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#1
May 28, 2016, 10:11 AM
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I've been pacing all morning, just freaking out and agitated and raging and I don't know how I'm going to make it through work today without going off on someone. I just don't know how I'm going to do it! I have no control over the things that come out of my mouth right now. That's what it feels like! I was up all night just pacing. I'm ****ing losing my mind! I thought I'd feel better if I got enough sleep so I made myself watch a show at two in the morning but I couldn't concentrate on it, and eventually I fell asleep around three or so, and I woke up at ****ing five thirty!!!
And I called my husband this morning freaking out and just raging and I couldn't stop talking and finally he said, "Shut up. You are manic right now. I can tell because you're agitated, angry, can't stop pacing, you're racing, you aren't sleeping enough, you're writing a lot, you're having mild delusions, you NEED TO CALL YOUR DOCTOR ON TUESDAY." But I don't want to call my doctor on tuesday because I'm worried she's going to be like, "YOU NEED TO GO ON AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC", and I'm going to say I don't want to go on an antipsychotic and I'm worried she's going to court order me and I'll have to which is a stupid thing to worry about because I'm not on probation right now and could go off all my meds if I wanted to and there has to be something I could take for this agitation that isn't an AP though I don't know what! Oh my god. Okay. Deep breaths. I can do this. I WILL NOT FREAK OUT AT ANYONE AT WORK TODAY!!!!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
 1278, Anonymous45023, cashart10, Gabyunbound, gina_re, Hashi/bipolar mom, NoIdeaWhatToDo
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#2
May 28, 2016, 10:18 AM
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I am not going on anything that's going to **** with my creativity!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#3
May 28, 2016, 10:20 AM
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aterax, benzos, Increasing your mood stablizer. Are you willing to do a PRN anti psychotic? like a week. Deep breaths in 4 sec, in hold for 4 sec, out 4 sec., hold 4 sec. repeat. Can you take the rest of the day off? So you can rest.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#4
May 28, 2016, 10:23 AM
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Lamictal helped with my irritability, but I think you're on the max dose of 400?
For me, my antipsychotic did/does nothing for my irritability. You could look into an additional anticonvulsants that are similar to Lamictal if you really don't want an antipsychotic. |
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#5
May 28, 2016, 10:41 AM
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I would call in but it's memorial day weekend and they'd be ****ed if I called it but I really want to because I'm worried I'm going to get my *** fired!
Yeah. I'm on 400mg lamictal and 2400mg gabapentin. I'd be willing to go on a benzo temporarily because those don't mess with my creativity but I think my doctor is a benzo nazi like my last one and will give me one option AP! I'm ****ed!!! Okay. Deep breaths. Thanks for the responses.
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#6
May 28, 2016, 10:55 AM
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My heart goes out to you, I've had the same dilemma. I'll know I'm supposed to take more seroquel (antipsychotic) when I get like that, but sitting there useless with my brain numb (and my face, and everything else). It always ends up being worth it to me, though.
I hope you can find something that gives you the right balance. I agree taking the rest of the day off and resting sounds good. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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▽VII△VIII |
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#7
May 28, 2016, 11:20 AM
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Quote:
 (I didn't realize at the time... He told me afterwards on our next appointment. lol.)If you called, you wouldn't be as bad as me... I don't think they'll be too pissed |
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#8
May 28, 2016, 11:33 AM
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Have you taken hydroxyzine with the gabapentin? My hospital uses the combination for anxiety and claims it is really successful. Personally the gabapentin is great for me and hydroxyzine knocks me out if I take more than just a little but the combination was really helpful when I was coming off seroquel/going on clozaril and was terribly anxious. I preferred that combination to taking my PRN klonopin.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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#9
May 28, 2016, 11:35 AM
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I take hydroxyzine with gabapentin and it works really well to calm me down.
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#10
May 28, 2016, 11:49 AM
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I used to feel as you do about APs but now I wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China. I've considered going off everything just because it's what I do from time to time but I'm too stable to want to risk it. Are you on antidepressants? Sometimes they can cause iritatabily in BP folks.
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
 bizi
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#11
May 28, 2016, 12:01 PM
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No. I'm just on gabapentin and lamictal. I've been on lamictal looooooong time and gabapentin for a year in october. I was on hydroxyzine during clonazepam "taper" nightmare but it didn't work though during that time you would have had to give me something that would sedate a rhino to calm me down though I've never been on gabapentin and hydroxyzine which may help. Thanks for advice!
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#12
May 28, 2016, 12:05 PM
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God I would never go on an AD. **** no! lol
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#13
May 28, 2016, 12:16 PM
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Hmmm. I understand about losing creativity. I had to make a choice however for my health and for those around me.
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#14
May 28, 2016, 12:23 PM
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Okay, going in. Wish me luck!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Nammu
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#15
May 28, 2016, 01:32 PM
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Good luck!
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#16
May 28, 2016, 01:53 PM
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good luck tell us how it goes.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#17
May 28, 2016, 01:59 PM
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And?
I wanted to say: take an antipsychotic. When manic, everything's the best thing you've ever done. You need to be creative but still know what people would like to read and be a good critic. So take an antipsychotic.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
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#18
May 28, 2016, 02:02 PM
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Oh man
 . You don't sound too great hun. I'm glad you're at the doc now though! I understand your fear of APs but even just temporarily until you start sleeping again and aren't manic. I have risperdal for my Dysphoria and anger and it's just PRN. Risperdal is often given to people for rage etc. just what you're going through. Well let us know how it goes! ((Hugs))Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#19
May 28, 2016, 02:17 PM
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Good luck!
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#20
May 28, 2016, 04:03 PM
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Antidepressants can exacerbate mania in bipolar. I take two antipsychotics, Saphris and Geodon, and Lamictal and a low dose of Paxil
None of it has messed with my creativity. I'm happy, peaceful, and calm. I have all my emotions. I feel normal most of the time now. I'm diagnosed bipolar 1, agoraphobia, ocd, gad. All my symptoms are either gone or muted. Seroquel which I took several years ago made me emotionally flat and a zombie, it all just depends on the person We all react differently to different medications. Don't rule out antipsychotics, there are a bunch of them you could try. Sent from my SM-G925V using Tapatalk
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I'm bipolar 1, agoraphobic, ocd, and gad. Fairly happy go lucky. Prozac 20mg Geodon 80mg Saphris 10mg Lamictal 150mg All I can offer is my heartfelt honesty |
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#21
May 28, 2016, 10:58 PM
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So, I didn't freak out at anyone at work.
But I did freak out. lol! I was raging and swearing and just slamming things down, and I looked up and my two coworkers were both just standing there, staring at me with what the **** faces. It was so funny. I started laughing. I wish I would have been able to take a picture.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Nammu
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#22
May 28, 2016, 10:59 PM
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I'm normally very quiet and with a poker face all of the time.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#23
May 28, 2016, 11:03 PM
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Glad you made it through the day
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#24
May 28, 2016, 11:09 PM
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Thanks. Now for tomorrow. haha!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#25
May 29, 2016, 02:39 AM
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I must say I love the "situation" reference. Much better than "episode". I may have to copy you in real life. If you don't mind of course.
Glad the day went ok.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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