What is the most difficult part of BP for you?

What is the most difficult part of BP for you?

For me it's the psychotic features. I only start self-harming when I'm psychotic, and it's the psychotic features of my mania that land me in hospital. If I didn't have any psychosis I probably would not have been hospitalized 7 times this year.

The most difficult part is the long, drawn-out depression that seem like it will never end.

Pretending to be normal is exhausting. But it's how I cope and it works better than having melt downs publicly. I may have mood disorder but I'm not a drama queen.

The never ending battle to suppress that side of me deep down that just wants to go off the wall and stay that way.

The rage I feel when mixed

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Sensitivity. Sensitivity to noise, sound, light, temperature, feelings, others emotions, my emotions. Sensitivity to stress that can trigger a mood episode. Sensitivity to anxiety that can trigger paranoia.

mixed episodes with psychosis

^ yeah, that...

Depression that lasts months robs me of all hope, that's what gets me the worst.

The black, never ending depressions. Mixed episodes are hell but I have them pretty well controlled. The depression always seems to come back though. Although I've been stable for six months on my new medication so that's good.

Mixed mania and all the fun that comes with it.

Severe and prolonged depressions.
Unstable moods under prolonged stress, noise sensitivities, irritability, esp when mixed.


WC

Mixed episodes. They make me very volatile, agitated, irritable, deeply depressed and suicidal amongst other things. They are hell on earth.

mixed episodes. The only time I am suicidal is during mixed episodes or psychotic depression.

The deep dark never ending depression

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Mixed episodes and suffering in silence.

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Not having anybody to relate to. It would be nice to have some support.

You have all of us! PM me anytime.

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i hate the iritibility.

the stigma

the long depressions

the constantly trying diffrent things until you find something that works

the memory problems it's caused

the isolation (like i'm the only one who has it)

the fact i never know how i'm going to be from day to day making planning difficult

the helusinations

being sensitive to noise

knowing that no matter what, i'll never be free of the illness

is that enough?

Anxiety and OCD, which my pdoc considers to be "mixed episodes" with my bipolar. I especially struggle with worry about what other people think about me. I try so hard all of the time to be professional, to appear together, to act normal. And I worry that people notice when I'm anxious or they notice when I'm thinking negatively about things. I consider this an OCD thing. UGH. I'd like to be able to move past all that. I think my new therapist will be able to help me with this stuff. I can't see her again for a few weeks, though.

Having to push through life responsibilities as though you are just fine. If I had a physical illness of the same severity I believe it would be very different.

Feeling suicidal. It's the worst feeling in the world.

I also hate the memory and concentration issues I have now.

The constant mood swings. For example, I was talking to a coworker yesterday and she was asking me how things were going. She doesn't know the full extent of what's been going on, but she does know the gist of it at least. Anyway, as we were talking I could feel myself start to cry and immediately had to hold it in because again, heaven forbid anyone see me cry in public.

Like many other here, the mixed mood with the rage and anger that goes with it.

The stigma, I don't tell people what wrong because it changes how they interact with me.

Well I'm in the throes right now, so from the front lines: feeling like I having to apologize for my behavior constantly, while the world remains a loud, hostile, and unapologetic place. Since medication, I am far more sensitive than filled with rage.

Not knowing if it's a legitimate response or the disease.

So I guess those poop colored BP glasses. I would like to add, I'm on a freaking cocktail of drugs which I diligently take, so also when your drugs fail, or side effects become too large, that is also a super fun part of the disease. You take your meds, and it comes back.