[wildflowerchild25]

So I went back to work this week. Every day just solidifies the fact that I'm not renewing my contract at the end of the year. I've got four applications in to other districts so far. Even if no one calls me back I'm going to do substituting. Anything would be better than this.

My male facilitator quit this week (he had to move out of state to take care of his kids). Did they give me a replacement? Of course not. Why would they? I emailed the principal saying I really needed someone at least for lunch because I'm by myself and for eighth period because it's a big class and there's an ongoing issue between one student and several others. I can't do it by myself. I have another facilitator but she's often caught up in other interactions in the hallway and isn't always in class. And I NEED to be on point in this class cause the mother of the one student called me up at 7:30am Wednesday demanding to know why her son was being "bullied" and having pens thrown at him (I guess he neglected to mention he was cursing at the other students and throwing **** at them). but I got no response from admin. They just tell me there's no one to put in there. Fine, when something bad happens and someone gets hurt, don't ****ing ask me why I didn't do anything to stop it. I put my concerns in my weekly report too and I'm going to keep *****ing until they do something about it.

I'm also annoyed because the staff was talking about me when I was on leave. Now, that doesn't really bother me because people gossip because of course they do. I don't care what they say. I know they think I'm nuts. It's whatever. But she said it in front of a student. I know this because my student came up to me yesterday and told me. He said, "I heard Michele (staff) tell Kathy (staff) that you were out because you tried to hurt yourself. Is that true?" Like WHAT??? You're going to discuss my private business in front of the students?? Seriously? I just told the student that it wasn't true and to mind his own business (in a nicer way). For the record I didn't try to hurt myself this time so they're not even discussing anything accurate. Don't say **** like that so the students can hear! I never say anything about anyone in front of the students. Indeed I try not to say anything about anyone at all.

I just hate where I work. Seriously. They pretend to be so supportive of me and ask me if there's anything they can do to help me and when I need help they're like sorry we can't do anything about it.

I'm just irritable today because I tried to quit smoking. I had one cigarette in the am and then didn't buy another pack. I might have made it but I had a major panic attack when my mom wasn't home and didn't answer text or phone calls. I was convinced she was dead in a ditch somewhere. So I went out and bought a pack hoping she would be back by the time I got home. She pulled in just as I was parking thankfully. So I've still only had three cigarettes today. I'll try to quit again when this pack is gone.

Thanks for letting me vent! I just needed to complain.

[cashart10]

It is entirely ridiculous that your coworkers would talk about you in front of a student. How inexcusable and cruel. I'm sure that caught you off guard and likely embarrassed you. How unfair and unethical. What *****es!

I'm so sorry you are having such poor luck at work and that people are assholes to you. You would think they'd be compassionate after the loss I'm sure they are aware you experienced.

Good for you on cutting back on cigarettes. That is a huge step. I remember how hard it was for me to quit so I know how tough it is to do. I hope it gets easier soon! All my love!

[Woolly Bugger]

You have my sympathy. I work in public education, and I know it is a daily struggle. I'm relatively stable and have a relatively stress-free job in special education, but I know how hard it can be. I've tried to be a regular education teacher a few times, but I just can't handle it and always fall apart. I've thought about leaving education completely, but I really need the salary, enjoy the vacations, find it to be worthwhile at times, and can't think of anything else to do.

Do you think you can make it until summer vacation? It sounds like the environment you are in right now is toxic and not healthy for you. If there is anyway you could get out of it now, I would consider it. At the very least, I would certainly consider making a career change over the summer. Substitute teaching can be hell, and the pay is terrible.

Best of luck.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

You have my sympathy. I work in public education, and I know it is a daily struggle. I'm relatively stable and have a relatively stress-free job in special education, but I know how hard it can be. I've tried to be a regular education teacher a few times, but I just can't handle it and always fall apart. I've thought about leaving education completely, but I really need the salary, enjoy the vacations, find it to be worthwhile at times, and can't think of anything else to do.

Do you think you can make it until summer vacation? It sounds like the environment you are in right now is toxic and not healthy for you. If there is anyway you could get out of it now, I would consider it. At the very least, I would certainly consider making a career change over the summer. Substitute teaching can be hell, and the pay is terrible.

Best of luck.

I can make it until summer. Only nine more weeks! I'm not looking for a career change as I love teaching, I just can't work at this school anymore. I'm only going to do subbing if I don't get any other offers. I'm going back to school in the fall for my special Ed cert so hopefully I'll be able to find something in special ed. I am worried about teaching general education. I had a hell of a time during student teaching. I like this job because it's easy in the paperwork sense but I hate everything else about it. I even like most of the students but the select few make my life hell when I'm there. Which I guess it would be like anywhere. I don't know. I have no idea what else I would do.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

You have a right to be more than annoyed. People should not be saying anything around the students, much less THAT.

I had something similar happen and with hindsight I would have said something. (I went back and discovered my assistant-from-hell had told everyone that I had been in psych the whole time I was off and was psychotic. I was not psychotic and the only time I was in the hospital was in the ER because I had a horrible reaction to Abilify and had to get checked out.) I did not realize the depth of the rumor until bad things happened and I did not confront her and I only told my supervisors about it months later when they were asked to remove me from a building where I thought things were fine and I was being called "crazy" behind my back.

I should have said something then. I was too afraid of stirring up trouble and instead I just got hurt. Several years later I interviewed for a job and she was the manager at the site. I sent a letter withdrawing my application because I felt unable to supervise her based on past interactions and I hoped that was enough to at least raise questions with her new employers.

Maybe it's ok to smoke until school is out?

[violetgreen]

I worked as a teacher a long time, and it was the meanest, full of backstabbers and gossips, chaotic, violent, and a totally annoying career. I even thought I enjoyed it, but only in my imagination, because it was awful, and triggered me every day. I hope things work out for you in these final weeks of the school year. Take care of yourself.

[Woolly Bugger]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I can make it until summer. Only nine more weeks! I'm not looking for a career change as I love teaching, I just can't work at this school anymore. I'm only going to do subbing if I don't get any other offers. I'm going back to school in the fall for my special Ed cert so hopefully I'll be able to find something in special ed. I am worried about teaching general education. I had a hell of a time during student teaching. I like this job because it's easy in the paperwork sense but I hate everything else about it. I even like most of the students but the select few make my life hell when I'm there. Which I guess it would be like anywhere. I don't know. I have no idea what else I would do.

Special ed is a good alternative because you don't have to be the lead teacher, and you can focus on tutoring one-on-one or working with small groups. Classroom management is easier because there are two of you. I work in a high school and do a lot of co-teaching, primarily in math, and it is pretty low key. I could not survive teaching anything else. Best of luck to you.

[wildflowerchild25]

Now I'm totally freaked out that I won't be able to handle general education. I remember it was super hard when I did my student teaching. I also had a terrible cooperating teacher and a newborn at home though...so maybe it won't be as bad. Ugh. I don't know! I love teaching and working with students. I just...I don't know. Why do I have to be BP?

[lilypup]

I too used to teach and was a school principal. I never "loved" children, which sounds weird I guess. I just enjoyed teaching them.
My daughter teaches behavioral special ed which is hell on wheels. Don't get into that.
I found managing a regular ed class (30) just too much. The teaching part was fine but the paperwork and parents drove me nuts.
Absolutely inexcusable for people to gossip in front of kids. In my mental condition I would have tracked the culprit down and had a long "discussion" with her.
Take care of yourself, YOU are what's important here.

[violetgreen]

"Why do I have to be BP?"
I ask myself that, too. I wonder if I could have been a better teacher without BP. Would I be in the classroom still and looking forward to each day and the inevitable challenge? I think I'm still grieving the loss of this career, it got under my skin, and is really hard to let go of. Are there some accommodations that you can request to make the remaining weeks of school more doable? My school district approved intermittent FMLA leave, not reduced work-week, but approved full-time medical leave. So, I'm on the sidelines. But there could be other helpful accommodations. Take care!

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by lilypup

I too used to teach and was a school principal. I never "loved" children, which sounds weird I guess. I just enjoyed teaching them.
My daughter teaches behavioral special ed which is hell on wheels. Don't get into that.
I found managing a regular ed class (30) just too much. The teaching part was fine but the paperwork and parents drove me nuts.
Absolutely inexcusable for people to gossip in front of kids. In my mental condition I would have tracked the culprit down and had a long "discussion" with her.
Take care of yourself, YOU are what's important here.

The behavioral special Ed is what I do now. I know how hard it is lol.

That's what I'm worried about with general Ed. I remember being up until midnight grading projects multiple days in a row. I'm worried I won't be able to handle that much work. Especially if I'm in school too. I'm thinking of looking for an aide position instead, at least while I'm in school. I was a one to one aide for a special needs student for a year and it was the best job I ever had. Unfortunately the pay was terrible and I didn't get paid for days off, which was bad because of winter and spring break. A whole week without pay! I don't know if it would be different working for a district. I worked for a private company.

[wildflowerchild25]

Update: for the past two days the kid who informed me that staff was talking about me has been telling me to go kill myself when he doesn't get his way. So I confronted the staff member who was talking about me to let her know to keep her mouth shut around students because this is what happens. She was very apologetic and said she didn't even realize he was listening, but that she shouldn't have been talking about it anyway and that she was sorry for running her mouth. I accepted her apology.

So at least that part is worked out. I still don't have staff in my room but whatever. Story of my life. No calls back from districts yet but there's still time.

[zepchic]

Wow, that is messed up. I taught special ed too (middle school LD). I liked it, but hated the entire school system. I taught writing and the reading teacher who had the same kids as me didn't like me. Some other teachers told me she was talking crap about me, probably because the kids all liked me better. I could always hear her yelling at them through the wall. Now I homeschool my kids and have a little homeschooling business. (I don't really make any money though)