[newtobipolar]

I usually get sad during the holidays. Miss my family. They're all gone. But, last year wasn't too bad, until I went into a Major Depressive episode for like6 months. Then I was finally diagnosed BP. I am so much more aware of my illness now.

Dreading the holidays, but I put on a brave face for my kids

Anyone else wishing it was January??
?

[Wander]

As I am in Australia we are heading into summer. Last summer I got very mixed. A few weeks ago this horror episode started; first mixed then euphoric mania then mixed then euphoric mania and now deep, dark mixed. My doctor said the change in weather, we had a late start to spring, may have contributed to this episode.

Christmas generally just annoyed me as there is so much pressure to get the 'right' gifts and face the crazy, busy shopping centres. However, your depression seems more related to missing your family, rather than weather or shopping. So sorry you are not able to see your family. Is there any plans you can put in place to ease the possibility of depression?

Keep posting. You are not alone.

[wildflowerchild25]

I definitely wish I could skip Christmas. When my dad died twenty years ago it lost all happiness for me. When My son was born I started to really like Christmas and making it special for him. Then my husband died. Now it's just a slap in the face. But I have to put on a show for my son. He wants to put up the tree the day after thanksgiving. I just can't even fathom doing everything I'm supposed to do for the holidays. The baking that I usually do was abandoned last year because I couldn't handle it. That was the first Christmas without my husband. But I want to give my son good memories so I'm going to try to step it up this year.

I also hate hate hate winter and always get depressed. Last year it was a severe three month depression that ended with me taking leave from work and doing ect treatments again. I've been stable since then for the most part so I'm hoping to skip the depression this year. But I wish I could fast forward to April. I hate the cold and the dark. And snow. **** snow. Now that my husband can't help me shovel it's a real pain in my ***. But again my son loves snow and is very excited, though we probably won't see any till the new year.

I just hate this time of year. Christmas cheer my ***.

[xRavenx]

The holidays are a lot of pressure. My anxiety goes up around Christmas, but usually severe depression or mixed mania hits me after the holidays. I believe I remember the first time I had unexplainable depression that might have been my very first episode when I was nine right before Christmas and well into January, for no apparent reason that I can think of. With seasonal depression in the mix, it doesn't help. My depressions usually lead to mixed mania by the time it's January-February. I definitely reflect on how I miss certain holiday memories and think about people close to me that passed away around this time of year.

Please hang in there. A lot of people struggle around this time of year. Take care of yourself (((HUGS)))

[fairydustgirl]

I was reading an article recently about how inpatient admissions rise every time we change our clocks, I think there are a lot of factors that come up...I have in the past had seasonal episodes, every spring and every fall I would go through the whole range of mood swings...manic/mixed/depressed. So there is the seasonal change, plus the grief of spending holidays without family...if you go to therapy, I would definitely talk about it and perhaps talk to your pdoc about anything you might be able to do medicine wise to try and preempt a mood swing. the awareness my therapist and pdoc have about my seasonal swings have been very helpful in keeping me stable the past 2.5 years.

[Wild Coyote]

Let the games begin!

My family -- as in adult siblings -- swing into high drama and work hard to manipulate the family portion of the holidays into a drunken mess. The manipulations are so blatantly obvious. I see less of my family with each passing year. Their language and conversation topics are very coarse and offensive and the very heavy drinking does not help. Brawls between drunken adult nephews have necessitated trips to the ER, etc. I cannot relate to the conversation topics, the language, the behaviors. Active alcoholism is a progressive disease. I truly cannot relate to much of my family. With c-PTSD and other issues, including having some degree of self-respect, I am keeping interactions increasingly brief with family.

I tend to spend time with friends (chosen family) and my in-laws.)
so much more sane!


WC

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by newtobipolar

Anyone else wishing it was January??
?

Yes, I wish the holidays were over. Things are tight this year. Gifts will be pretty much non-existent, and that's a big change. And my daughter won't be here for the holidays... I do have my husband though, and he's reason enough to make a festive meal for the day itself.

[zijax]

I tend to get a overwhelmed thinking about the holidays but this year I'm going to apply the one day at a time coping skill. It will be easier to handle that way instead of looking at the whole thing. Somehow I manage to get through it every year and the worse parts are often the anxiety that comes from just thinking about it before it ever gets here so I'm going to try and stay in the the day.

[TimTheEnchanter]

The year end always makes me anxious, worried and manic. Last year, I just took Nov/Dec as medical leave but unfortunately I cannot do so this time around. I just came out of the short manic bout and I hope I will not reenter until Jan or later. My mind cannot function on 4-5 hours of sleep so I cannot function well at work. Next year end (2017) I will take the whole year in medical leave and hopefully never return to that place...what I will do for money (I am only part time), I am not ready to retire just yet...) is up in the air..
P.S.
I am turning 60 on Dec 5 and I m afraid to drink a drop...sad life, ain't it? I cannot smoke pot either as they test us at work...

[Unrigged64072835]

Possible trigger:

My second husband killed himself on Dec 4, so from Thanksgiving to Christmas I have to watch my anxiety. It's been so long ago and it still triggers me.

It's also hard because my daughter will be working Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Christmas Eve. We might see her for a little bit until she goes to her boyfriend's parent's house. We're used to having quiet dinners by ourselves but I miss a lot of Christmas cheer. Neither my daughter or my husband like Christmas music (now my daughter is hearing it at work), and we didn't take down some of the decorations. Plus one of our windows broke and we may have to spend present money to fix it. So this Christmas may be the last hurrah for a while.

How I deal with preventing depression during the holidays: I don't participate in any mainstream holiday functions -- have not done so for over 30 years. I'm not rushed; I'm not involved with my dysfunctional relatives; I wear noise-cancelling headphones to block out the silly music. I practice "Peace on earth, goodwill to Me". This year, I'm celebrating Saturnalia (the ancient holiday that was later coopted by Emperor Constantine and turned into Christmas). I'm having a small but significant party for 3 friends (my partner, and a couple we know). I've been happily preparing for it for months -- downloaded ancient Roman music to play MP3s. Decorations, etc. A few holiday cards to people who send them to me first. That's it. This is fun, not at all stressful for me.

[JustJace2u]

I wish it were January. As much as I love my family I just dread the holidays in general. I always seem to get really depressed to a point it makes me physically ill. This year will be interesting since I was diagnosed with BP2 and my mom is insistent that the diagnosis is incorrect.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by newtobipolar

Anyone else wishing it was January??

Yes, and mostly because I do not like routines (regular schedules and such) being upset or re-arranged. One thing that is nice about the so-called "holidays", however, is that the mis-arrangement for the week of Christmas simply gets repeated for the next one!