What if you're not really bipolar?!

Sometimes I almost wish I hasn't started on meds the minute I was diagnosed. That way I could have "tested" it to make sure I agreed. As if the preceding years of obvious symptoms weren't enough.

Why is it sometimes so hard to believe?

If I don't have BP, I'd be able to give a nice name to the problems I'm experiencing, I'd become famous and write lots of books about this new disorder and become rich.

That'll be great. Like people discovering new planets and new species getting the privilege to name them.

I might still do all of that when I discover the aetiologies. I'd include SZ and other schizo-things and I'd convince people to change society instead of us.

More often then not I don't think I have BP. I don't even think I get depressed, just occasionally get suicidal.

I've tougt a lot of times, and threw out my meds.

Maybe because Bipolar is just a concept and not a medically proven illness. The same goes for meds and the way they work. And they are harmful to your body in one way or another, that's why you need to answer yourself a question whether the side effects are worth it. Depends on how you act without meds (and I don't mean after not taking them for a short period of time bc then comes withdrawal, but from a much longer point of view. When coming off meds, the symptoms often seem worse than they really are, the depression feels harder to overcome etc).

Before taking an antipsychotic, I would first go for the medical tests: B12 level, thyroid function, head scan, iron levels, magnesium, liver and kidney function, check cortisol levels to see if there's any possibility that the symptoms come from another source.

I grew very vigilant with psychiatry and the topic of bipolar since they started diagnosing it on a huge scale among young children and drug them with neuroleptics so they will be bond to these meds for a lifetime, suffering from metabolic disorders, diabetes and other side effects.

I was just recently diagnosed with BP II and at first I was ok with it because I always knew there was a chance due to family history of the illness. Just in the last few days I've felt angry and disappointed, thinking 'why me?' It's bad enough God chose me to be born with a birth defect and now he slaps me in the face with this. I seriously considered swallowing my bottle of Xanax on Friday night, hoping to not wake up the next day.

I live in just about constant denial of the bipolar part of my illness(I'm schizoaffective), so yes I can relate to what you're saying. I end up thinking oh nah I don't actually have bipolar blah blah blah and I have stopped taking my medications because of that before. It ended badly every time yet my denial persists. It's all in all the most annoying thing in my mind at least for the moment.

Don't down the Xanax! Call a crisis line, your doctor or T or a close friend/family member. SO sorry you are feeling this way. It will pass. Please hang in there.

Yes, I think that all the time. I imagine that it's just certain circumstances in my life that has led me to think it reasonable to frame my experience in terms of MI.
But then I think of myself at the most extreme expression of my mania/depression. For me that is black manias, where I writhe around and punch myself in the face and chant that I want to kill myself uncontrollably.
Ugh... Makes my skin crawl even to write about it.
Or the extreme depression where it feels like my entire body is full of poisonous tar and I'm just numb and bored and full of self hatred.
And I think
I bet I do HAVE bipolar...
I'm doing good right now, and it's good for me to have to write this, cuz it reminds me of what happens when I don't take care of myself.