[LadyShadow]

Hello everyone!

I haven't posted or been on this site for some time. I guess I have been kind of lost. I was hospitalized in January after being stable for 7 years and it really rocked my boat. I guess I am here now today, looking for answers. I am looking for some gleam of hope out there that someone understands what I am going through.

I am on the wrong side of 36 years old next month, with no clue of what I want to do with my life. I guess I always wanted to write but I always start something and never finish it. I am notorious for that. i just need or want something to do! Forget about guys and dating because that has been an absolute nightmare. The thing is I don't think I need someone to fill the void, I think it all starts with me.

So the question I am asking is, to those of you who suffer from bipolar or any other mental health issue, where do you see your life going? How do you get up in the morning and know exactly what you're gonna do? What is your purpose in life? I am searching for mine. I want to be more than I am.

[wiretwister]

by asking you have started ... that is the first step .... you are exactly right ... you must start with yourself first ... my self at the current time ...I am surviving ... someday soon I hope to start living again ... or maybe for the first time ... I really am not sure .... could I suggest starting journeling ... helps me to see where I have been and gives you a handle on where you might go ... good for writers block too .... good luck ... Tigger .

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

by asking you have started ... that is the first step .... you are exactly right ... you must start with yourself first ... my self at the current time ...I am surviving ... someday soon I hope to start living again ... or maybe for the first time ... I really am not sure .... could I suggest starting journeling ... helps me to see where I have been and gives you a handle on where you might go ... good for writers block too .... good luck ... Tigger .

Thank you so much! I have a blog that I used to keep that I hadn't written on in 6 months. I wrote on it today and I felt so much better. I do hope you start living again soon, time just flies by. I am starting to realize that. Being bipolar its tough, we can't seem to break free from being stuck. Being stuck is like a common theme for most people. But I hope we both make it. I really do.

Thanks and good luck to you too!!

XX PH

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I have the exact same problem. I am 35 years old, so we are close to the same age. I always have a million ideas of what I want to do....but doing it always ends up being a problem. I studied cultural anthropology in university...now I want to go back and get my PHd in either religion or archeology but the thought of actually doing it scares me to death. The other part of my personality wants to open a vintage clothing business (one of my passions) or start making and selling corsets and custom costumes like I used to years ago. But I can't make myself do it. I don't even make clothes for myself anymore. I have all these skills that I just don't use.

So I totally understand what you're going through. I have a million things I want to do but not enough drive or energy to do them.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

I have the exact same problem. I am 35 years old, so we are close to the same age. I always have a million ideas of what I want to do....but doing it always ends up being a problem. I studied cultural anthropology in university...now I want to go back and get my PHd in either religion or archeology but the thought of actually doing it scares me to death. The other part of my personality wants to open a vintage clothing business (one of my passions) or start making and selling corsets and custom costumes like I used to years ago. But I can't make myself do it. I don't even make clothes for myself anymore. I have all these skills that I just don't use.

So I totally understand what you're going through. I have a million things I want to do but not enough drive or energy to do them.

I totally know what this is! You happen to have a lot going for you than I ever did. I never fully went to college, and all I know how to do is a pitifully boring job. I don't have any real skills except writing. But do not fear you are not alone! Thank you for posting and keeping my spirits up. I really needed it today.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

It's so hard sometimes but know you're not alone. I have all this what my dad calls 'useless trivia knowledge' in my head that I don't know what to do with. Getting a PHd would just be fulfilling a quest for knowledge. Not sure what I would actually do with it. I could be a professor or teach high school religion but I'm not sure I'm fit for either of those jobs.

As for sewing and design....it used to be my passion. I loved it so much. I've been seeing since I was like 10 years old (my grandmother was a seamstress) and now it kind of feels like a chore. I hate that it feels like that. It's kind of crushing to lose interesting something I loved so much. I also collect vintage clothing, and lately even going diving through second hand shops and vintage stores (one of my all time favorite past times) is taxing on me.

Hopefully things will get better for both of us. Hugs.

Well after I had my back surgery and shortly after that the psychosis I kinda quit living. I hope to get driving again, lose weight, start volunteering. If I can manage that, then I hope to go back to college, get an administrative degree and start working again. I'm 41.

[JustJace2u]

I was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder w/ severe depression. I can relate in that, at 42 years of age, I'm not really sure what to do with my life. Having a discussion with my brother earlier, who is 5 years younger than me and will be starting a job in a few weeks making significantly more $$$, has really made me question my purpose.

I'm 41 and I've felt this way for years now. When my physical health took a dive, my mental health went on a bumpier roller coaster ride. Getting back to something which resembles me is very difficult. Finding interest in something, being able to focus on a task or watch a tv show for longer than 10 minutes at a time. I used to paint, and sing, and dance. Now I wallow, exist almost without existing. It's hard to look back at who I used to be, because at times it was so much better, and at times so much worse. I try to focus on the now and it's helping me through the days.

[gina_re]

Life was chaos for me years ago, which I'm sure many of you can relate to. I was jumping from job to job in hopes of making more money, but they were all without purpose for me. My sister told me she was pregnant back in late 2008 and I was in complete shock, but it kind of gave me a kick in the butt. I re-enrolled in school to finally complete my degree I started so many years ago. I finally graduated in 2012 and my nephew was able to come to my graduation. Prior to him being born, I felt I had no purpose in life. What's the point? But he gave me some reason to live. Someone that looks up to me. And now I have the job I love and can hopefully retire here. At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason and you never know when things will turn around.
Personally for me, I wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish bit by bit. I didn't have them all at once, but as I accomplished each one, I had another one to reach. Being able to see it in writing makes a big difference, because then you know what you want to work towards.
I'm not sure if this answers anything, but I truly wish you the best in your future plans, goals, and wishes. Take care.

Oh yea, I'm 33..

[raspberrytorte]

I'm 33. Life really hasn't gone the way I had planned. I'd expected to have more accomplished by now. I've been working towards being successful with my writing, as in having books published by now, but I feel like life and MI keeps on getting in my way. I feel like I've spent huge chunks of time being messed up and unable to accomplish anything. It's really sucky. But I just have to keep trying. I dropped out of college halfway through to focus on my writing. Now the only skills I have are writing and being able to cut fruits and vegetables really well. Sigh. Neither get me very far.

[dwfieldjr]

Well I don't know what my purpose is in life been trying to figure that out for a long time as nothing really interests me. I have a job I've been working for over a decade now. Sometimes I think about packing up and heading north.

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[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I'm 41 and I've felt this way for years now. When my physical health took a dive, my mental health went on a bumpier roller coaster ride. Getting back to something which resembles me is very difficult. Finding interest in something, being able to focus on a task or watch a tv show for longer than 10 minutes at a time. I used to paint, and sing, and dance. Now I wallow, exist almost without existing. It's hard to look back at who I used to be, because at times it was so much better, and at times so much worse. I try to focus on the now and it's helping me through the days.

My life has always been a roller coaster because of a birth defect I was born with. That being said, a little over 6 years ago my life pretty much did a 180 after a major car crash that landed me in the hospital for almost a month. My roller coaster ride just got bumpier and took off without warning. It's pretty much been downhill with lots of twists and turns since then.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm 33. Life really hasn't gone the way I had planned. I'd expected to have more accomplished by now. I've been working towards being successful with my writing, as in having books published by now, but I feel like life and MI keeps on getting in my way. I feel like I've spent huge chunks of time being messed up and unable to accomplish anything. It's really sucky. But I just have to keep trying. I dropped out of college halfway through to focus on my writing. Now the only skills I have are writing and being able to cut fruits and vegetables really well. Sigh. Neither get me very far.

That's two skills you have on me! I have no skills in the kitchen, and I'm not the best at writing unless it's academic. Don't be so hard on yourself. And you have a child that looks up to you. I admire what mother's have to go through.

Justjace, I'm so sorry for all you are going through. My heart aches for you. I wish I had proper words to comfort you. (((Hugs)))

[cincidak]

I'm 45 and I'm finally stable for the first time in my life. I've been stable for nine months. I decided to go back to school and get my radiology degree. It's going to take me two years, but I feel excited. I believe I can do it. I have a five year plan now. I wish I'd been stable years ago, but life happens at its own pace.

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[raspberrytorte]

Gina - That's so nice of you! Thanks.