Questions: Bipolar version

Probably my mom. She doesn't know everything but she keeps me going.

Do your meds make it hard to cry?

nope.. once i start i am a fast flowing river of tears.

when was the last time you laughed out loud at something

This morning. I was making wafflez and ended up with flour all over my face, running jacket and hands. My boyfriend came in and started harassing me. We both had a real good laugh

What's your most calming pastime

watching lion king

so good and relaxing, and refreshing

are you a good cook?

I am a good food taster No, I can't cook.

Have you ever cried to strangers because of an episode (delivery man, taxi driver maybe)?

several times, and I'm never ashamed of it.

when you have to cry, you have to cry.

who in your life do you most admire (either real person you are close to, or celebrity)

My mentor, a long time ago college professor who has been kind and supportive for 22 years now.

Do you hold stress in your body?

yes.
do you get out a lot?

It depends. I try to do most of my errands when I'm in the city to see my therapist. I usually go somewhere with my mom once a week or more. I don't like to go out to stores alone much where I live but occasionally I do. Today I had therapy, errands, donated blood, and went out to dinner with my brother so a very big day. Tomorrow I'll ride along when my mom meets my sister after having my niece visit for the day.

Do you get overwhelmed in public places?

I barely go to any pubblic places

but yes

have you ever had an insodent where the hospital didn't take something you said as serious as you'd hoped?

I went in once and kept saying I was suicidal. They didn't realize I meant I was going to do it, had a plan and the hospital was my last resort. I managed to tell them just before I was to be sent home and they kept me much longer. Telling on myself was so hard and then I was on line-of-sight supervision which sucked. But it saved my life and gave me time to come to terms with my need to go on SSDI.

What is the best group you've had IP?

this last time I was IP we had a good group, there were actually others w BP and not just all depressed patients.

What is the hardest thing that you have had to forgive yourself for?

For writing a suicide note hours after trying to kill myself.... I tried to kill myself on the way to work then wrote the suicide note in work. It was found by a friend who called me 10 mins after I left work. I might not have been here today if it wasn't for that call....

Question: Is your current medication working for you, if not what are you doing about it?

Yes although we're still trying to find a dose that lets me sleep but doesn't make me too tired and unmotivated to do anything. It's tricky; I sleep 12-14 hours per day.

What is the hardest side effect for you to overcome with your current meds?

Weight gain (Zyprexa)

What is your hardest to deal with symptom of your bipolar?

Impulsivity. I get obsessed, in a way, and then fixate on that thing. And I am always trying to control my self.

Do you lose or gain weight or stay the same when manic?

gain.
losing weight is something I just can't seem to do (and when i do, i quickly gain it again)

do you eat too much over christmas?

Oh yeah!! It's a holiday must!

Do to you tend to get depressed or happy during the holidays?

depressed

I hate having no one to spend it with

what do you want for christmas this year

(continuing the holiday theme!)

Nothing too major. Just a house on the beach. LOL

How often do you feel paranoid?

Probably more than I'd like to believe
What comforts you when depressed?

Its weird, I can usually pull myself out of depression with an energy drink and techno music. If that doesn't work I will dissociate and become my alter ego.

I feel the same way. Well no s/o to buy a gift for and see her smile. Or fake smile when the gift is bad lol. Also New Years is the worst.

new years is a pile of ****ing ****

I mean their are so many things wrong with it. in so many ways

not only are you celebrating the start of a new month (we don't celebrate febuary, or march, etc), so why bother with january

plus all it is is a celebration of how crap the last year's been and it's a guilt trip

death to new years?

Nah, I'll keep new year's. It's another excuse for a day off.

What's the most you've ever spent for meds? Once I had to get two brand name meds before I'd met my deductible, and a 30-day supply was $1,600.