[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

So, I stopped seeing my therapist about a year ago. She said her door is always open, but I haven't gone back yet. I like her, but the cost was pretty steep for me to continue on a regular basis. I've had some good days since then, but also a pretty decent depression. I started to feel like I was coming out of it and felt what must have been baseline for almost a week. It felt SOOOO amazing! I don't remember feeling like that before. I wasn't hopped up on anxiety, irritability or impulsivity. I had energy and interest in doing things. And I felt happy. It was awesome, and it gave me hope.

Then, I dropped off the ledge again this week. (I hate this roller coaster.) My husband is having a really hard time coping with the ups and downs and knowing how to communicate with me about it without making me feel even worse. He has a hard time talking about his frustration when there isn't an obvious target (a person or thing) - he ends up making me feel like the target of his frustration or anger, even though that's not his aim. He just doesn't have a proper target, and I have a tendency to internalize his emotions. The combination is bad, making me feel like I'm responsible for his frustration and anger...and to an extent I think that's not far off the mark (at least, my condition is responsible for a lot of that).

I'm wondering, and he has asked me, whether arranging a session, or a few, with my T to work on this would be useful? Can my husband get coping strategies out of that, or is it a futile effort? He doesn't like feeling helpless or like he can't solve it - and that's exactly the end result of dealing with BP.

Any out there have experience or advice to offer?

[Coconutzo]

My t who is also a couples counselor has suggested that I bring him in, but I haven't had the balls to do it yet!
Seems like a good idea but I'm scared of the vulnerability

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I just started family counseling and bring my youngest son (16) and my husband. My oldest son who is 19 also plans to go in the future. I feel therapy can help everyone and when you have a loved one with mental illness, you need additional support. I'm happy with how the counseling is going so far (only 2 visits). We go every 2 weeks.

[wiretwister]

I want too ... my T wants it also ... but the wife is not so sure ... hides behind the "work" excuse ....

[Victoria'smom]

My husband has his own t but he's gone in with me to talk about my ED or if I'm to sick to communicate.

[Row Jimmy]

Yes my wife comes all the time to my meetings with my p-doc. I want her to hear what he has to say and I want her to be part of the solution. For me, it's a win/win.

[BipolarMama31]

My husband comes to every therapy and pdoc appointment.
He is able to give an outsiders point of view on my moods or actions. He is in the loop on what meds i need to take and can help monitor at home.
He is my rock throughout this process and im so so so beyond grateful he is so willing to come and ask questions and learn and talk about concerns in a safe place.

I strongly believe my illness isnt hurting our marriage or our kids because of the help im getting and the education hes getting.

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[BeyondtheRainbow]

My mom came with me once because my therapist wanted to try to get her to understand the depths of danger in my suicidal ideation. She was pretty resentful of him before and after for a long time and didn't really listen well but now she likes him again after she saw what he does when I am very ill and she lived through months of suicidal ideation with me. It helped him to understand how resistant she is to certain things (just denial) and that there are things she just can't handle.

It was very hard for me to do that and I only agreed because I had signed a consent form and if I didn't agree he was going to call her and at least I could be there for an in-person session (and he validly was concerned, not being a bully as that may sound). I even had him do the session in another office because his office is my safe place.

I guess I'm glad we did it but it was hard.

[LacunaCoiler]

My wife goes with me to both pdoc and therapy appts. She has a very strong understanding of my illness and has a very good feel for when something is wrong with me and can give my doc/therapist a prospective that I can't. She also asks a lot of questions that I never thought about before and she obviously has my best interest at heart.

She comes to my therapist appts because I like her to know what I'm working on with my therapist. Also, we've covered/worked out issues in our relationship. We've working on fighting, compromising, looking at the others prospective, etc. Also, it gives us a safe place to bring up things that are bothering us (things in general or about each other) in a safe place with a none biased 3rd party.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I just realized it's been days since I was online here; I feel like I posted this just last night.

Thanks to all of you who gave me your experience. I'm still wavering. I don't go to my T regularly anymore, so it would be a special scenario just for my husband and I to work on some specific issues. I guess I'm worried because I feel like we have different issues we're concerned with - I've mentioned what I'm concerned about to him, but it has to do with him and his challenge with communicating anger/frustration. He doesn't seem to want to deal with that. He's more concerned with working on where my mind/heart goes during depression - I feel like he wants some answers about how to 'fix' that.

So I'm not really sure there's much point to going. He wants to avoid dealing with his expression of anger/frustration, and there's really not a 'fix' for BP or depression (he doesn't mind the hypo at all). So I have no idea why we would even go at that point...I guess I'm trying to figure out whether him hearing from someone else (a professional) that there's no 'fix' and that directing his anger/frustration about that at me is the opposite of helpful would be a possibility. And whether, if that were pointed it, it would make a difference in our dynamic or not.

Pondering...

[Rjaye]

Maybe the therapist can help you two work out goals for both of you. I know that when I'm depressed, I am so down there's nothing that can be said that would help, so I really understand your stance. I can also understand his stance, but he does need to understand the disease better. I think if he understands what you go through better, he can find ways to deal with his frustration better and express it without making you feel even worse.

I think a couple's visit to the therapist is a good idea for focusing goals.

[BipolarMama31]

In my opion, the education alone, from a professional would be beneficial.

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[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

You're probably right. I'm just naturally an avoidant person. I also hate having to spend so much money on it. I'm also spending a pretty penny on some physical issues that I just maxed out my health insurance max on - so now I'm having to pay out of pocket for that for the rest of the calendar year. A couple of house issues, and I feel like I just can't afford to spend on either more physical care or the cost of additional therapy.

Did I mention I like to avoid things like this?

[~Christina]

My husband has gone 2 times in the last 5 years.

Both times were very much needed.

I personally can't imagine him going every visit

I think if he literally heard in detail what I deal with at times it would scare him and he would be ridiculously worried about me day and night.

I make Bipolar as small a part of my marriage and daily life as possible.

I agreed long long ago that if my husband felt he needed to let my T know anything that he could indeed call. It has never happened because I don't hold things back in T..

My personal view is if you cant be honest with your T and be working towards goals you have set why bother going..

Therapy is hard .. if its not I don't think its being done right. JMHO

I have taken my husband to therapy just once.