[Icare dixit]

Tomorrow, I have my first appointment with my (new) therapist.

Any (general) advice? It's the first time having (hopefully) regular appointments with a psychologist after knowing what is wrong with me and getting the full pharmacotreatment and without being manic (which wasn't conducive to good therapy).

I tried to come up with a list with issues. There are six things on it: self-damaging behaviour, confusion, emotional reactivity, uncertain certainty (or certain uncertainty, I'm not certain), interpersonal problems and splitting. Items 2 and possibly 1 make it difficult to talk about any of this and 3, 4, 5 and 6 make it not unlikely that I won't be in therapy for long or that it really is going nowhere. Prejudice and stigma together with suspicion and fear of rejection or abandonment don't help.

But any advice, not just pertaining to the B-word, are much appreciated.

I'm not as bad as I used to be. It's rather mild. I mean, some people are just incompatible with the likes of us. But I do wish I could adapt. But many years have passed since my parents wondered whether giving me a beating would void the warranty (just kidding, about the warranty , no it was nothing serious, really).

I have strong ideas and no idea and no impulse control. So this is gonna be fun.

I'm very excited for you on this new journey with new self awareness. Just be yourself. Your list is good, try to use it. Keep us posted on how it goes for you.

[Victoria'smom]

That sounds good. They'll probably going to ask about your dx thou.

[Icare dixit]

Thanks. I really hope I can make this work, mainly because it's really rather impossible to make any (more) progress on the BP front right now. But it's not just that.

It is all rather confusing how it actually works, but at least I know and I'm open and honest about what I need to work on. I hope we'll figure it out.

A therapist that doesn't recognise these symptoms might not be the best person to help me, but I just hope that she will try to understand or help me rather than being blinded by a (negative) stereotype.

It's really great, I'm thankful, that I'm no longer in a mixed state (touch wood). Maybe it's a sign.

[annielovesbacon]

When I started therapy (a little less than a year ago) I was very surprised by how my T helped me in ways I never expected. I was expecting her to just tell me how to fix everything in my life (very naive, I know, lol) but she taught me instead how to cope and how to identify my own self-damaging behaviors and how to deal with them or prevent them.
Anyway, my advice for you is to just be open and don't go in with too many expectations. Keep in mind that your therapist will know next to nothing about you, the only things she can know about you is what you tell her, and the more you tell, the more she can help you. Its scary (at least for me) to be so open but it is beneficial in the long run!
Best of luck, keep us updated! Also if you find yourself wanting to talk about therapy in great depth beyond BP I have found the psychotherapy forum super helpful, I hang out there a lot too

Make sure you discuss a plan. Agree upon an action plan complete with boundaries and expectations. How will the two of you measure improvement? Under what conditions can the sessions be terminated? What are the goals and what are the agreed upon criteria of such that will determine winding it down?

[Icare dixit]

She actually knew BPD. Not like knowing in any explicit way. Nobody knows.

She didn't assume to know. But she knew.

It's really amazing.

I didn't have to list symptoms. No ticking off symptoms. That's largely irrelevant anyway. It's always there. Pretty boring. The dynamics aren't boring, obviously. But she knows.

For the first time ever, the floodgates opened not due to external force, but by releasing force. I've never, as far as I can remember, had that happen before.

The most amazing thing is that I don't feel shame. I feel liberated. Already.

Ok, but of course this means disaster. I like her too much. She's gonna assert and assume and there will be less progress. I'm gonna reject and deny.

But I'm prepared.

For the first time ever, I feel like I'm ahead of myself.

Edit:
In a good way. Rationally. Not the typical way.

Anyway...

It's actually very interesting to think about how to interpret that phrase. Wow...

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Make sure you discuss a plan. Agree upon an action plan complete with boundaries and expectations. How will the two of you measure improvement? Under what conditions can the sessions be terminated? What are the goals and what are the agreed upon criteria of such that will determine winding it down?

I thought about this.

I think I should have as few expectations as possible.

Preparing for therapy is therapeutic in itself. How lovely.