Siblings....

Hello guyz,

I'm wondering what life would be like if I had siblings. At least one.
Someone to share, to fight, to laugh with. A big family may be better.

Maybe having a brother or a sister could help with my illness.

Are your siblings helping or hurting your conditions?.

My sisters (three) have been very supportive. It's rooted in our childhood - my dad was great but my mom was significantly less than perfect, probably an undiagnosed BP (even to this day). So my sisters understand completely what I'm going through and they've always been there with a phone call or a card. They live in other states so we don't see each other all that often.

My siblings are just acquaintances. I'm second of six and we ran like a wolf pack when we were young. Now nothing except our childhood in common.

I have a brother and he doesn't get it. He hasn't bothered to educate himself on BP or accept that it's a life long illness. He's told me to get over it and move on.

I have a sister. She's not BP.

I think she's very prissy and often full of herself. She also tends to act nasty and snobbish because she's used to my parents giving her whatever she wants. I think she needs a reality check, but she's only 17. She'll learn the hard way.

But yeah, her behavior is VERY triggering.

Ahhhh, what ifs...

I have 1 sister. Growing up, probably moderately close. We were isolated, which must have had some influence. At mid-teens, moved, abating isolation factor. Hung out with totally different people. Not much interaction. (We are just over a year apart in age.) Then she did something major (nothing between us personally, something else) that caused a family rift. Which is mentioned only to account for 20+ year state of incommunicado. (We weren't close, so once something like that happens, one gets busy with life and doesn't think about it. It wasn't active hostility or anything.) Majority of this time we've lived thousands of miles apart.

I contacted her when I first had to go to counselling. The therapist was all into growing up stuff (and CBT). I wanted to verify my childhood memories. She verified and reminded me of other things too. There was some bonding in this, as we're the only ones that know what happened. It was still a couple years till I was dx'd (many, many years of obvious symptoms preceded dx.) When I was dx'd, she wasn't terribly surprised. It was always obvious that our mother's a vertible alphabet soup of mental conditions. Other relative's evidence of problems too. Not having it herself, she can't comprehend what it's like or the thoughts I have, but she is ok with it.

With some background established to help understand, onto the question...

She's not hurting my conditions. At the same time, "helping" might be a little stretch. Early on, I talked to her about some of the ways it's played out and tried to explain the kinds of thoughts I have at the extremes. We communicate via text and email and she visited a couple times for a few days. Communications are of the regular stuff. Nothing heavy. I've never contacted her during crises or anything. Since she's one of only 3 people (one being psych) that I have IRL communication with, that's something I guess. But day-in day-out, it doesn't actively fit in either catagory.

Sorry so long.

I'm almost 50 now and haven't had any contact with the sister i was close with growing up for almost 20 years except for the settling of my mom's will. I have super memories of growing up with her as she was only two years younger than me and we were constant playmates. That was the happiest time of my life. She's different now, really angry with a hair-trigger temper and highly profane. I treasure my good memories and forget the rest.

A sibling can be a very positive thing when having this illness. You can't have enough loved ones and support, especially if suffering from a mental illness.

I have a brother. He's much older than me. When I was very young, I would beg my mom for a baby sister. My brother was very cruel and abusive. We went through some good times together, but I mostly remember just pain and disfunction and some pretty bad PTSD type symptoms which still linger and probably always will. I wish things were different, but to make them different, I'd have to be able to change the past.

So I guess my point it, a sibling might be amazing and supportive, or they could be triggering and toxic.

All hope is not lost. It's possible to find a friend who also doesn't have siblings... And develop a lifelong platonic bond. I bet there are a ton of people who would love to be friends with you and would find it cool to be SUPER BFF's.

I wouldn't be surprised if some of my siblings didn't even know I'm bipolar. I've only actually ever told 1 out of 4. I enjoy being around them, but I don't usually see them. Typically only on holidays or other special occasions. Then maybe a couple other times a year. We don't talk on the phone. Having them has been good for me because I feel calmer around family. They just aren't in my life in a way in which they can be actively supportive.

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I was never close to my sister who is 4 years older than me and now she is the most
toxic person in my life. We have gone long stretches of time with out speaking
and now at almost 53 years old I don't believe we will ever speak again.
My brother and I were always very close, he is 9 years younger than me and I
always took care of him when we were young. Our mother was never stable
and prone to violence. I am sure she had serious mental illness that was never
addressed at any time in her life. These days because of my sisters toxicity
even my brother and I don't speak any longer. It breaks my heart but I am
done being sad over it. Now it just is what it is.
Siblings can be wonderful or nothing but trouble.

- Lefty's aunt

I don't see my brother (he lives in Scotland) or my sister (she lives in America) and I'm all the way here in Australia.

Guess we were kind of close(ish) growing up but we have drifted as adults, which is sad.

Happy Easter.

i've got 1 brother, and 1 sister.

my sister i never see anymore (unless it's for special ocasions) and to be honest, she never understood mental illness and just tries to ignore it

my brother's the same. he tends to register somethings wrong, but never asks what or how i'm actually feeling

saw my brother for the first time in ten years at my mother's funeral ,
never was close and I most certainly would never tell him I am bp .

I gather it can go either way.
That idyllic idea I had all these years is shattering a little.
Unless all the family would have different conditions and lived under the same roof.
That would be fun. We would have a private asylum and the shrink will make a house call
exclusively for us.

P.S. I know a lady who get a nurse visit every day to make sure she takes her meds.

As we have grown older, my sister and I have grown closer. But I think it happens with other siblings as well. She is aware of my illness, but it's not a topic of conversation. The whole (immediate) family knows. They actually are pretty supportive. But between my sister and I, she's just as moody at times, so we both give each other space when we need it. I seem to be more high functioning than she is anyway.

I have older brother & sister, and I'm age 65. Our relationship has not been that great over the years. Mother maybe a factor. I read 30% of siblings have problems for very many different reasons. It also said many times it all has to do with the younger years, and one child can have ideas why another is different. Like treated better, and such. In some cases, parents can better provide for the older children due to better income. But the list goes on and on if you search Google - sibling rivalry. There is just no way to know how it could have been.

Brother is 4yrs younger. We are anything but close. Could write a chapter.....

I have a older sister and younger brother and sister who know about my illness my older sister and I are closer than we used to be and my younger sister we get along but not all the time my brother no problems. As a family though we have a lot of problems.

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My siblings have resented me and I don't have any contact with them, except for an older sister who is in nursing home care.

When we were in contact, they did not help at all--their own illnesses made that impossible.

I have 2 older brothers. They are best friends to each other. It's incredibly triggering to me to be around them or communicate/interact with them. I constantly feel like an outsider, not only to their relationship with each other, but also their relationship with our mother and with our family friends. I don't always know the right word for how they make me feel - excluded seems like it's deliberately done, while left out might just be oversight. I'm honestly not sure which of the 2 applies, or which would be worse - to be avoided or to not even register as an afterthought. Regardless, it happens constantly and it makes me feel terrible. I struggle with trying to care less about the relationship (or lack thereof) I have, but somehow it's constantly present to me, even though we don't live close to one another.

Ex's:
1) I found out from my mother that she was at one brother's home for the weekend for his 40th birthday. I sent a card & called. She, my other brother, and several family friends traveled to his home for a birthday bash that I found out about when I talked to my mom while she was there. It hadn't occurred to any of them (I hope...or else it was deliberate) to invite me or let me know.

2) I found out via text from my mom that my other brother was deploying; apparently he told her, my other brother, and neighbors/friends across the street in person during the holidays. I had dropped in on our way to my husband's family, but he didn't mention it to me. I never got a call, email, text, FB chat, or any other sort of communication from him about it. I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to know at all.

3) During that holiday trip, we were only able to stop by for about an hour; my brothers made plans with the neighbors/friends across the street to go to the movies. Their plans meant they left halfway (30 minutes) through my very short visit. To go to a movie. Even though they were all there for about 4 days together.

4) The one brother has been deployed for a few months, and I have emailed and FB messaged him, with no response. My young son has emailed and gotten an email response. My other brother and the neighbors/friends who knew he was going included me on a group FB chat; he responds to them all repeatedly, never once to me.

For no particular reason, other than I was trying to not put effort into hiding it anymore, I recently told my oldest brother about my BP. He put some effort into calling me with no other reason than to talk; it happened maybe 3 times in about 2-3 weeks. I can count on zero hands the number of times he's done that in his life. If he calls, traditionally he either needs something concrete, or he's driving and is 'killing time'. It felt good that he was calling just to chat, but I realized we have no foundational relationship anymore. There's nothing I really have to discuss with him, and I have practiced giving up on that relationship and trying to make it more than it is for so many years, I don't think I can muster the energy to try to build a relationship now. Also, I suspect the interest in talking has a lot to do with the fact that his BFF isn't as accessible during the deployment. I found out from my mom that the other brother will be coming back stateside, likely this week. I expect that I'll stop hearing from the older one altogether any day now; actually, after those 3 calls, he hasn't contacted me in about 3 weeks anyway, except for an Easter text with a pic of my niece.

I have 2 siblings (both of them married) and all of them know about my bipolar. My sister is by far the biggest advocate to my illness. She is assertive and strong willed, often coming to my pdoc appts and calling my pdoc without my knowledge when I was too unwell to care and speak for myself. She doesn't put up with crap and she is a mediator in my family when I need to go to the hospital and the rest of my family initially feels put out.