[cashart10]

My eyes feel heavy. My hands look cold and dead. I'm seeing things and hearing things that I'm not sure are real. I'm wishing I were well. I'm wishing I could do something. But, I'm just stuck. I'm desperately screaming and wailing inside but when I open my mouth, only the mundane escapes.

My husband is still living with me. My husband is still alive while I am dead, while he is killing me. My husband has transformed into an arrogant asshole (or he has always been one). My husband is causing so much stress that I know I will disintegrate. I know I am collapsing. I am weak. I am about to shatter.

[Skeezyks]

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Big hugs

My ex husband turned into a man I didn't even recognize when we got divorced. It's amazing how they can change seemingly overnight.

Can you stay with your parents for a while? Or friends from church?

I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. The pain is so evident. Your situation is not ideal. That man needs to leave for the sake of your sanity. Has he no humanity? Does he even care what he is doing to the mother of his children? Shame on his for his arrogance. Hopefully he gets taken down a few notches and begins to behave with more compassion.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

My ex husband turned into a man I didn't even recognize when we got divorced. It's amazing how they can change seemingly overnight.

It is quite baffling! I have never had anyone be as cruel to me as he has been. He is a bully and he thinks he can say and behave any way he pleases, blame all his misery on me. He has caused a great deal of anxiety and misery to me also. He told me a few minutes ago that if people don't see things his way, ef them because it should be clear to anyone why he is leaving.

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Can you stay with your parents for a while? Or friends from church?

I would love to stay with my parents and they would have us but I feel like it is not my responsibility to leave and that it could be harmful in court if I do leave. I just settle for staying the night here and there as I feel MUCH more secure with them. Inside, I'm desperate to stay with them. I have tryed more than I can stand of being belittled and berated...and having him not even recognize his behavior as such. I just feel like I am in an impossible situation.

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. The pain is so evident. Your situation is not ideal. That man needs to leave for the sake of your sanity. Has he no humanity? Does he even care what he is doing to the mother of his children? Shame on his for his arrogance. Hopefully he gets taken down a few notches and begins to behave with more compassion.

Thank you! He says he won't leave until he has a house lined up for himself and the kids. Since he is depending on his portion of equity in our home (which is large) and since he can't make me sell the house until the divorce is final, I don't know when the hell he will leave. My parents plan to buy the house so I can stay in anyway. He suggested I leave also but I told him I would not be the one walking out on my family. This is his responsibility.

[raspberrytorte]

He is so mean! Slap him in the face. Seriously. I hate how horrible he's being to you. Hugs.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

It's amazing how people can turn into a totally different person on the drop of a hat. It really makes you think about everyone else around you. It's scary. I've had moments like this with my bf and it hurts. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Wander]

So, so sorry you are seemingly trapped in an abusive situation. I wish I had wise words but I know nothing about the laws surrounding divorce. The stress must be immense and yet still you hold the higher ground by not sinking to his level. You should be proud of yourself. Can your Mum come over to support you while your hubby is at work. Sounds to me like you need all the support you can get right now.

I hope you can push through all this negativity in your life. Your husband sounds like an awful human being... if you can even call him a human being.

Sorry that he's treating you this way. No one deserves this sort of treatment.

Best of luck

[Wander]

This reminds me of an ancient Chinese prover that says, (to the effect) that you never really know someone till you fight them. Your husband is being himself right now...an #**hole.

[MusicLover82]

Can you leave? Just pack some bags and get the h*** OUT??? I'm sure you've thought of different options, but you also sound like you are seriously out of balance/frozen in place due to your husband. Do you have a friend who could help you make some decisions about how to GET OUT??? We want what is best for you.

[Anrea]

My first husband also changed after we agreed on an amicable solution. Some people go into a 'no holds barred' all out war, while others bend to the point of feeling broken. I bent, my ex got strong. I think they become stronger the weaker we seem.

If your parents can help you buy that home, wouldn't they be able to help you buy a different one? You may be thinking you want to own it because you have feelings of roots in it, but those roots are all wrapped up in your ex. and the dreams you two had. Sometimes, it is nice to be transplanted into fresh soil.

He might be wanting to drive you a bit batty. Find out your legal options for taking the children into a different home. You are right, you cannot leave unless it is legally safe to do so - but you can move furniture around in the house. Give him his own space, and you take your own. Move the bedrooms into boys/ girls if you can't just move you into a different room. Separate cupboards and fridge shelves. Do not cook for him, or do his laundry. You MUST release all responsibility of taking care of him. This is the same jerk that expected you to pretend everything was fine at the funeral.

Visually, and spiritually you must begin creating fresh views and surroundings in the home. You are trapped in a dead dream. Change the surroundings. Paint a room a color you like and he hates. Get his shtuff out of your bathroom. Make it appear that you are being fair though. "I gave him the big bedroom and took the small bath" - "Violet is a perfectly normal color to paint a living room".

Do NOT let the house go to a mess, and lay around crying in front of him. Do NOT trust that he isn't recording things with his phone or hacking into your personal things.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

Can you leave? Just pack some bags and get the h*** OUT??? I'm sure you've thought of different options, but you also sound like you are seriously out of balance/frozen in place due to your husband. Do you have a friend who could help you make some decisions about how to GET OUT??? We want what is best for you.

Thank you! Perhaps I can discuss this with my potential attorney. I'm not sure if there are legal repercussions for me leaving but I can imagine there will be.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Anrea

My first husband also changed after we agreed on an amicable solution. Some people go into a 'no holds barred' all out war, while others bend to the point of feeling broken. I bent, my ex got strong. I think they become stronger the weaker we seem.

If your parents can help you buy that home, wouldn't they be able to help you buy a different one? You may be thinking you want to own it because you have feelings of roots in it, but those roots are all wrapped up in your ex. and the dreams you two had. Sometimes, it is nice to be transplanted into fresh soil.

He might be wanting to drive you a bit batty. Find out your legal options for taking the children into a different home. You are right, you cannot leave unless it is legally safe to do so - but you can move furniture around in the house. Give him his own space, and you take your own. Move the bedrooms into boys/ girls if you can't just move you into a different room. Separate cupboards and fridge shelves. Do not cook for him, or do his laundry. You MUST release all responsibility of taking care of him. This is the same jerk that expected you to pretend everything was fine at the funeral.

Visually, and spiritually you must begin creating fresh views and surroundings in the home. You are trapped in a dead dream. Change the surroundings. Paint a room a color you like and he hates. Get his shtuff out of your bathroom. Make it appear that you are being fair though. "I gave him the big bedroom and took the small bath" - "Violet is a perfectly normal color to paint a living room".

Do NOT let the house go to a mess, and lay around crying in front of him. Do NOT trust that he isn't recording things with his phone or hacking into your personal things.

My mom bought me beautiful new (girly) bedding and we do plan to paint the walls to match. He should be well pleased with that.

As for not letting the house go to a mess...I've been doing that for several months. However, yesterday I had a horrible day and today I cried and I cried to my therapist. I feel like I can't get this house in order once again. I feel like I was pushing myself too hard...now I feel I am running out of stanima which I now feel is the only reason I was able to keep running anything at all. I have done well not let my tears flow in front of him but once recently, for instance, he said something so hurtful (I can't remember what was said) that I went to my bedroom to cry into a pillow. I was so upset that my husband could hear me weeping uncontrolably. He never expressed remorse if I remember correctly and took no responsibility.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I agree with what some others have said that if it's not going to hurt you legally (and really, I don't know why it would) it might be good for you to go stay somewhere else else. It will be very hard to fight the impending war against your husband if you're living in the same space. He clearly knows exactly how to tear you down and his attempts at it are just going to get worse as the divorce proceeds.

I also think it's not a bad idea to look for a new house. If your parents are willing to buy your current one surely they would help you look for a new one. Living in that house with your husband now will make the divorce much uglier because neither of you will have your own space (even if rooms are divided you will still see each other in passing) and after a divorce all the memories held in the house wil be tainted. I couldn't live in the house I shared with my ex after our divorced. We'd lived there 10 years and the smallest things would make me angry or upset after the divorce.

Sorry you are going through this.