up.

And try to be as independent as possible.

Romanticising BP and human suffering will learn you to deal with it and use it.

Never romanticise ending it. Not in any way, by any means.

It is such a big part of us that you will destroy yourself in the process, literally or figuratively and essentially.

[Icare dixit]

And no, I am not ***** having an episode.

It is me: my life. Your life. Accept it.

Edit:
If anyone is gonna say "but we're all different, you know": yes, we are, particularly, essentially we are very much the same.

Probably not.
Surgery totally squicks me out. But let's assume it didn't...

Thing is, I've had it for SO long, and for so long undiagnosed, looking back I can't separate it out. If this surgery were now, after all that, it might well prove a double suffering. I've already done the suffering of those decades and it wouldn't give me those decades back. At this point, what would I really gain? The losses would not be overcome, even if my brain were suddenly "fixed".

Let's say it's retroactive. Would I have had the same level of creativity? Would my brain be able to play fast and loose making outside-the-box thinking the norm? Those things are REALLY important to me. They're who I AM. Who would I be??

Yes, it can really, really, REALLY suck. The chaos, the pain. I just think there's not much it would solve for me at this point, and it's inexorably connected with me. I don't know who I would be.

P.s. I can't imagine being "normal", BP or not.

In a heartbeat, particularly if it had been offered a few years ago. I wish I hadn't have had to live through that hell or put my family through it. BP is not who I am. I am so much more. I'm not connected to it in any way other than the problems it has cause all along. Like any other illness, it would be nice to have not had to go through it. It took more than it gave.

[pirilin]

^^^ Can't get over the Cha-Cha thing. Grrrrreat!!!.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

And no, I am not f*king having an episode.

It is me: my life. Your life. Accept it.

Edit:
If anyone is gonna say "but we're all different, you know": yes, we are, particularly, essentially we are very much the same.

Yeah, well, 'ya know, right?, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. There.

[Icare dixit]

There must be a simple explanation for what appears to be a divide between people who see it as something really essential to them and others seeing it as something else completely.

Is it age of onset? Continuous versus more sporadic? SZA/BP, BP-I or BP-II? More or less dense cycles? Comorbidity?

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. I would take the cure in a heartbeat. No more Meds yes!!
I could have my energy back. Love and desire for my projects and friends.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

[scatterbrained04]

Idk. Brain surgery is brain surgery. There is always a chance something could go very wrong. Like brain damage. You could wake up not even you anymore. I'd probably do it eventually, but not while my son needs me still.

Sent from my LGLS990 using Tapatalk

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm still getting over the ECT brain fry.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

There must be a simple explanation for what appears to be a divide between people who see it as something really essential to them and others seeing it as something else completely.

Is it age of onset? Continuous versus more sporadic? SZA/BP, BP-I or BP-II? More or less dense cycles? Comorbidity?

I don't think it is essential to my life, but everything happens for a reason. Like I said, it has made me stronger and work harder to overcome obstacles. I don't let it consume my life. People with other diseases don't ask for them either. It is what is.

[Trippin2.0]

My GP suggested I see a neurologist, and just the thought of them finding something they may want to remove has made me decide NOT to.


So no, not even for BP, no scratching inside my skull.


Besides possible brain damage, idk who I would be if my existence wasn't so intense... Idk how i would cope with mediocrity, and that's what it would feel like, because that's exactly what it felt like when i had too much meds in my system. Mediocre.


I've been this way since a very young age, and yes while its viewed as an illness, it has helped to shape who I have become, and I can't say that's all bad.


So no, no scratching in my brain for tumors or BP.

Just no on more than one level.

[~Christina]

Ahhhh Nope !

Bipolar has been a ever evolving part of my life.. even tho I didnt get that label until age 43.

It's the whole if a butterfly flaps its wings... blah blah .. it would effect everything.

Altho I am not always thrilled with my bipolar butting into my life plans at the worse times .. I honestly would not change things. Brain surgery? Would be to big of a risk..

I love me, Bipolar and all.

[Raindropvampire]

Why would I choose to keep an illness? That's like asking if I'd want my GERD to be cured. The answer is well duh.

Maybe I wouldn't feel it's just an illness if I ever got anything good out of it. I mean I hate my mania because it exhibits as rage. No good feelings or extra energy whatsoever. Just rage if I'm not in a rage then I'm usually in a suicidal depression. MY baseline is suicidal depression it's where I spend 80% of my life.

The only stipulation I'd make is it had to be retroactive going back to when I first showed symptoms. I'd give up everything I've ever published and any awards I've won to not have it.

I have no illusions that I'd have some great normal life. I'm too damaged from my childhood to be normal but just to not have this ILLNESS would be bliss.

[RomanJames2014]

I've thought about this a lot and honestly I love the mania and in a way I'm addicted to my mania so I would never want to get rid of it. I love my uber creativity and all the fun stuff that comes with it. I feel that I was genetically positioned this way for a reason and I should adapt instead.

I do however wish I could eliminate the depression seeing as how I've been creeping into one the last couple weeks.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

Nope never, bp is part of me.

[Bolivar83]

I would do the surgery in a heartbeat. I did read about a surgery, "Anterior Cingulotomy (GTAC) that involved burning out connections in the brain that were too active." (article:
Alleyne, R. (2011, January 25). British woman 'cured' of deep depression by pioneering surgery. Retrieved March 21, 2016, from British woman 'cured' of deep depression by pioneering surgery - Telegraph)

The article notes that after a year, she still remained depression free.

I haven't seen an update to this article (and at 4 am too tired to research further), but I hope for such treatment in the near future to be available!

Mania can make me feel "Top of the World, Ma!" but it can also drag me so low, demolish so much in my life. I'm trying to manage it better w meds, therapy, and self-help (doing DBT card, rating moods 2x's p/day, journaling, etc), but it's a daily struggle.

I'm tired of being mentally ill.