[Gabyunbound]

I think a couple of the most misunderstood aspects of BP is that 1) we're elated one moment and depressed the next and 2) Every mood we're in is an 'episode.'

As for the first, I think per DSM, symptoms must persist for at least 3 days. There are those who think differently, but this is the 'official' definition.

But anyway I'm most interested in 2). So my question is, what 'moods' do you experience that are not 'episodes?'

It's kind of a trick question because my point is that we, those of us with BP, can experience any and all moods, that run (nearly) the full gamut of experience without them being episodes.

So, for example, I can experience sadness, happiness, anger, lots of energy, little energy, jitteriness, lethargy, etc. even all of these intensely at times. And they're not episodes. Either because they don't last very long, or because they don't affect my day to day functioning to the point of making it near impossible for me to function. Or I just know/sense: this is how I'm feeling right now, and it's great, or it's okay, or it will pass, or it's something I can work on in therapy, etc.

I know it can be hard to differentiate and I'm no expert at doing that, but, again, my question is this:

What 'moods' do you experience that are not episodes?

[Wander]

Right now I am experiencing deep sadness but I am not depressed. Life has been rough to me lately. I have just come out of a horror mixed episode that landed me in hospital 5 times in 7 months. What I went through and the consequences have left me with this sadness. Both my T and pdoc agree that I am not in an episode, it is just a natural reaction to an unnatural experience.

Not right now but at other well times I also experience deep happiness and joy along with the whole gamete of human emotions. I love these times when I am just human and not BP.

[Gabyunbound]

"I love these times when I am just human and not BP."

Well put --me too!!

I experience the full spectrum of emotions while not in an episode. Lately I've been mildly depressed because of sickness. I'm always sick, and that gets you down. I keep asking myself if I'm sick because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I'm sick. The answer to that is not entirely clear in my case unfortunately. I get a bit confused and think a major depressive episode is coming on, and then the next day I will feel okay, not be depressed, be relieved..... Only to feel sick and depressed later in the day. I just went through a pretty major manic episode 2 months ago and I'm told you always crash after mania. I've yet to have that crash. Is it coming or am I lucky? Maybe because I didn't crash after mania, I'm not BP? I'm hyper vigilant about entering a depressive episode because I want to catch it early and take my meds right away if it happens. Anyways, I'm kind of all over the place right now but I don't "think" I'm in an episode. Maybe mild depression, but I'm not sure and need to talk to my doctor about it. I have Fibromyalgia and last time I was IP, the doctor said my fibro pain was from my mental illness. If that is the case, I'm sick ALL the time and must be in a constant episode. It's all very confusing for me. I don't think I cycle rapidly but I'm not sure I see things clearly. I try to avoid the trap of blaming BP for every mood I have, but I admit the lines look a little blurry to me at times.

[Daonnachd]

The one I never let myself blame on BP is anger. I believe my anger or irritability stems from a clear source and I can always (or at least usually) limit its outward expression. Ergo, anger is a mood for me, never a symptom of BP.

Thanks for bringing up this conversation. A similar point that I have noticed as I visit my mood tracker every day is that even when depressed, that is not who I am, it is simply an experience. I can externalise what I feel. I am learning that what I feel is not who I am, just as the diagnosis does not define me.

[Nammu]

On medication that is stabilizing I don't feel the full range or intensity of emotions. When I do have intensified emotions they rarely last long, like it burns out. I don't worry that these are BP episodes cause it just doesn't have the bottomless forever aspect that I also feel with a true episode. If I'm depressed it feels like it will last forever, its not just feeling down.

[p00dlez]

I think I am pretty stable right now so I would say I have a pretty normal range of emotions. Right now I am feeling a little anxiety because of the two new bad test results. I researched them and I think I know what they mean but I am not 100% sure. I do know I am not getting better, I am getting worse, and it kind of scares me.

I am also mildly depressed all of the time which is kind of a bummer. I am OK though as long as I don't start thinking about the manic episodes which will make me start crying. Does it every time. So I do my best to not think about it.

[wildflowerchild25]

I completely agree! I think some people are too quick to
Say it's an episode when it's just a normal reaction or a simple bad day. I had a bad day yesterday but it wasn't an episode! Just a day!

I'm pretty good at telling the difference between grief and depression for myself. Yesterday was grief. I can't explain it but there is a heaviness that goes with depression for me. And sometimes I can have a depressed day and still not be in an episode.

I don't count hypomania either unless it goes on for more than three days. Although I've only had two short episodes of Mild hypomania in the last two years.

[Gabyunbound]

I think this is also where responsibility comes in. In the sense that if you can differentiate between a mood and an episode, you'll know better what you need to hold yourself accountable for (which doesn't mean undo guilt or self-loathing either, hopefully this can be avoided).

But if I go and yell at someone at work or home -and I'm not in some sort of persistent episode- then I'm responsible for going and yelling at someone. I think sometimes there's a fear of having/taking that responsibility that leads -in some cases- to attributing too much behavior and too many moods to BP. I think if we were easier on ourselves and kinder to ourselves, we wouldn't feel the need to do that so much.

Sometimes we just have a bad day, lose our temper, whatever it may be. And that's ok. Sometimes an apology might be in order, but other than that, we deserve support and kindness as human beings even if it's 'just' a really bad day. But I think identifying what's going on is important, both for our health and our relationships.

I'm referring to anger/irritability here, but this could apply to nearly any mood. i.e. If one day you feel really down and feel the need to stay in bed all day, that deserves just as much support and kindness as if it were a persistent episode.

Kindness to oneself is important in all cases, but I think differentiating between moods and episodes can help so much, including in decisions to change or take more meds -I'm not sure you want to throw lots of meds at a bad mood/day (or a great mood/day, for that matter). And then we can also describe what's going on better to our pdocs and work better with them. At least this has been my experience. Hope this makes sense...

[GoldenSnitch]

I was thinking a bit about this today. Sometimes I have a hard time differentiating between moods and episodes. And I think part of the reason for that is because I feel everything so deeply. I experience everything full force and that can really make you feel a lot of things, a lot of them for me are negative too.

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[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by GoldenSnitch

I was thinking a bit about this today. Sometimes I have a hard time differentiating between moods and episodes. And I think part of the reason for that is because I feel everything so deeply. I experience everything full force and that can really make you feel a lot of things, a lot of them for me are negative too.

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I actually feel similar to this, it can be hard for me because I feel.e emotions so deeply especially irritability and sadness. I do think I'm in a depressive episode right now, and it is hard to tell if it really is major depression or if it is just general sadness, then I remember I'm experiencing little.to no joy, even when I smile, laugh etc. An some.days it's every mood at once I experience which makes it even harder to tell what's going on. But now that I'm in DBT I keep a diary card to keep track of some of my moods, (not all since it's more tailored to BPD stuff and not BP moods, but a joy and sadness rating scale.are.on there, so that's good), so maybe it'll become a little eaiser to tell moods from episodes, with that tool. I should really keep a mood tracker though, I just don't know what would be a good one, or if I could remember to do it daily.

[JustJace2u]

I'm glad I'm not the only one around here who seems to not be able to tell the difference between moods vs episodes. I tend to take everything that is 'wrong' so personally, as if it is all my fault and that tends to bring out the worst of the emotions for me, hence all of my confusion.