[xxblackrosesxx]

"Attention seeking" are the two words that makes my skin crawl. I personally hate the word and find it a very hurtful word, especially when you can't really help it and you just need to express yourself without having to see the actual reaction from a person's face. Never ever say to someone who is unwell and clearly can't help it those two words. It also may seem entertaining reading someone post something out there but it is not entertainment. It's just not funny and the trolls can **** off. Plus I may be in relapse but I can assure you I had not drunk alcohol, drugs or even smoked cigarettes.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by xxblackrosesxx

"Attention seeking" are the two words that makes my skin crawl. I personally hate the word and find it a very hurtful word, especially when you can't really help it and you just need to express yourself without having to see the actual reaction from a person's face. Never ever say to someone who is unwell and clearly can't help it those two words. It also may seem entertaining reading someone post something out there but it is not entertainment. It's just not funny and the trolls can **** off. Plus I may be in relapse but I can assure you I had not drunk alcohol, drugs or even smoked cigarettes.

Calling someone attention seeking is like the most insulting thing to say to anyone with a legitimate issue and just trying to find help, support or even just a listening ear. I understand that. It's two words that probably shouldn't be used 99%.. no, all of the time, here. There is nothing productive about replying to a thread in such a way and if I were you I would seriously consider sending a report on those posts to the admins

People who attention seek do so for reasons. Some reasons can be very serious and deadly. So eliminating any stigma pertaining to it is just a good idea. Everybody I meet, attention seeks from time to time. When they do, I ask myself "why" and "what does this person need". Then I ask them the questions "what do you need and what can I do to help"

Calling people attention seekers can have deadly consequences. What if a person is crying out for help and because they fear "asking for it and being labeled attention seeking" they don't get the help they need.

I believe that you don't seek attention and just need to express. I get that. But if you someday need attention, there are caring people who will provide it, if you ask. Best of luck.

[xxblackrosesxx]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

People who attention seek do so for reasons. Some reasons can be very serious and deadly. So eliminating any stigma pertaining to it is just a good idea. Everybody I meet, attention seeks from time to time. When they do, I ask myself "why" and "what does this person need". Then I ask them the questions "what do you need and what can I do to help"

Calling people attention seekers can have deadly consequences. What if a person is crying out for help and because they fear "asking for it and being labeled attention seeking" they don't get the help they need.

I believe that you don't seek attention and just need to express. I get that. But if you someday need attention, their are caring people who will provide it, if you ask. Best of luck.

Those are my exact thoughts. Here is the only place where I can submit such topics. I rarely update my Facebook and other websites. This is the only place where I can find some open minded people almost without judgement. I still feel judged here but that is natural instinct it's just trying to work around it

[Icare dixit]

The words are especially used far too often when describing borderline personality traits.

It's not so much the literal sense of the words, but the very negative connotation: many of us might seek attention for our problems (or we definitely should), it might be a bad way of seeking attention, of expression, but we really need more attention, there needs to be more awareness of how and why we suffer.

Never feel guilty for seeking attention, but always try to find better ways of expressing that need.

Do seek attention. If people don't recognise your problems, don't ever feel guilty for causing them problems. Be a nuisance. You'll feel better caring for others exactly as much as they do for you, which might not be much.

*****Trigger warning*****

Not feeling guilty for causing people problems is impossible for most decently compassionate people. But if someone cares for you, they would prefer a nuisance over a corpse. FACT. And ICARE made one good point, always seek out the best and healthiest manners of getting attention, that is, if you are in your right mind. If not, reach out anyways and practice new methods.

[s4ndm4n2006]

To both Elsa and icare: I agree on your points about seeking attention in the right way but both of these responses for some reason seem to imply that roses has sought out the wrong attention.. please correct me if I'm wrong.

The difference in seeking help (or the right attention as you put it) and what "seeking attention" implies is that it is seeking attention for the mere attention to self. Seeking attention for the sake of attention to be the center of a group.

Seems like the explanations on the differences and splitting hairs about the words "seeking attention" is kind of detracting from the point of her post?

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

*****Trigger warning*****

Not feeling guilty for causing people problems is impossible for most decently compassionate people. But if someone cares for you, they would prefer a nuisance over a corpse. FACT. And ICARE made one good point, always seek out the best and healthiest manners of getting attention, that is, if you are in your right mind. If not, reach out anyways and practice new methods.

Maybe I regained some of my more antisocial behaviour, but I think that's healthy, having BP.

You can only change your ways of expression if it is a reaction to something that doesn't hurt as much. Not caring helps.

The first step in changing your ways in not changing your ways in themselves, but not suppressing your expressions, reactions to feeling hurt and/or need for attention. Embrace reactivity, even when uncontrollably so.

Next step would be to prevent that extreme reactivity by talking about your issues when you don't feel their full gravity. So learn to anticipate, not just react.

Basically, become more antisocial, but consciously and determined to use it increasingly sparingly and maybe not at all in the future.

This is like SZ and BPD, but done consciously. Not all aspects of serious problems are problems. The more serious, the better the defence mechanisms. Caring less and/or quicker. Many with just BP can learn from these mechanisms.

Learn to turn the other cheek, but don't let compassion destroy you.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

To both Elsa and icare: I agree on your points about seeking attention in the right way but both of these responses for some reason seem to imply that roses has sought out the wrong attention.. please correct me if I'm wrong.

The difference in seeking help (or the right attention as you put it) and what "seeking attention" implies is that it is seeking attention for the mere attention to self. Seeking attention for the sake of attention to be the center of a group.

Seems like the explanations on the differences and splitting hairs about the words "seeking attention" is kind of detracting from the point of her post?

No, no wrong attention. I haven't read the other thread yet, but seeking attention in any way is better than silently suffering.

With the exception of suicide, I'd say. So with the only intention being to kill yourself.

[Icare dixit]

And I believe it is good to try to cleave the negative connotation from a mere phenomenon, to understand the why and so be more compassionate about any form of seeking attention when someone is suffering.

It can still be used to describe attention seeking without real suffering just to be the centre of attention, which however might still be indicative of a problem needing attention, but it shouldn't be regarded as part of the definition.

[xxblackrosesxx]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

The words are especially used far too often when describing borderline personality traits.

It's not so much the literal sense of the words, but the very negative connotation: many of us might seek attention for our problems (or we definitely should), it might be a bad way of seeking attention, of expression, but we really need more attention, there needs to be more awareness of how and why we suffer.

Never feel guilty for seeking attention, but always try to find better ways of expressing that need.

Do seek attention. If people don't recognise your problems, don't ever feel guilty for causing them problems. Be a nuisance. You'll feel better caring for others exactly as much as they do for you, which might not be much.

I have always hid away and try to brush off my problems under the carpet. I am known as very private irl. I had speech amd language difficulties so it's more difficult for me to speak and a lot more easy for me to type. I can write streams on how I feel but with my speech I'll always come out with "I'm ok." It's just how I am

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by xxblackrosesxx

I have always hid away and try to brush off my problems under the carpet. I am known as very private irl. I had speech amd language difficulties so it's more difficult for me to speak and a lot more easy for me to type. I can write streams on how I feel but with my speech I'll always come out with "I'm ok." It's just how I am

I do the same. I have great difficulty giving expression to my problems. But also in writing.

I seek attention in really unhealthy ways (I have borderline personality traits), so strictly speaking, I am an attention-seeker, but I totally agree the condescending, to paraphrase what you said, I hope, way that people use that word is really just blaming someone for seeking attention, seeking help and understanding, assuming there isn't a real problem because it is very to difficult to explain.

Another problem is that damaging oneself is often purely or primarily seen as seeking attention.

For me, and I think many like me, it is not so much seeking attention, but primarily creating a reason for the problems one has, a way to explain them and find more peace of mind.