Song

I would post the song I have become but it is a christian song which I think will perhaps will become an issue. I know that the song is written and performed by a very charismatic musician, but, I feel there are certain people who have a deeper connection to their creator and I feel like I am one of them. There are people appointed to the Lord.

It is entirely up to the Lord. For instance, if you believe in the Bible, you believe he hand picked twelve apostles who were ordinary men to mentor and teach. They received the Holy Spirit in a miraculous way.

I do not intend for this to become too spiritual and/or religious and I don't wish to debate. I guess I just need thoughts. I am stuck between believing the truth and disintegrating in a lost mind.

I am desparate. I need to feel God's hand. I need to move past the crippling hold that such fear and such awareness of insanity bring to my being and to my reality.

Please someone carry me. Tell me I am not insane. Tell me I am not mad. I feel fragile, like I could break in a word...like I could suspend time in an instant...like my life is mine to spend as I wish.

How about reading Psalm 23?

I consider Jesus to be my best friend.

When I went psychotic and delusional, almost all of it was religious themed, and terrifying at moments. I constantly think about the spirituality of what I went through vs the physical chemical imbalances that were in place. Or, possibly a mix of the two.

God does everything for a reason, but no man on earth is superior to his brother or sister. We were all created in Gods image. Jesus was the only flawless human ever to exist.

When the religious thoughts turn into grandiose thoughts, aka, that I am called to do something, I am a prophet, I am one of gods special humans, ect...that's when I will realize I am headed into delusions/psychosis again. Just try to be insightful and trust the people around you that care about you.

Thank you!

I like to light candles and say specific prayers for each candle lit. I also sometimes decorate the area around the candle, making an "altar" of sorts. Even if you do not *feel* God's presence, tell yourself He is there. Because the reality is, mental illness is an ILLUSION, not REALITY. I believe reality is goodness, love, light, happiness, joy, peace, etc. All the good stuff. The bad stuff, well, I call it an illusion. When all is said and done and we go to heaven, the bad stuff will disappear and it will have happened for our greater good somehow. Check out John 10:10. The thief, well, you can consider a source of evil or you could maybe say that is anything that you feel is against your happiness. It comes to steal, kill and destroy. But Jesus came so we could have life and have it to the full. I believe that what you are going through right now is just a season. Just a temporary illusion of lack. You'll bounce back and your life will be in reality, in happiness again.

You are so much more loved than you know. Look inward. Try some meditation or time of deep prayer and gratitude and ask your heart what God would say. God is Love. He will only give loving answers.

Blessing.

The Christians I've known in my life all believed as you do. Some people have extreme faith. As long as you are not plotting harm towards yourself or others, you are not insane in my book. I don't see the harm but I don't know your full story or what you do in the name of religion. The Christian community is strong and you should be able to make some prayer friends who have strong religious feelings like yours. Some churches speak in tongues on the regular. Most of the population in the US is some form of Christian. You are ok I think. Just let your doctor know what is going on for you and keep you and the kids safe.

P.S. Speaking of Christian music, check out my favorite Christian band, Watermark. Some of my favorites are "Incorruptible," "Good for Me," "Still," "You Are My Stronghold" and "Take Me There." There are so many other awesome songs by them, too.

Your fear of going crazy is what's making you go crazy. Don't give in to the fear as this is what actually causes the "insanity." Instead tell yourself, "I don't give a f@ck if I go crazy."

If you truly believe in God, know that the kingdom of heaven is within you... not in buildings or on top of a cloud or somewhere outside of you. So if you are seeking God, search within you.

As you know I'm not a Christian, but I've studied religion intensely and believe that the specific stories told in religious texts are less important than the feelings of comfort and spirituality that come with religion. Religion after all came about as a way for our ancestors to understand the unknowns in their world and to bring them a sense of comfort and community. The same stories have been told since the dawn of civilization and are echoed throughout all religions in some way even though the characters and specifics of the story's vary by culture.

You're not insane for your beliefs, it can become dangerous if you start suffering delusions or start to feel you should do something that would harm yourself or others in the name of your religion... but you should embrace the comfort you feel from being a Christian. To me, that is one of the big points of religion.

When I'm having episodes and I'm afraid I repeat 2 Timothy 1:7 (King James)

For God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a SOUND MIND.