[Anxiousvalkyrie]

As some of you know I have an identical twin sister. For most of our lives we have been vastly different until a few years back I went to visit her (she lives in Arizona) and all of her friends loved me. Since that time she has slowly and steadily been (for lack of a better way to put it) stealing my identity. Everything she used to make fun of me for...the way I dress, my tattoos, my taste in movies and music, my hobbies ect are now her favorite things and she's going around telling people she's the one that got me interested in those things. This infuriates me. It's becoming very 'single white female'...my favorite book is now her favorite book, my favorite movie, band ect....she even took a tattoo design I had told her I was planning on getting and got it herself...

I've tried mentioning that this bothers me to my mother but she doesn't see it as my sister copying everything I do and tells me 'not to be so sensitive'. Unfortunately with my current mania my anger towards this situation is becoming explosive and I'm afraid I'm going to totally snap on my sister soon. It is really causing me a severe amount of stress and I don't know how to deal with it. I know my reaction is amplified because of my current state of mania but she just makes me want to punch my fist through a wall all the time. I really don't know what to do about it. Talking to my mother has proved fruitless and if I question my sister about it she's got to run to my mother and tell her I'm being a b****.

Even before this manic episode started this was bothering me to a great extent and now I just can't stand it anymore. I don't know what to do.

I know how you feel. I have a sister, but we're not twins. We're 8 years apart.

She likes to buy the same things as I do, then tells me I'm copying her, or she'll say something along the lines of "I look better in them anyway". For example, I'll buy a pair of Converses, and a month later, she'll do the same. Then when she sees my Converses, "yeah I hate that color", even though they're the classic black&white. Clearly she copied me, though... The she has the audacity to imply "yeah well.., mine are better!"

I tell her that she's stupid. Then she basically cries.

Oh and another thing... If I buy something that SHE wants, she goes ballistic. "WHY DID YOU BUY THAT? YOU KNOW I WANTED THAT." First of all, she NEVER tells me what she does and doesn't want to buy. Whenever I do ask her, she says "none of your business". So, she thinks I'm trying to copy her! What a load of horseshit!

Tell me about it.

Siblings are a pain in the ass, aren't they?

You could try copying her to piss her off. Basically, give her a taste of her own medicine. It pisses off my sister when I do that, and the funny thing is, I don't even do it on purpose

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I got super pissed off this morning because I woke up and went on Facebook and she'd posted like 100 pictures from a weekend trip she took. I have this vintage cameo necklace that I wear almost everyday and have for a really long time....well....in her photos I jot iced she had a necklace on almost exactly like mine. Similar cameo in an almost identical setting. I asked her where she got it and she said she had someone make it for her....it's a resin cast. I was so pissed......it sent me into a rage today that I haven't recovered from.

My sister is like Yours...if by accident I purchase something she had wanted she goes ballistic....it's insane.

Yeah, that's really stupid of her. I can totally see my sister doing the same thing.

I'd be pissed off too, so I can't blame you for feeling that way. She's such a hypocrite and a liar like my sister. My sister will never admit to copying me unless she gets cornered

I've tried asking my sister why she does this, but she always says "no, I don't do that! Stop lying! You're the one who does it!!!" So, yeah... tooooootally in denial.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Our sisters sound like the same person!

Yep

I was going to say that our sisters would probably be best friends... but then I realized they'd probably try to kill each other

Oh, and here's the funny thing... Last month we were in a sports store together and she saw a black Under Armour hoodie with some lettering on it. She says to me, "Emily has this one." (FYI, Emily is her best friend.) I said, "Yeah, so you probably don't want it then?" Then she says, "Nah, I want it. I'm just going to buy it anyway." I said, "Don't you think she might get upset?" She says, "Probably, but I like it."

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Nice. Sounds like something my sister would do.

She's never had a personality or interest of her own in her life. She's always followed and copied someone for as long as I can remember. Being twins there has always be a struggle for me to kind of be my own person instead of one half of 'the Twins'. I know other twins who are exactly alike in every way and perfectly happy about it, but I've never been that way. I was always the 'quirky' and 'eccentric' one and now I feel like she's taking that away from me. She even dyed her hair pink like mine about a month ago but she got in trouble with her employer and had to dye it back. She's also in the habit of telling me how 'amazing it is we are turning out to be so much alike' and I'm like 'b**** we are only alike because you copy everything I do.'

That's funny she got in trouble for the pink hair! Serves her right!

I can imagine it's annoying when she says it's "amazing" that you're so much alike. It sounds like she wants you to be twins in every way, but then you want your own identity. Conflicting interests.

I suppose you could ask her if that's what she wants -- for you to be twins. You obviously don't want to be her twin for the rest of your life (and I can't blame you... I'd want my own identity too)... but it sounds like she does, even if she won't outright admit to it.

Personally, I would just be blunt about it. I would tell my sister that twins don't have to be alike in every way.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I called her out on it about six months ago. Long story short.....Motörhead is one of my all time favorite bands,mand my sister has always hated them. I was understandably quite upset when Lemmy Kilmister died this past December....well....she made a HUGE deal about it on Facebook saying she was devastated ect..and I called her out on her hypocrisy publicly on her post (which she quickly deleted btw)...and then texted her and asked why it was so important that she love everything I love and if it she felt we should be alike since we are twins. She exploded on me and told me that she wasn't trying to be like me and that I 'dont know anything about her' so how could I know whether or not she was a Motörhead fan ect and completely ignored my questions. Later that evening I got an angry message from my mother because my sister had called her saying I was being horrible to her.

Yeah, that's so stupid! My sister also b*tches to my mom when she doesn't get her way or when she's caught lying. She always tells my mom that I'm "being mean"... And of course, she tells my mom some half-assed story of what happened.

Like your sister, she does the same thing... She openly tells me she doesn't like something, but later on when something happens, she suddenly "cares". Then when I tell her, "I thought you didn't care?", she goes b*tching to my mom that I'm "being mean again". I know THAT all too well

Sounds like your sister is being such a b*tch to you. It seems like she's so desperate to be your twin and she gets upset that you don't want her to be. (Again, I can't blame you for wanting your own identity.)

Have you talked to your mom about her -- like the fact you want your own identity and she won't let you have it? It sounds like your sister is feeding her a lot of b*llshit and that your mom is getting a very one-sided story. I suppose there's nothing you can do to stop your sister from copying you, but maybe your mom can help settle the problem?

FYI, I tried telling my mom about her copying me, and she said, "Oh, just let her. It makes her happy! She's not hurting you."

Grrr

So I'm not sure if talking to your mom will help, but it might work?

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

FYI, I tried telling my mom about her copying me, and she said, "Oh, just let her. It makes her happy! She's not hurting you."

Grrr

So I'm not sure if talking to your mom will help, but it might work?

Oh my god....my mom said the EXACT same thing.

I've tried talking to her about it multiple times and she doesn't see a problem. Her favorite thing to say is 'you two live 9,000 miles away from each other why does it matter'...or 'you should be flattered'. I'm not flattered, I'm annoyed, and my mom thinks I'm being petty. I know my sister feeds her a lot of BS....sometimes when I start complaining about her copying me my mom starts talking about how it 'devastated' my sister when I moved to Europe and I should cut her break because it's hard for her. Which I know is a load of crap. We lived on opposite coasts in the US and my sister was the one who moved away first.

[st0psign]

I've got a sister 2 years younger than me (I'm 26) a few years back I moved to an apartment in Pittsburgh with her, and I lived about an hour away at the time. that lasted all of six months, big time manic blow out.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

How often do you interact with her? Call her? Message her? When I finally realized that my siblings' behavior toward me wasn't in my control, but the amount of time and head space I gave them was, it got a lot better. Different issues, but I stopped calling them, stopped trying so hard to make visits work, etc. I dropped the rope, essentially. I let calls go to voicemail and only returned them if I felt like it. I sent email to a separate folder from my inbox so that I could check on it when I felt like it, but wasn't pressured to do it right away. I let go of the idea that I had to be super close with them just because we are siblings.

It has gotten a TON better. The less head space I give them, the calmer I am. When we talk now, it's peaceful. When we visit, I still get upset sometimes over some things, but I've also decided to just be in charge of myself and my family. If I need space or a break, I take one. I also limit how much time I spend with them on visits. That way I don't have enough exposure to get really worked up.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I've actually tried to serous restrict my contact with her. My T and I both agreed a while back that it was in my best interest to do so. I don't ever call her initiate text conversations with her. I don't even like or comment on her Facebook posts.

The problem is...she is constantly contacting me. She texts me all the time, comments on everything I post on social media (which has led me to quit posting very often) and things like that. If I don't answer she starts texting me incessantly until I answer, and if I continue to ignore her she calls my mom and works her into s frenzy that something must be wrong with me so she will contact me to find out why I'm not responding.

I've told my mom I need space from her becaus it's hard for me to cope with the stress she causes me and her default response is 'oh she just cares about you, you can't cut her off'...and then I get the guilt about moving to Europe and 'leaving her behind'.

So despite my current efforts I can't seem to cut communications, even though I know it's in my best interest.

[Marylin]

My sister was a narcissist,is still a narcissist ,I cut her out of my life for a year and a half now.I reckon she got confused identity wise when I was born.She spent most of our childhood looking at pictures of me as a child and claiming they were pictures of her.

Later when I went to university she started stealing my identity and interests,basically whatever I was into she copied,music,books,politics,she stole my hobbies and used my brain and picked from it to further her own cause of bagging herself a husband.

When I came back from uni ill she had joined all the local political campaign groups I would have wanted to go to and banned me from attending.

She once tried to say she was the one done a photography course I had attended so she could keep photos I took and developed.

She lied about things her whole life,stuff I succeeded in she claimed credit for.At one time she took over my whole identity.

I found out much later when she tried to kill me, drive me to suicide,that she was a narcissist,in my case her motive was money,to inherit my home.

However what I found out about narcissists is they are empty inside, they don't know how to feel,they have no emotions or identity of their own so they steal from and copy others.

They copy their interests and hobbies and they copy them when they show emotions,so they fake love, they fake sorrow,they fake empathy,they fake caring and concern,they fake pretty much all emotions that make us human,they watch real people do it and they copy.

They need us to copy from,give them the goods,we provide their fix and they use us for what they need.

As well as sibling rivalry,narcissists are always jealous,competitive and predatory, when we have sisters who are narcissists we are dealing in danger.

Narcissist will bleed you dry and their ultimate aim is to destroy you to bring about your death in my sisters case to replace me with her by ridding me off the face of the earth was her intention.

I hope this helps those of you who need it to see if your sister problems are as serious as mine were!Marylin

[Marylin]

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

I've actually tried to serous restrict my contact with her. My T and I both agreed a while back that it was in my best interest to do so. I don't ever call her initiate text conversations with her. I don't even like or comment on her Facebook posts.

The problem is...she is constantly contacting me. She texts me all the time, comments on everything I post on social media (which has led me to quit posting very often) and things like that. If I don't answer she starts texting me incessantly until I answer, and if I continue to ignore her she calls my mom and works her into s frenzy that something must be wrong with me so she will contact me to find out why I'm not responding.

I've told my mom I need space from her becaus it's hard for me to cope with the stress she causes me and her default response is 'oh she just cares about you, you can't cut her off'...and then I get the guilt about moving to Europe and 'leaving her behind'.

So despite my current efforts I can't seem to cut communications, even though I know it's in my best interest.

I advise block her on your phone, block her on social media, change your e-mail addresses and phone numbers if you have to,make sure she has no way to communicate with you and have no real communication if you can!Tell your mum you are doing it and don't want to know your sister or her issues and that she is a drain on your energy and if she calls mum to say something is wrong cos sis won't answer tell mum to ignore her.Cut her off no matter what your mum says and don't feel guilty ,if your mum says you can't cos she cares ,tell mum tough cos I don't care about my little sis anymore!Honestly it will happen eventually ,you may as well get the relief straight away instead of suffer by the time you realize this ***** is out to drain you of all energy!

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

I've actually tried to serous restrict my contact with her. My T and I both agreed a while back that it was in my best interest to do so. I don't ever call her initiate text conversations with her. I don't even like or comment on her Facebook posts.

The problem is...she is constantly contacting me. She texts me all the time, comments on everything I post on social media (which has led me to quit posting very often) and things like that. If I don't answer she starts texting me incessantly until I answer, and if I continue to ignore her she calls my mom and works her into s frenzy that something must be wrong with me so she will contact me to find out why I'm not responding.

I've told my mom I need space from her becaus it's hard for me to cope with the stress she causes me and her default response is 'oh she just cares about you, you can't cut her off'...and then I get the guilt about moving to Europe and 'leaving her behind'.

So despite my current efforts I can't seem to cut communications, even though I know it's in my best interest.

Oh god. The more and more you talk about your sister, the more I'm reminded about mine...

My sister does the same exact sh*t. Drives me f*cking nuts!

I've sort of handled the situation by giving her 1-word responses in text. For example, she might say, "OMG DID YOU SEE MY POST ON FACEBOOK? ISN'T IT SO CUTE?" then I'll say "yes". Or if she says "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY NEW PURSE?" then I'll say "nice".

Pisses her off to no end.