[cashart10]

Now my husband is saying he wants a divorce. He said once again he will go to therapy but also said that the group session we went to recently just confirmed his wanting to leave as it made him realize how hard I am to deal with. I told him that the kids will know that he is leaving as I will in no way tell them that I want this.

I am praying this doesn't happen. I still have hope. But I fear. If this does happen, I have resolved I will try to make it on my own without having to move in with my parents. I have recently believed that I will never be self sufficient but I am planning to challenge this.

[Anrea]

Best of luck to you Cash. My whole heart commiserates with you!

[hopeless2015]

Hugs!!

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[seoultous]

I hope you have a source of support. It sounds like you need it. I hope things work out the way you would like.

I sincerely hope you can work it out with your husband. I'm divorced and the transition back to being single was awful. I'm happier now all-around but getting here was Hell. Try hard. There's life on the flip-side but it's a process i wouldn't wish on anyone.

[Nammu]

Sounds intense.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so sorry!

[Wander]

:

So sorry to hear this. Surround yourself with as much support as possible. xxx

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Many, many prayers....

Just a thought--do you think it might be beneficial to talk to lawyer about your situation and how to handle the mental illness aspects now, just so that you know already if it really comes up? Then you wouldn't have to wonder/worry and can get your eggs in a row as well.

[zepchic]

I feel u as i am in a similar situation. I am making sure i follow my treatment plan, getting therapy, maintaining sobriety; so when it comes down to it hopefully he won't be able to take my kids. I suggest you do the same. Just to cya. Best of luck!

[wildflowerchild25]

Honestly you'd be surprised what you can handle when you have no other choice. I never thought I'd be able to be a single mom but here I am. Of course I do have my mother to help me. I don't think there's any shame in that either.

I hope for the best for you hon. But even if the worst happens - you will survive!

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Many, many prayers....

Just a thought--do you think it might be beneficial to talk to lawyer about your situation and how to handle the mental illness aspects now, just so that you know already if it really comes up? Then you wouldn't have to wonder/worry and can get your eggs in a row as well.

Originally Posted by zepchic

I feel u as i am in a similar situation. I am making sure i follow my treatment plan, getting therapy, maintaining sobriety; so when it comes down to it hopefully he won't be able to take my kids. I suggest you do the same. Just to cya. Best of luck!

My husband and I should hopefully remain on friendly terms. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that he knows how largely our children need me and depend on me and he won't try to take them from me. If nothing else, we may try to work out a one week with me, one week with him system. We've discussed it in bits. But, I have no fear of "losing them" despite my illness. The fact that he allowed me to stay home with them and that they spent nearly all of their time alone with me is enough, I would imagine, to ensure my position. Keep in mind also, when we step in front of a judge, this is not an agreed upon divorce, it is my husband walking out on us. The fears that I have had surrounding this have subsided as these facts have been laid out upon me.

[BipolaRNurse]

As Marilyn Monroe once said, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

I'm sorry your husband is flaking out on you. You don't need this. But he doesn't seem to be terribly reliable anyway and has been cruel to you in the past, so you may be better off in the long run. In the short term, however, just know that you have plenty of support here no matter how things go down. Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

[violetgreen]

Oh my goodness! It sounds like you are adapting to this really sad situation and getting the support and advice that you need. If this is going to happen, then maybe a good divorce lawyer, one who has expertise with disability and mental health issues could help to put you on a firmer basis. For instance, when the wife of a friend of mine wanted to divorce him, the judge prevented it for several years, and placed stipulations on it, because of his mental illness and being dependent on her for support and insurance. I hope everything works out for the best, for you and your family.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. My first husband cheated on me and left me and our then 13 year old son because I was 'too hard to live with' and he couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't diagnosed at the time, but looking back I understand now why I was so hard to live with.

I agree about finding a good divorce attorney. My father is an attorney and the unfortunate truth is regardless of what your husband is saying now, if he changes his mind or gets mad at you one day all it takes is a call to social services to have your fitness as the primary caretaker to the kids investigated by the court, and that is a nightmare. My sister r ally screwed over her ex husband by saying he was abusive to her and their kids (he wasn't, he was very devoted to their family. She got caught cheating and didn't want to own up to it) and DSS got involved and despite them finding no concrete evidence of abuse my sister got sole legal and physical custody of the kids. He hasn't seen them in almost 8 years.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, I'm just saying it's always best to be totally prepared and protect yourself. Even if both parties have good intentions starting out, there is always the potential for things to go awry. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.

Remember, To ask for help from Mom if you need it.

I'm sorry. It is hard but it can be done. 1/2 on 1/2 off with kids sounds smart.

[scatterbrained04]

I'm sorry you are going through all this (((hugs)))

I agree though, don't sell yourself short about what you can handle on your own. Sometimes we find out we are much stronger than we think. But also don't be afraid to ask for help too.

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[Anrea]

I thought my first divorce would be amicable. I never tried to take anything from him, or have him pay any support to me. I agreed not to ask for any child support. I was too deeply in shock to make the best decisions for myself. Meanwhile, he became a different person. When we divorce, we are not divorcing the superman who had agreed to protect and love us at all costs. We are divorcing a man bitter at what we put them through - the same usually goes in the opposite directions. Divorce brings out terrible traits in people fighting for their spirit, sanity, pocketbook, kids, things, future.

This person that for your kids sake you want to remain friends with - he will want respect from you. If you choose to fight him on the divorce, he will possibly begin fighting you back... your mental health state will be the first thing that comes into his mind to attack.

His wanting to divorce you may just be a desperate feeling of the moment, and you may be able to halt this in court as you hope. But first try to halt it through both of you talking of your needs, or through counseling. An attempt to force him into staying in the marriage via the court should be the last thing you turn to.

I am not trying to freak you out. And I am only speaking through personal experience. Divorce can have very different outcomes with different couples.

Best of luck to you Cash.