[Cavegirl]

I have been very unstable as of late. Terrible mixed episodes. Up and down and all around. No sleeping. No eating. Left my job. SI. Off my meds since December/January. Thankfully back on for 2 days now, I think I see a light somewhere up ahead!

There's this thing that really troubles me, (and please let me know if you've experienced this as well), the people that are closest to me have no clue what mental illness is. Recently I have found myself (finally!) letting it fly!! I told my husband that he needs to go educate himself on what my disorders actually are, and what they actually entail. While on the phone with my mother I asked, "Do you actually even know what I have (10 years after being "officially" diagnosed, in and out of hospitals, seeing doctors, taking medications, etc)?". She replied, "O, you have depression and s-*t". She didn't know the name BIPOLAR DISORDER!! She had never even heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. I told her to go online and educate herself because I am getting so frustrated and feel as if I am being humored by the people closest to me. I think they are under the impression that Bipolar translates to "moody bit*h".
There is an atypical method to my madness dammitt!!
I think my husband just did a WIKI search. So, I am trying to keep mindful, and explain a little bit at a time. Baby Steps. I, myself, am learning a lot through Psych Central, therefore I can articulate my symptoms as opposed to saying, "Yeah...I feel like crap", and holding it all in. I am off to visit my mother next week, and I plan on a good heart to heart. I know she loves me and cares for me...but, I just want her to understand.

Thank you Psych Central Forum for letting me vent!!!

Most people don't bother to educate themselves on mental illness, which is a real shame. It's not that hard to do!

It's good that your husband took the initiative to read the Wikipedia page for bipolar disorder. Most people don't even do that. So, it sounds like he's honestly trying, even though it may not seem like much.

I hope your meeting with your mom goes well. I agree it's a good time to educate her on the illness.

My parents make fun of people with mental illness, so I haven't even bothered to tell them about my BP (or anything I've been diagnosed with).

[Cavegirl]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Most people don't bother to educate themselves on mental illness, which is a real shame. It's not that hard to do!

It's good that your husband took the initiative to read the Wikipedia page for bipolar disorder. Most people don't even do that. So, it sounds like he's honestly trying, even though it may not seem like much.

I hope your meeting with your mom goes well. I agree it's a good time to educate her on the illness.

My parents make fun of people with mental illness, so I haven't even bothered to tell them about my BP (or anything I've been diagnosed with).

Hello Blue Bicycle. It must be so painful and frustrating for you to hide your feelings away like that. Are you ok? Are you alone with your diagnosis, or do you have support? Is there no way to get through to them?

(This gets really long...sorry...i just haven't had anyone to talk to)

I am happy my husband read up a bit, and acknowledged that it's important to me that he understands. It will just make our relationship much stronger. I won't have to hide away by myself, and he won't have to feel as if he's walking on eggshells around me. He has now become interested in meeting and speaking with my mental health professionals. It makes me feel a lot better knowing he is ok with, and sincerely interested in my illness'. It will alleviate some of my feelings of guilt for times when I am unable to be social and want nothing to do with the outside world.

The visit with my mother and family will be nice. My father suffers from untreated depression, I can't say for certain what else he may have as he's never been to a pdoc. He may be bipolar, but I've never spoken with him about anything aside from his depression and having insomnia. He's been prescribed Xanax for anxiety and difficulty sleeping by his GP. It's well known that mental illness is genetic. I see quite a bit of untreated as well as some treated mental illness in my family. The "norms" (for lack of a better term right now have no clue what we're going through. I've heard them accuse others of "making stuff up". The untreated are even worse off, because they're just stuck in a fog and hopeless.

Possible trigger:

A relative of mine just passed away last month, he suffered with PTSD...I'm not sure what else exactly. He stopped taking all of his meds and isolated in his room for months. His wife found him one morning "sleeping" in bed...he was cold.

No one sought help for the man even though they saw his behaviors. It really hit a nerve with me.

Ok...I will stop now. I'm just filled with so much of everything. I'm really sorry.

[Dontspeak]

I write the letters to the people that don't get it and never send them. Basically, you gotta take care of you. It's a cold hard fact of life that not everyone is as empathetic as you would be, or you would like them to be. So put yourself first, and them second. Enjoy them for what they do offer, after you've taken care of yourself.

My family is THE WORST. I have one aunt that gets it. I'm one of 4 kids and have 6 pairs of aunts and uncles and only 2 sane ones. Look to the sane ones, don't try to force the relationships that aren't there. Think about it, you know what's working, what isn't. You're not alone, don't put all your eggs in that one basket! Vent here instead

[Cavegirl]

Thank you Dontspeak. You are correct. I can not put all of my eggs in one basket. I can not take care of, nor turn myself into the martyr for everyone. I too have a big family!
My main concern was with my mother as we are pretty close, and my husband...because he's my hubby!
Yes! I will vent on here! Because, I am allowed!!

[Dontspeak]

Yes, husband is different. That I can't attest to, never had one I am super close with my sister too. I got diagnosed with something unrelated day before yesterday and she never responded. She sent me a pic of her son, and complained about her daughter, and just ignored me. LOL. We are close, but empathy ain't her game, and I know it. But she is important to me, so I accept that failure of hers and find what I need elsewhere.

Originally Posted by Cavegirl

Hello Blue Bicycle. It must be so painful and frustrating for you to hide your feelings away like that. Are you ok? Are you alone with your diagnosis, or do you have support? Is there no way to get through to them?

(This gets really long...sorry...i just haven't had anyone to talk to)

I am happy my husband read up a bit, and acknowledged that it's important to me that he understands. It will just make our relationship much stronger. I won't have to hide away by myself, and he won't have to feel as if he's walking on eggshells around me. He has now become interested in meeting and speaking with my mental health professionals. It makes me feel a lot better knowing he is ok with, and sincerely interested in my illness'. It will alleviate some of my feelings of guilt for times when I am unable to be social and want nothing to do with the outside world.

The visit with my mother and family will be nice. My father suffers from untreated depression, I can't say for certain what else he may have as he's never been to a pdoc. He may be bipolar, but I've never spoken with him about anything aside from his depression and having insomnia. He's been prescribed Xanax for anxiety and difficulty sleeping by his GP. It's well known that mental illness is genetic. I see quite a bit of untreated as well as some treated mental illness in my family. The "norms" (for lack of a better term right now have no clue what we're going through. I've heard them accuse others of "making stuff up". The untreated are even worse off, because they're just stuck in a fog and hopeless.

Possible trigger:

A relative of mine just passed away last month, he suffered with PTSD...I'm not sure what else exactly. He stopped taking all of his meds and isolated in his room for months. His wife found him one morning "sleeping" in bed...he was cold.

No one sought help for the man even though they saw his behaviors. It really hit a nerve with me.

Ok...I will stop now. I'm just filled with so much of everything. I'm really sorry.

Yeah, I'm alone with my diagnosis. The only support I have is the support I get here.

I haven't bothered telling my parents. They ignored the symptoms I exhibited throughout childhood, and I never got help until I was 24, when I was finally off their insurance plan. As a child, they always told me "get over it" or "stop acting that way; you're embarrassing us". They were never supportive of me, and well... when I saw them making fun of BP people, that's when I decided it's not worth telling them.

As far as I'm aware, I'm the only one in my family who has BP. My parents don't experience depression and neither does my sister. They never have. They don't know what depression is like. They just have their unfounded assumptions of what depression is, and they go off that. They just don't care to educate themselves on it. But, as the saying goes: you can't fix stupid.

Anyway, it sounds like you have a clear genetic history of mental illness. I think that probably helps your situation, right? It seems your parents are more likely to understand your situation compared to people like my parents. If you were able to identify your father's depression, I'm sure your mom has noticed it as well.

Sorry to hear about your relative.

[Cavegirl]

Originally Posted by Dontspeak

I got diagnosed with something unrelated day before yesterday and she never responded. She sent me a pic of her son, and complained about her daughter, and just ignored me. LOL. We are close, but empathy ain't her game, and I know it. But she is important to me, so I accept that failure of hers and find what I need elsewhere.

You are very wise dear. Very wise. I still think it is hurtful that we hide everything away. It makes us sadder in the end. But....what your sister lacks in empathy, she must have some other outstanding qualities.
I hope your new diagnosis is easily treatable. Have you posted about it?

[Cavegirl]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Yeah, I'm alone with my diagnosis. The only support I have is the support I get here.

I haven't bothered telling my parents. They ignored the symptoms I exhibited throughout childhood, and I never got help until I was 24, when I was finally off their insurance plan. As a child, they always told me "get over it" or "stop acting that way; you're embarrassing us". They were never supportive of me, and well... when I saw them making fun of BP people, that's when I decided it's not worth telling them.

As far as I'm aware, I'm the only one in my family who has BP. My parents don't experience depression and neither does my sister. They never have. They don't know what depression is like. They just have their unfounded assumptions of what depression is, and they go off that. They just don't care to educate themselves on it. But, as the saying goes: you can't fix stupid.

Anyway, it sounds like you have a clear genetic history of mental illness. I think that probably helps your situation, right? It seems your parents are more likely to understand your situation compared to people like my parents. If you were able to identify your father's depression, I'm sure your mom has noticed it as well.

Sorry to hear about your relative.

Yes, my mother is definitely aware of my father. He still keeps his sense of humor though, he can always make me laugh...even during our times of despondency. I'm now wondering if I explain the symptoms to her regarding the clinical depression aspect of bipolar...if after 49 years of marriage (as of today)...will she better understand him? That's probably asking for WAY TOO MUCH. OOooops, there goes that dumb martyr thing again.

How close are you to your family? How long have you been hiding away your diagnosis? Yes, with depression people wrongly assume that you are just "sad".
I am so glad I found these forums because I can get a glimpse of what others are feeling. It's given me a lot crying time as well as a lot of healing and A-Ha moments...because I can understand, relate, and empathize.

Please follow up with me...The both of you. I'd like to know how you are doing.

Thank you so much!!!

[Dontspeak]

I haven't posted about it about it yet bc I'm waiting for this massive blood test and totally random xray of my hands that had nothing to do with the pain in my foot and back which I went in for! I think it will take a month! But if the doc is right, I will have to post, bc the treatment is strong meds to the liver of course, and my poor liver is already working with a few hits from the psych meds.

Not that my sister cares! LOLOLOL. She couldn't name one drug that I take. But you know what? It's in the fam, in my opinion, she's got it too, it's showing up in 2/3 of her children and when they get diagnosed, then she'll want to talk. And I'll be there. For now, she only cares how their behavior affects her, not how they are suffering and what triggers them. It's so sad. One is 8 and one is 13

Originally Posted by Cavegirl

Yes, my mother is definitely aware of my father. He still keeps his sense of humor though, he can always make me laugh...even during our times of despondency. I'm now wondering if I explain the symptoms to her regarding the clinical depression aspect of bipolar...if after 49 years of marriage (as of today)...will she better understand him? That's probably asking for WAY TOO MUCH. OOooops, there goes that dumb martyr thing again.

How close are you to your family? How long have you been hiding away your diagnosis? Yes, with depression people wrongly assume that you are just "sad".
I am so glad I found these forums because I can get a glimpse of what others are feeling. It's given me a lot crying time as well as a lot of healing and A-Ha moments...because I can understand, relate, and empathize.

Please follow up with me...The both of you. I'd like to know how you are doing.

Thank you so much!!!

Your mom will probably understand your dad's depression a little better once you explain your illness to her. After all, what is BP without depression?

She might not completely understand BP when you first explain it to her, but I wouldn't expect her to fully understand it anyway. (Most people initially don't.) But, I'm sure over time she will learn more about it and become more aware of it. It'll definitely take some time, though.

As for my family... I'm not super close with them. I only got diagnosed last year when I was 24. I had been dealing with depression ever since I was 11, so I suspect that BP started around then. So, I guess I haven't been hiding the diagnosis for very long, but I don't really plan to tell them either. They've got their heads stuck waaay up their @ss as far as I'm concerned.

But yeah, I do like this forum too. It's nice to have *a* support system because I don't have any in real life. This forum fills the void.

[Cavegirl]

Don'tspeak! I just noticed you're from Brooklyn!! I am from Astoria, Queens...born and raised. I moved here to Columbus OH 7 years ago...and have come to miss NYC more and more and more with each passing day. I know NYC and most definitely Astoria have changed a lot in 7 years....it will always be my true home. I go back at least once a year....Next week being my first pilgrimage of this year. I will be looking for your post. I'm sorry if you are not feeling well. You're sister will come around...

Bicycle. Boston is a beatiful city as well. I haven't been in years...but I thought Cambridge was beautiful. I use the term "wicked bad" quite a lot actually. ;-)
I too suffered depression from a very young age. At one point around the time I was 14 my parents sent me to see some sort of specialist. I had begun acting out something fierce. My bipolar and borderline really began to stir up trouble.
As far as your family...it definitely sounds like you know what is best for yourself. It's really a pleasure to know we truly aren't alone...no matter how isolated we become.

[Dontspeak]

Astoria has blown up in the last 7 years, it's HUGE! I've been in Brooklyn for 14 years now, same apt, but that's another post. I have a really good friend in Astoria, plus, Astoria has Mama's Empanada's. Although now that I'm vegan I can't have them! Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, get a guava and cheese and eat and it with 3 spicy creamy cilantro green sauces for me. OMG. Right of the Broadway/Steinway stop.

We are definitely NOT alone. It's so funny how the brain works. A lot of these stories are "you took the words right out of my mouth."

[Cavegirl]

Dontspeak, Thanks for making me ***SMILE***