Spiralling

For the last few months I have been in a mild mixed state. Irritation, euphoria, agitation and strange thoughts. In the last few days my mood has tanked but I am even more irritated and agitated that before. My T says it is a mixed episode and we are hoping this doesn't worsen. However since yesterday I have been struggling to function and am barely managing to work three days a week. I find my work atmosphere (in a big retail warehouse) freaks me out due to all the colours and sounds. The pressures of work are even becoming unmanageable and I am close to calling in sick for tomorrow. But I really don't want to as I took a lot of time of between December and February from my last bad episode. Another area of concern is an increase in suicidal ideation (no plan). I am also using pot and alcohol a lot to manage my symptoms but it is not helping. I want to get through this without taking time off work or being hospitalised but don't know how. Is hospitalisation inevitable when the ground falls out from beneath you?

I always thought so but I managed to get through a really severe depression (suicidal with plan and self injury) without being hospitalized this year. However I did go to partial hospital program to give me more support.

Hugs for you! We're all here for you. I hope you feel better soon!

No hospitalization is not always necessary but both your T and pdoc have to know.

I was in a mixed state last fall, suicidal, plan, supplies. I was having difficulty functioning at work as well and went on leave. No hospitalization but I was in IOP for two months.

Thanks for the replies everyone! I am struggling but still functioning, barely. I am going into work today and just hope it isn't too much for me; the pressure, lights, sounds, interacting with customers and need for a good memory. I don't quite feel like I am in reality. It is weird. If things are still bad I will call my T tomorrow (Monday) and discuss options which may involve calling my pdoc. I am still hoping this will pass on its own, or with the current meds i have but am scared it is here to stay. It feels so oppressing and I'm getting paranoid. I am stopping smoking pot as a starter which may help. I am exercising as well. Just feel so weird right now. It scares me.

This mixed episode is only worsening. Had to leave work early today and feel VERY agitated and weird. Will sleep on it and call my T if this worsens tomorrow. I long for this to pass. It is pure torture.

I have managed through many episodes, I was very high functioning until recently. It's possible to stay out of the hospital if you have a strong support system. I had round the clock access to a care giver and was not left alone. Do you have a strong support system in place?

Don't beat yourself up for missing work. It will only further feed into feelings of shame and guilt and that is not good. Accept that you need this time to take care of yourself. (((Hugs)))

As my psychiatrist, and many psychologists say mixed episodes is the most severe and most dangerous Bipolar episode. I have been through them many, many times. I hope they manage to find something that works for you during this time.

And here is a link with more explanation for treatments:
Mixed Bipolar Disorder ? How to Treat Mixed Mood Episodes | Bipolar Burble Blog | Natasha Tracy

I hope this helps you a little bit.

Thanks for your concern and input. I have my Mum to support me and watch me if needed. I jut don't want to stress her out but i guess being suicidal will do that anyway. She is coming over today and I may go back to her place if needed. I sent a text to my T and hopefully he will respond soon with some sound advice. Feeling this way, I may end up in hospital whether I like it or not.

I am sorry that you are spiraling......
wish it were easier for you.
((((((HUGS))))))

I think Intensive outpatient therapy might help you IOP.
bizi

My T responded and said to go to hospital so I am trying to get an admission now.

It is good that you are willing to accept help.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
You will be safe there.
Please be kind to yourself.

What bizi said ^^^^^^

Well I am IP now, waiting to see my psychiatrist. Feel scared, not sure why. I have been IP here before. Just hope they can help me. I am in a bad way right now. Drowning.

I want to say,,at least your safe. But that sound so silly, there's so many kinds of safe...and yeah hospitals do safe in one way but not others.....so many I just say may it be a good experience this time round. Made they be able to help even out the irritatableness enough that you won't need to be there long. Best of luck.

Saw my psychiatrist. He thinks the pot has triggered a mixed episode and I might also have some PTSD stuff coming though. He has me on higher doses of Clonazepam and Zyprexa to try and calm me down. I really hope it works. I am in despair, wondering how I am going to get along in this world with these illnesses that rob me of a normal life. I can't even study right now so how am I going to get through the next 2 years of my degree?? Meds help but make me gain weight. Another reason for despair. Everything seems hopeless. Suicide crosses my mind often but I remind myself of my family and how much I am loved so I try to stay strong. At least I have internet access. Surfing is a good distraction. Sorry to be so negative but I cannot see through the dark cloud I am in. I am lost. My doctor was extremely supportive and encouraging which helped a lot. I am just going to knuckle down and wait for this to pass.