[Anrea]

Hello Jen! You sound so sweet, mentioning WildflowerChild like that. I am glad you had someone then who urged you in a way you could respond to. I find psych central to be an excellent source of support and information as well.

You live in a very beautiful place. I have also lived in many places, and find they give me a sense of themselves. When I lived in Wisconsin for 11 years growing up, I loved the woods and winters - but at 18 I moved to Tucson, the desert, with mountains on one side. I found the desert is not some place I can live in longer then 2 years without feeling stretched, thinned out in spirit. It is hard to explain, this feeling - but after I moved away from the desert, it would call to me yearly, and It took many years to get the desert out of my system. Now I live in Minnesota, up north - the land of 10k lakes. The amount of water up here at first made me way to emotional for years, but now I have been here 14 years. The longest I have ever lived anywhere - and I believe I will live out my life here. A very strange concept I got from my husband - who is stable.

I am 51, female. Diagnosed at around age 15 with BP. Diagnosed with GAD around 2009, and with BPD added on top around 2013. Not letting myself be treated during my life greatly effected how I viewed the world, and people and our connections. Since my life kind of fell apart (again) around 2009 - I have been trying to just focus on the stuff I can see and touch, and not worry so much about the invisible world. I can't make the world a better place on some grand psychic scale, all I can do is try to keep my own little life free of too much trouble. I still sabotage myself and my serenity, but that is a BPD thing.

I want people to read or learn from my mistakes, and hopefully they won't make the same types. But I think there are more then 1 type of person, some people listen to others and are careful, then others like myself - have to make all my own mistakes a few times before I learn. I am consistently inconsistent, and don't want to make friends I have to be responsible for. I am too needy and unpredictable for friendships, but I do like to help people in short term. I will share any experiences I have had to help someone. So, if anyone has questions about anything, I will share my own thoughts and experiences with them. Just message me.

Best of luck to us all!

Edit addition: I probably sound mean not wanting to make friends I have to be responsible for. I used to be really nice and would be taken advantage of. I remember the first day I said no I would not help someone out. I was 34, and sitting on a couch being asked to watch someones child again for free. I said I wished I could help, but I was entering into what would be a severe breakdown I never fully recovered from. Perhaps if I had stood up for myself more earlier in life, I would never have gotten so broken. But anyway - I really am not mean. But I can be blunt that's for sure. :P

Edit addition 2: To MusicLover82. I also used to describe myself as a social butterfly. I threw many parties in my late 20's early 30's with going to parties and being social all before then. A person can change from being really outgoing to becoming agoraphobic. Very strange. I still think of myself as very social, and in the store I am always talking to strangers. Other times, I have panic attacks if I have an appointment, and someone new is talking to me. People always still like me at first (I hide my issues well in the beginning). But I have learned over my lifetime, that I change to much to count on myself to make a commitment to people. I am really glad you are in a place where you can embrace others happily. Best of luck to you, and to us all. <3

[MusicLover82]

Anrea, you've always come across to me as wise and kind. I'm sorry you've had such trouble with friendships.

I am probably too "needy"/ overly extroverted for friends and people to talk to all the time. I always like to be around people and talk about my feelings. I'm a social butterfly and I love to throw parties and dinners at my house.

To the next person: how would you describe yourself socially?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LadyShadow]

Hello MusicLover82!

I love seeing your posts, you always have something admirable to say to someone who is struggling. There is nothing wrong with being an extrovert, I am more of an introvert although I can come across as an extrovert. What I mean is, if people are laughing and making a joke at the register of a restaurant or a store I usually smile and join in. I smile at passers by on the street. I look like I have it together but really I'm a disaster!

Well not a disaster, that's being melodramatic. I tend to overdramatize my actually feelings and situation. I have a pretty good life. I am 36 years old, single and living in New York City. I live with my family and we are moving soon (sadface I am going to miss this nice house). We will moving to a nearby borough but to a much smaller place. I treasure my privacy and independence. Those are two things I can't live without.

Hope that answers the next person's questions!

[OctobersBlackRose]

Hi LadyShadow

I like seeing you post on here, I see you're from New York, I'm from Michigan, you're an introvert as well. I'm also an introvert, very shy can barely make.any real life friends due to my shyness. I also see you value your privacy, so do I. In fact I only open up in certain places.and to certain people, like I'm okay opening up on here, but not too much on Facebook.

A little bit about, I'm legally blind, I love cats and music, I do live with my grandparents right now, as I'm not self sufficient enough to be on my own again (was for 2yrs before my mental break). I have a cat, his name is Mickey, he's a black.short hair cat. I'm from Michigan, near Detroit. Meds I'm in are Lamictal and Abilify, and I do DBT and individual therapy. Hopefully that gives the next person a little bit to go on.

[cashart10]

Hi LadyShadow (and everyone)! I can really relate to you in a sense as you mentioned losing your spirituality in another post. It is a struggle to find yourself after believing you are part of a higher power. I'm glad you have a good life and I hope the move is better than anticipated!

My name as most of you know, is Sarah. I have made several friends on this site and I treasure them (even those who I don't talk through PM as much...I still love you!). I live in KY...but I'm not a hick. I love to write and I love relationships with people (even though they scare the **** out of me and I am, for the most part, terrible at them). My husband and I are on the rocks but, despite everything he has done (I'm no angel), I still pray we will reconcile (on most days at least). We've been married almost 11 years.

I used to be a very vocally political gal with leanings far to the left. After becoming a christian (a medicated one, ha!), my leanings are more in the middle and I am rarely passionate about politics these days (but I can still listen to Ani Difranco and pretend I am bad ***!). I am very intense which often puts pressure around those who are closest to me. In grade school, the superlative I was given was "most expressive." Whatever that means.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Hi LadyShadow

I like seeing you post on here, I see you're from New York, I'm from Michigan, you're an introvert as well. I'm also an introvert, very shy can barely make.any real life friends due to my shyness. I also see you value your privacy, so do I. In fact I only open up in certain places.and to certain people, like I'm okay opening up on here, but not too much on Facebook.

A little bit about, I'm legally blind, I love cats and music, I do live with my grandparents right now, as I'm not self sufficient enough to be on my own again (was for 2yrs before my mental break). I have a cat, his name is Mickey, he's a black.short hair cat. I'm from Michigan, near Detroit. Meds I'm in are Lamictal and Abilify, and I do DBT and individual therapy. Hopefully that gives the next person a little bit to go on.

Well...I missed you somehow! I adore music as well! I feel like I get so lost in music...it sort of makes me who I am. I also take Lamictal and took Abilify for a long time. I am finally down to 4 meds from 8 (I think...it was either 7 or 8) and I am seeing a new doctor who I have high hopes about.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Well...I missed you somehow! I adore music as well! I feel like I get so lost in music...it sort of makes me who I am. I also take Lamictal and took Abilify for a long time. I am finally down to 4 meds from 8 (I think...it was either 7 or 8) and I am seeing a new doctor who I have high hopes about.

Don't worry about it cashart10 you're okay.

Hi October.

I always enjoy reading your posts. You have a lot of great things to say

I'm sorry that you felt a bit like an outcast before, but I hope you now feel a little more "integrated" with the community. We all care about you and want you to feel welcomed here.

Like you, I'm very much an introvert. I, too, have a difficult time making and maintaining real friends because of my shyness. If I talk to anyone, it's because they've initiated a conversation with me. My shyness means I don't really start convos with other people.

It's funny because I'm even a bit of an introvert online. I mean, I love posting on here, but I'm always nervous about taking to other people. I guess I just have anxiety about being more social. It has nothing to do with privacy or whatever either.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Hi October.

I always enjoy reading your posts. You have a lot of great things to say

I'm sorry that you felt a bit like an outcast before, but I hope you now feel a little more "integrated" with the community. We all care about you and want you to feel welcomed here.

Like you, I'm very much an introvert. I, too, have a difficult time making and maintaining real friends because of my shyness. If I talk to anyone, it's because they've initiated a conversation with me. My shyness means I don't really start convos with other people.

It's funny because I'm even a bit of an introvert online. I mean, I love posting on here, but I'm always nervous about taking to other people. I guess I just have anxiety about being more social. It has nothing to do with privacy or whatever either.

i can not think of a single (real) friend i actually have.

can't think of 1, who either i pushed away or left because of my emotional issues

[Incubus]

Hi all,

I was diagnosed BP about 2yrs. I was originally diagnosed with depression which completely wrong. Well only half wrong or half right. Along with being BP, i also have anxiety and panic attacks . just a ball of fun arent i. I hate when i have mini swings but with my meds i come out of them faster. One problem i have is remembering things. Wife hates it.

Enough of that. I live in NC now originally from NJ by the way of FL. I am 33 soon to be 34 yr guy in September. Been married for 7 years but been together for 14 i think. We have soon be 4 yr in September(3 days before mine). I play and watch golf. Took a long time but i have dropped 100 lbs. Got to love my doc tells me that meds hold weight, so cut carbs, sugar, and calories, increased healthy proteins. Never felt better.

Thanks for reading my rant

INC

Sent from my SM-T310 using Tapatalk

Hi incubus. This is the first time I've seen you here. It's nice to meet you . Congrats on the 100lb weight loss....that is incredible! sounds like you lost it the healthy way....that is great! We have a weight loss thread, .... If you have any advise or tips (which I bet you do) feel free to come on by and share with us.

A little bit more about me. I'm a creative type. Introverted AND shy. I love people though, and love a good long chat with people I trust. I have 1 friend outside of my family. 3 years ago I accused her of being a sociopath and stalking me. I told her I could no longer be her friend because of what she was doing to me. We had been friends since we were 13, and she's been through so much with me. It was a horrible breakup and a terribly scary delusional time for me. She wrote me an email about a month ago... Saying she missed me but hoped I was okay and that her email didn't distress me. Told me she'd leave me alone again if that is what I needed. She said our breakup was the hardest one she's ever been through. I was stable at the time and her message had me sobbing. I couldn't believe what I'd accused her of....I was shocked that she still wanted to be my friend and forgave my insanity. We've been chatting since and I'm so grateful to have her back in my life. I'm terrified I will get delusional again and accuse her of some other non-sense. She is so understanding, I don't want to lose her ever again.

[bizi]

HI elsa...
nice to hear that you have made up with your friend. She sounds like a keeper.
I am 53, married for 20 years this 2nd time around. live in lafayette louisiana for the past 15 years. Raised in the mid west, Northern Indiana... I hate snow!
Even though I have been a member of this forum for 10 years...I am fairly new to posting. I have posted regularly on the neurotalk forums but it has been quite slow there lately so I have come here looking for more support.
I have 20 pounds to lose and have started a diet thread if anyone wants to join in. I try to eat organic fruits and veggies...I eat at a health food store for lunch most days. I am self employed nurse, giving pedicures to the elderly in their homes. Being bipolar 1, I run mostly on the high side. few meds but am thankful for them, they keep me sane!
bizi which is my real nick name!

[Standup2me]

51 and on marriage #4. Hope this one works out. I live in Northern Alberta where we have hot summers and very very cold winters.
I have, over the years put on 40 lbs thanks to many meds and bad eating habits, but am on Weight Watchers and am pretty happy with it.

People sometimes call me a snob, but mostly I am a little shy. I am very introverted. All of my power comes from inside me.

My animal spirit guides are Sister Owl and Bother Bear