[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Do you ever just get so overwhelmed with the tiredness of what you have gone through in life and also adding the anguish over your mind betraying you as well? The other night my anxiety was bad and I was so tired of battling. I had my therapist appt earlier in the day. I told her with my new med cocktail, I was no longer actively suicidal, but I don't know my purpose or why I'm here. I've had two brothers die of massive heart attacks at a young age, but I'm here.

I literally went into the bathroom and sobbed and talked to myself and saying "be strong, you can do this". Have you ever talked to yourself in 3rd person as a comforting being? I felt empathy and compassion and wanted to help myself. It was really cathartic in a way.

Just curious if you guys ever do that.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Hashi: Yes, the Skeezyks' whole existence, at this point, is basically one long dirge on the theme... what went wrong & how did my life become such a train wreck? (In the words of the song: "Margaritaville", however, I'll just mention... "It's my own damn fault...") Personally I don't believe there is any purpose... no reason to be here at all. We're just here. It is what it is.

No, I can't say that I ever talk to myself in the third person. I mostly find myself telling myself I wish I would just... well... you know... I am most pleased, however, to read that you were able to show yourself this great empathy & compassion. This is to be celebrated!

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Thanks Skeezyks!

[MBM17]

I do talk to myself in third person. Usually it's, "[Self], you can do this. You're doing a good job. [Therapist] says you're doing a good job, and he knows your mind better than anyone. You're doing a good job. You can do this. You can handle this. We'll get through it. It will change. It always changes. That's the nature of bipolar." I chant it over and over to try to reassure myself.

I absolutely get so overwhelmed and tired and exhausted about having to deal with this in my life. "Why did I have to get this trial? I don't want it! I hate having bipolar! I hate how much it limits me. I give up. I can't keep going. I'm all spent. It's too much, and it's not fair. All these other people who can live their dainty lives and take care of their child and have no idea what it is like to live with this huge rhino on my back. Their worst anxious days are my pretty good days. God, why did I have to have this one? Take it back." It goes along with feelings of hopelessness and despair for me usually.

I figure I'm usually chemically low when that happens, and I know that (for me personally), thinking and talking about the negative feelings and thoughts while I"m in a chemical low only makes them worse. Because I'm chemically low, my thoughts and skills won't work to change the feelings or thoughts. I have to get myself chemically a bit higher before any of my skills will work. Therefore, when I'm really low, I choose to distract myself, usually with TV, from what's going on. That's what I do when I get thoughts like that.

It's easier to provide comfort to others than ourselves I find. I try to be compassionate with myself. Sometimes I succeed. Congratulations on finding your compassion for self and I'm very sorry about the loss of your brothers. It sounds like you have survivors guilt. (((Hugs)))

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by MBM17

I do talk to myself in third person. Usually it's, "[Self], you can do this. You're doing a good job. [Therapist] says you're doing a good job, and he knows your mind better than anyone. You're doing a good job. You can do this. You can handle this. We'll get through it. It will change. It always changes. That's the nature of bipolar." I chant it over and over to try to reassure myself.

I absolutely get so overwhelmed and tired and exhausted about having to deal with this in my life. "Why did I have to get this trial? I don't want it! I hate having bipolar! I hate how much it limits me. I give up. I can't keep going. I'm all spent. It's too much, and it's not fair. All these other people who can live their dainty lives and take care of their child and have no idea what it is like to live with this huge rhino on my back. Their worst anxious days are my pretty good days. God, why did I have to have this one? Take it back." It goes along with feelings of hopelessness and despair for me usually.

I figure I'm usually chemically low when that happens, and I know that (for me personally), thinking and talking about the negative feelings and thoughts while I"m in a chemical low only makes them worse. Because I'm chemically low, my thoughts and skills won't work to change the feelings or thoughts. I have to get myself chemically a bit higher before any of my skills will work. Therefore, when I'm really low, I choose to distract myself, usually with TV, from what's going on. That's what I do when I get thoughts like that.

I totally relate to all those feelings. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling that way and self soothing with a different voice of reason. Hugs to you!

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

It's easier to provide comfort to others than ourselves I find. I try to be compassionate with myself. Sometimes I succeed. Congratulations on finding your compassion for self and I'm very sorry about the loss of your brothers. It sounds like you have survivors guilt. (((Hugs)))

I do, because they wanted to live and didn't. They didn't have this battle and I'm the one still here! It makes no sense to me. Thanks for the hugs.

[annmaria]

I am feeling pretty much like that for a number of months. I put a post up about been emotional. I might try talking to myself as the 3rd person and be kind to myself. My therapist always tells me not to give myself a hard time. I don't give myself a hard time Bipolar gives me a hard time.

I am angry that I don't see much of the light at the end of tunnel. Or I do see too much light the on coming train. I am hoping this cycle ends soon I have had enough. My meds have been increased fingers crossed the depression will lift.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by annmaria

I am feeling pretty much like that for a number of months. I put a post up about been emotional. I might try talking to myself as the 3rd person and be kind to myself. My therapist always tells me not to give myself a hard time. I don't give myself a hard time Bipolar gives me a hard time.

I am angry that I don't see much of the light at the end of tunnel. Or I do see too much light the on coming train. I am hoping this cycle ends soon I have had enough. My meds have been increased fingers crossed the depression will lift.

Definitely give it a try especially when you are in a really bad place. I just started bawling and was overwhelmed and then I started talking to myself. It was a true comfort that I would have given to someone else if they were sitting in front of me opening up about their struggle. Sometimes we just need a good cry and be kind to ourselves. I hope your meds start working for you. Hugs.

[gina_re]

First of all, I just talk to myself in the third person just for the heck of it. It's usually so I can get myself to do something, typically chores around the house I don't want to do. And I've referred to myself in the third person in conversations, I get weird looks. I think I picked that up from my dad.

But I know where you are coming from. It definitely is extremely overwhelming when going through the fluctuations of bipolar disorder as well as the med merry go round to find something to help 'fix it all.' It's like everything takes so much more effort in life and you get to the point of "why do I even bother?" Sometimes you do have to coach yourself to be able to do the simplest of things, even if that means just getting out of bed for the day. It takes a while to recover to feel better, but as you said, "be strong, you can do this". I know you can, and you will. I'm glad you're back on the forum, please take care of yourself. You got this!!

[wildflowerchild25]

I talk to myself all the time. Especially when I feel I just can't do it anymore. It helps me to tell myself I can.

[cincidak]

I sometimes talk to myself in the third person, but normally I just talk to God. I figure he's always listening, might as well tell hi how I feel.

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[Gabyunbound]

I really needed to hear this right now. Wise words and actions. Thanks so much and best of luck to you!

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I'll do loving kindness meditations sometimes. It's hard.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by gina_re

First of all, I just talk to myself in the third person just for the heck of it. It's usually so I can get myself to do something, typically chores around the house I don't want to do. And I've referred to myself in the third person in conversations, I get weird looks. I think I picked that up from my dad.

But I know where you are coming from. It definitely is extremely overwhelming when going through the fluctuations of bipolar disorder as well as the med merry go round to find something to help 'fix it all.' It's like everything takes so much more effort in life and you get to the point of "why do I even bother?" Sometimes you do have to coach yourself to be able to do the simplest of things, even if that means just getting out of bed for the day. It takes a while to recover to feel better, but as you said, "be strong, you can do this". I know you can, and you will. I'm glad you're back on the forum, please take care of yourself. You got this!!

Thanks Gina!

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I really needed to hear this right now. Wise words and actions. Thanks so much and best of luck to you!

I'm glad that it helped you. You take care of yourself!

[Row Jimmy]

Yes, all the time. I'm tired of battling everything in my life. Everything seems to be a battle. I'm waiting for things to fall into place but I know better because everything has been a fight for me for the last 30 years. I'm trying to make a major change right now (job, location) hoping it will be a new start. I live in a very expensive, stressful part of the country where everyone is hustling hustling hustling and there doesn't seem to be any mercy to anything. I want out, I want to slow down, I want normalcy. Having BP makes me feel like I'm in a rut. I'm lucky in many ways but I don't embrace any of it. I categorically dismiss any talk of "being thankful". I just want to be.

[LadyShadow]

Yes I have talked to myself often to calm myself down, just like your situation. Especially when driving.

[Rjaye]

My ego gets in the way sometimes. I think I should be in a better place: my own house, a career, no debt, family...I beat myself up because I feel like a screw up because of my illnesses.

I also value mercy and humility, and one time during a yoga class, our instructor said something I thought was stupid in the moment, but stayed with me because I realized how deep it was: the highest form of humility is having compassion for oneself. I understood that my ego was adding to my suffering and that I had to look at myself the same way I looked at others: someone who is trying their best. That's all.

Compassion can be hard for oneself, but that saying helps me a lot.

[Unrigged64072835]

I only recently got to the place where I can start having compassion for myself. It's been helpful with some painful memories where I would feel ashamed.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Yes I have talked to myself often to calm myself down, just like your situation. Especially when driving.

I do that while driving too!

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by Rjaye

My ego gets in the way sometimes. I think I should be in a better place: my own house, a career, no debt, family...I beat myself up because I feel like a screw up because of my illnesses.

I also value mercy and humility, and one time during a yoga class, our instructor said something I thought was stupid in the moment, but stayed with me because I realized how deep it was: the highest form of humility is having compassion for oneself. I understood that my ego was adding to my suffering and that I had to look at myself the same way I looked at others: someone who is trying their best. That's all.

Compassion can be hard for oneself, but that saying helps me a lot.

Love that!

[wiretwister]

one of the wisest men I have ever read after says .... there is no meaning to life ... the meaning is what we give it ....