Questions: Bipolar version

Med resistance. 71 combinations of 40 some meds later we seem to have something that seems to have stopped the manias and made depression minor compared to the past. I hope it lasts forever.

What are you most proud of yourself for in how you have handled your bipolar?

I am most proud that I'm still alive. I love this picture from HealthyPlace, and what it says is true for me. The hardest thing I've ever done is keep living when I just wanted to do, so I'm proud that I'm still here.

What are you doing today to manage your symptoms?

I'm listening to upbeat music and journaling in the sun to manage my symptoms today, along with meds.

What's the worst reaction you've received from telling someone about your bipolar?

oh so many
but i suppose my worst reaction was my mother's, telling me i can't be in the family and to just make my own way in life

but being told i was controled by demons was pretty bad too!

are you scared of dying. why or why not

No because of my religious faith and because I have been around death a lot when I was working.

Do you take your meds at the same time every day?

Sure do. I have a med reminder app on my phone that keeps it regular. And if I don't take them at the exact time, it's usually within the hour. And I don't mark them as "taken" unless I actually did because then I seriously will forget.

What lead you to a diagnosis? Were you in a depressive or manic episode? Was it through uncovering behaviors in therapy? Or some other scenario I can't think of..

A manic episode lead me to my fist pdoc who was very bad and a second episode oversees lead me to the current one who is good. I have realized that I was doing and feeling odd...self-awareness.

Did you feel in your youth that you can get away with anything, while manic?

yep.

and i believe that even now

as long as i'm not in the hospital, **** it.

though even when i have been and thrown a few punches at nurse rachel, she can't do anything to me.. i'm too ****ing quick for her or anyone

before you were diagnosed, did you have a life plan?

now you are diagnosed, how much of that is the same, and how much is diffrent?

I definitely had a plan. I had dreams, ambition, and ability.
After mental illness hit, every one of my dreams was twisted into nothingness, with the exception of the relationships in my life. I am married, I have a child, and I am really close to my family. I always hoped for those three things.
Now my life plan is to survive as best I can and hope to attain semi-functionality one day. It's horrible. It hurts.

What is the thing you most mourn losing because of bipolar?
(your job, your faith in goodness, whatever)

A sense of stability - in emotions or life in general
I was a pretty practical person before I was diagnosed. That all changed - I guess not all the changes have been bad though - more of a glass is half full type of person. I'm now taking the scenic way in life so to speak. I appreciate things that go right much more now.

Q: Has being diagnosed with bipolar disorder affected your life in any positive ways? / Do you see any silver linings in this diagnosis? (Has it made you a stronger person/more appreciative of anything, more insightful of yourself for example)

i'd say that the 2 things i can come up with are 1, being more understanding of others ( because i've been through the stigma, i've been through the harsh comments) so can understand others easier

the other is my poetry and creative writing. before being diagnosed, i couldn't do it.. i mean i wanted to think of stuff to write about, but it could never come to me- now though....

i guess thirdly their's so many famous people with bipolar, and it really makes you feel less alone and hopeful that you can accomplish things

how long did it take you to get your diagnoses

Diagnosed with depression February 2008
Diagnosed with bipolar June 2015

How long until your diagnosis?

Love.

What's your go-to distraction tool when you are anxious?

Oops. Diagnosed 2004.

What's your go to activity when stressed.

Not a good day again support way but a good mental day

If I'm choosing healthy options, I either lie down in the dark and quiet for about 15 minutes, then resume my day -or - I write about what's stressing me out here and listen to some music that lifts my mood.

If I'm choosing unhealthy options, I immerse myself in movies, Facebook, sticking to the message boards, eat something card/sugar laden, or some other activity that distracts me, but doesn't actually address the stress.

What's your favorite movie genre when you're up? And when you're down?

up- disney (come on, it is so popular it deserves it's very own category), but for the sake of it, disney/ animated. their are a few animated movies i like that arn't disney ones

down- romance movies like bridget jones or something

do you ever wish for a certain state?
like you're feeling really depressed and thinking- hell, i wish i was on a high- or maybe the other way around.. i wish i could just come down a little?

Sometimes I wish for a hypomanic state without agitation/anxiety when I think back on certain experiences where I felt so confident and was having a lot of fun.

What song reminds you of your struggle with Bipolar Disorder?

"Can't stop" by Miley Cyrus. It's super triggering.
I get nauseous when I hear it. It reminds me so much of what a horrible garbage sack I was during a manic episode a few years back. I get flooded with images of the awful things I did and the look of horror on my friends faces. ::shudder::

What fictional character do you identify most with

Eeyore when depressed, Tigger when manic. I have both of them on top of my bookshelf in my home office. I realized the metaphor way after the fact.

Do you have a pattern when it comes to your mood swings? I.e. manic during the summer or depressed during the winter.

Not really although I can count on hypomania in June every year (except this one!). I generally get depression sometime in the fall from SAD but the timing is inconsistent and SAD is not nearly as powerful as bipolar so whatever the bipolar is doing happens first. This year SAD is more likely since bipolar is calmed by meds.

Do you have seasonal affective disorder?

no.
if you're on meds, do you ever think you'll see a day you are med free?

Nope. I wish.

Do you have pets to take care of, and how do you manage?

I have a ten year old cat that has been acting out lately.

How many meds are you on and can you tell the effect of each? i.e. lamictal for mood stabilization, latuda for depression, etc.

3. no cant tell side effects. feel the ativan hit me thats about it
also elavil and latuda.

Is your sleep disturbed? how many times a night do you usually wake up?